“All that I am, or hope to be”

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no i dont have 16 albums in my facebook profile.
there's nineteen but i guess some are true privates.

=)

yaye we are all ninjas

now we all know that love isnt enough.

what to wear later?
SHIT.







urghrgrhgrhr, malas nak cakap.

we're in trouble.
and she's backing me up.

"for a sister" she says.

oh i swear i teared.
thanks sis.

met bf tday, recovered, he left, unrecovered.
boohooooo.

says a sick person.

i am sick.
i am sick and i am also bored.
which also made me go run the hell out this morning
yes, and let me remind you
i am sick

but it felt good, but once it stopped
i got reminded
that i am sick.
and now, drenched in perspiration, on the foot of my bed,
i have totally no mood to bathe,
and is in desperate need of a good massage
and a kind soul to fetch me my medicine.

please?



If you are single and not dating - something's wrong with you.

If you are single and dating - you are a slut.

If you are attached - your boyfriend is either ugly or too good for you.

If your partner is rich - you are a gold-digger.

If your partner is poor - you are a unrealistic romantic and if you break up with him for someone who works later on, you are a gold-digger.

If your partner is nice - Don't know what he sees in you.

If your partner is a jerk - You are a moron for dating him in the first place but you deserve no better anyway.

If you are fat - that's the only thing you are. That and disgusting.

If you are skinny - You must be anexoric or bulimic. Also you are making other women feel fat and thus spreading unhealthy weight ideals.

If you are of average weight - You are fat.


(taken from XX's blog)
sigh, can only agree. hahahah.
nobody wins in the end.





i cant waiiit to call zac and text shaz tonight.

ohmygod.

cus deep down i know
im awesome like that

would you be depressed, if i were at your wedding,
but only as a guest?

MILLIONS AND GAZILLIONS OF THANKS TO DEEPLY BELOVED SHAHZALI JOLANI(shaz), ISSAC HERMAN ZELOUNE(zac), JULIANNA TAN HUIYU(ju), NURMAS DEIANA(dee), MARDEANNEA CHARIELLE DELMUN(maddy), DERICK LIEW(ricky), MUHAMMAD FARHAN(an), FIQUE AIDIL(fique), MD QAYYUM(qay), JASONN REESE(jase), FIRMAN AHMAD(gongong), LEVVY ANG(lee), WINSTON FOO(reds) AND CHER (IDK SURNAME)

i love you people deep deep deep deep deep!
how do i live without all of you!?
can die please!
you guys rock i hope everything will be awesomez.



today im home alone to clean, shake leg, watch cartoons and do all i like.

wipeeeeeeeeee time to get d.r.u.n.k.
alone.

helping friends
r125z, 900$, tiptop condition, coe till oct 2013.
dmz, $3300, (price went up HAHA) tiptop condition, coe till july 2018.? (not sure, forgot.)

lelonglelong.




right now somehow i wish farel was still around, whatever unholy sins he'd prolly do to me.
=(

and if were to die this moment on, least you'd know why.
zac once told me: rule of thumb; never love anyone who has seen you bleed and done nothing about.

sick, afraid...
and so alone. so loveless.

weak as a dry leaf, crumbling any second, crumbling to dust
i wished you had stayed, your heart wished you had stayed,
but you didn't. That proves just how important, how vital i am.

note to self : rely on self. if you're not worth sacrificing anything for,
you're not worth anything at all.

deed done, mind set. this will never repeat, shall never have the heart again.
friday night, all alone, sick and bleeding, scared and tearing...
this, shall never ever ever repeat. there will never be a next time,
there's no way i'll ever put hopes, put trust and heart and mind and soul to anyone again.
ever. And i won't take back my words. Not this time.

so, go.

and don't look back.

he sounds like zimmy.

and it starts this hour onwards.

im indecisive about tonight, i don't know what to do.
i need him there. really.

i dont even want to meet my friends,
and i miss my family like fuck.
its either him, or family,
and my cousin isnt picking up my call.
family, or love.
the two i can truly be myself with.
like truly. with friends, i have a strong,
happy mask on. the smiley, powerful,
high, ignorant, heart of steel rynn.
but not now. i need some love.

the warmth of your skin,
the scent of your breath,
the sound of your voice...
goodbye my lover.
i'm gonna face withdrawal of you now.

crash on friday!


my throat hurts
its wednesday ALREADY.
oh damn, time flies.

FRIDAY NIGHT ANYONE!?!?!?!?

=D



i realise i havent blogged for a coupla days.
my parents are away till sunday, but there are people-s to keep me company.
like my boyfriend,
though not completely physically.
my whole body is aching madly due to lack of sleep,
and i thought i'd love the freedom.
well, what can say, too much?
never a good thing.

there are people i miss right now,
namely my family,
and zac especially, i dont know why.

ohh everything hurts, so badly, i just want warm arms and fingers combing through my hair. (i dont get that from my mum, be it she's here or not, how deprived... i get that from friends, but still, i want that so badly now) I want somebody to lie to me and say im beautiful and that everything is going to be perfectly fine and i will heal and i will be okay and i will grow up to be okay and things will be smooth and great.

the empty house, sleepless nights, lack of love, alcohol and cigarettes...
really getting into me huh.

again, how could they leave me.
it saddens me, silently in the depths of... how i truly feel.
how could they.
just. like that.

cus hes beautiful,
every word he says,
everything he does,
every smile and every breath,
he's just beautiful.

he's like an angel, i envy, love and admire.

hi bitches, you all dress like that,
trying to look kinky?
I think it just looks cheap haha kbye

hello december, you better be good to us all, i've had enough of november's drama.