“All that I am, or hope to be”

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It's officially a year together!

You know, the weird thing is, I've never looked at anyone else whilst with him, cus usually i do. When i'm around another guy, all i feel is infinite guilt and emptiness without him. A year hasn't been easy for both of us. What's easy is falling back and deeper in love after every mishap. Yeah we don't go smooth. We have our rocky patches.

He's not perfect.
And neither am i.

But after this one year, i realise the reason behind holding on. He holds the hope i need, and hope,
is all you really ever need to live. He's honest and forgiving, especially when it downs to my adamant, venge-on-self character. Yes if you hurt me, i get out and hurt myself more, weird but it makes me feel in control.
I admire his positive outlook on everything, his subtle way of displaying his feelings, and most importantly,
his faith; in god, in me, in life, believing we'll make it through anything regardless of the prices. But honestly, it may be this way to me and not to somebody else. It's a lock-and-key perspective. A particular being, suitable for another particular one.

The year has ups and downs but
it's been great.
And i'm not even a 1/100 sick or bored of him.
I still look forward to seeing him, still has got the butterflies before we meet,
still nervous of what to wear when meeting him,
still wary of what to say and how to say it.

Cliche, but i'm gonna do it.
I'm gonna try.
To keep this sacred connection as impenetrable as possible,
from any outcomes to come.



see in the end its just your friends.

your friends and mine.
leave it.

we're better off without

your precious friend's birthday.

remember mine?
it was sad
i was super disappointed.
but its your friend's and wow
look at this.
midnight celebration,
SURPRISE SOME MORE.
and you say youre tired.

i dont know just what to believe.
wonder what i fucking mean to you.

wednesday and after three weeks plus i finally have you where i want you. but i hope you understand. things just cant go back the same way im sorry for those nights. but i hope it made a point. congrats on your new WR, love. =)

cheer up, baby, youre free now. im free now. oh my god. no more paranoia, no more insecurities, no more hurt annoyance no more im free.!

I just dont feel the vibe anymore. Like, if i was disappointed in the boyfriend, i'd have him. To cheer me up or accompany me. And don't raise independence here. I do everything by myself and you know it. If i could earn my own good money i would. It seems something has changed inside me. Feelings? Yeah. Now i fear being committed to you cus there's no best man to back me up and slap me sense. You don't know do you, what he's done. I never told, you never asked. Sometimes, im so bloody pissed at you, and he'd be the one to calm me down and tell me to think of the good stuffs. Now i'll just remain pissed at you. I don't know, it sucks. The other day i was with my friends and you insisted, that i have to meet you. You were 1hr and 10 mins late, sure its not your fault but when i was already with my friends why wouldnt you just let me be? Youre the one who told me i should meet them. And we had an agreement didnt we. If we couldnt meet then we shouldnt. But now the agreement is, what? called off?