“All that I am, or hope to be”

June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 December 2010 January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 April 2011 May 2011 June 2011 July 2011 August 2011 September 2011 October 2011 November 2011 December 2011 January 2012 February 2012 March 2012 April 2012 May 2012 June 2012 July 2012 August 2012 September 2012 October 2012 November 2012 December 2012 January 2013 February 2013 April 2013 May 2013 November 2013 December 2013 February 2014 May 2014 June 2014

muscle mass: 38 kg

i am elated.
=D
thats bloody more than 80% of my body mass.
yaye.
time to fly the kite.

shit, you know what, talking to my boyfriend last night
seems like a big mistake this morning.
now i remember he exists again
gahhhhhhhhhhhhhh then i'll miss him.
shall. not. remember!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
shall remember EIGHT P.M. TONIGHT!
HELL YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

chalet afterwards.

everywhere i go, everyones tipsy, high or drunk. at the chalet, there was more partying! gawd. all crammed into one room turned to dancefloor. only thing is, i hate going to these kinda places without protective guys. like, i'd end up with some idiot doing something to me that i dont favour. but you know. it's kinda exciting to break free once in a while. but you know, im so afraid of loving this back to beginning life. like those hard partying drinking days. it resurfaces now, and its like having sex with an ex. that exciting let-go feeling. the strobe lights, the burn going down the throat.

but i miss screaming and shouting and kissing in the rain

off for a self-train with HY and vincent.

its pretty fun
somehow tonnes of freedom but
you know.
im so afraid i'll get used to this,
and then..

looking forward to tonight.
competition this evening



yesterday was hell yeah awesome!

p.s. don't forget:
1) waty exploded
2) girls
3) gay guy's birthday and the dog
4) shaz - 2x waty- 2x stuart -4x
5) what happened on the dancefloor

LUCKY, i went with the ladies waty and shikeen, and a group of nice guys.
so many people were drunk. khai got punched. i got...

chalet was awesome shit.
people there looked so close to being dead,
in the morning when everyone was knocked out drunk,
they were kinda scary.

whoohoo awesome times.



while drunk and tipsy, stuart helped ask for a guitar from some young kids behind us. we got it, and hell yeah did i play. the good thing is, they listened. they wanted to listen and they even said i was awesome! hair standing all. that's good. not many of my friends/fam/lover actually want to hear. sure, zac would never fail to look fucking lost and mesmerized whenever i sing even how sucky, and the rest of the gang always get together to jam. now i found people who's listen yaye!
at least, i'll know who to sing to when zac's not around.

zac's not around?
=(



whats life gonna be like? we're gonna go to school carrying a shitload of shit on our shoulders, stay in class till 11.30 then chao and get drunk. fucking typical. in broad daylight. thing is, i wanna score. i dont want to waste away, but i feel half wasted already. im still mad as hell somewhere inside that somebody's leaving me. and still shit angry and will always be shit angry. camouflaged with loadsa smile and pure encouragement. do it again, come. so love this feeling, this fuck feeling. down the smooth liquor, everything seemed so perfect.

i am worried.

RynnReochque says:
=D
why you nvr go sch?

Terence says:
because you never go.
tsk.

yesterday
HAHA. p.s. he has diarrhoea

could use someone worth my time,
minus the heartaches.

boy, that's so low of you.
i aint stupid even if i'm high.

Today was new. And exciting.
Walked at admiralty park in the morning during first break with Stuart, Angela and Wilson. We were bored of class and moodless, so we went all the way just for smokes. Had a weird illusion, shook invisible hands with baby monkies. Then time dragged till second break, and they had a plan. I stayed in class and finished the last thing for the boyfriend, then around 12.15, headed to some blocks to look for stuart, angela, mao, adrian and many other people. It was freaking hot and i was like walking alone under the hot sun. Finally discovered them with like a fucking bottle of *alcoholic drink*. IN BROAD DAYLIGHT, PURE HEATY AFTERNOON. Soon all the faces turned red and life stories surfaced, fuckedup and funny, sweats breaking and cigarettes seriously severely deteriorating. No fucking life. But it was fun just having to be there with those fucktards.

Scraped through presentation, lucky faci's quite awesome, then left class with Stuart and Terence and Elias and Mao. Yeah angela left first, and juliana did not come to class so i was the only female. Laughed our way to mrt, then zipped home by bus. I was late for canoe.
Paddled forever, i freaking felt like shitting while running (i know its unglam) and i fell down the freaking wall during PT because of an impatient Kelvin. Lucky no external injuries. Almost fainted again, got a long lecture from coach.

Went home with zac!
Yes, he fetched my FBT-shorts-masai self from mempurung on his glemuruz bike because he's leaving tomorrow and i won't meet him tomorrow because i'm meeting my boyfriend because he's leaving on thursday. Had a neverending hug, how do i live without my protective brother? Who will sheild me from ehem ehemm now? ZAC, hurry come back or i'll cry until the whole world flood.

P.s. i didnt even bring a bag to school today. Just my laptop, charger, phone, ez-link card, earpiece and four bucks.
p.p.s. my new phone is here!
p.p.p.s. the eyebags are back. it seems so everytime i...









let's drink, to memories we shared
down one, to all the hopes and cares
here's two for being unaware
that you're gone
because before too long,
you'd be a memory

when's the last time i told you things deeper than the surface?

im looking for a friend,
and i guess you're just a statement piece.
a nice accessory to ward off evil stalkers and pervies.

sigh, i waited.
for


nothing. im tired of tearing.
one day, i think i'll just disappear from you
like i did from everyone else.
that sounds like a plan.

28th sounds like a nice beginning for that
or now.



today in school we learnt about DNA, the components, structure and functions of DNA. Like adenine cytosine guanine and thymine. the phosphate sugars. the double helix. the hydrogen bondings. how DNA differs, causing us to look different. that it stores the genetic information.
so the REFLECTION JOURNAL question is

I AM...

just like that
so i answered
one word

hungry.

HAHAHAHAH HELLO GRADE D.

i want to sleep till november 25th.
cus it's like, ricky's birthday
=)
=(





POLYTECNIC RANKING IN SINGAPORE

1st: Singapore Poly ( as usual, standard uh )
...2nd: Ngee Ann Poly ( expected )
3rd: REPUBLIC POLY (OMG WOOOOOOOOW!)...
4th: Temasek Poly ( HAHAHAHAHHAHA! )
5th: Nanyang Poly ( erh, whatever )

So whoever's laughing at RP from the 4th and 5th school, FVCK YOU PEOPLE! Accept the fact that RP is improving ^^

(from khairul's stats. yaye to us!)
from edupoll.




adib went up to my class with brandon to give me a sweater
thanks! hearts.

goodbye my lover.
i'm gonna have to make plans to fully occupy my time,
i'll need to rush everywhere so i won't have even
a second to think. be prepared, rynn.
it's coming. the day is coming.

sometimes you fail
sometimes you know youre gonna fail.
sometimes you make yourself fail.

right now

i am all of the above.






what do i do to wake and find that you're not there?

...what do i do when it's all over......
=(

no physical involved, i can stab you with some words.

its a sad, sad situation

its gonna rain cats dogs bunnies and elephants today.

words if said too often loses its meaning.

at least i won't wake up to shit plain old emptiness.
=) thanks zac. what do i do without your existence?

i did not say it because im confused.
everything that aches is pushed away and aside
for my side of the story, it is.
whenever theres a glitch on yours
you'd confront me straight away
but when i do, you don't understand,
don't want to understand, or pretend
you understand so it'll just be through with.
which leads to no conclusion, nothing learnt from.
i've lost so many friends because of standing up for you
telling everyone you're worth it
now, not so sure.
i can't focus on you,
it hurts and hurting too much
is annoying, seriously.

you should know why my eyes are so swollen
ever bothered about it?
i guess not.
nevermind, someone else will.







brandon: you start school redy, never sleep ah?

D= i did sleep.
i cry lah, crybaby cry until so swollen it looks so eyebaggy.
=p
XD
under the hot sun now (phoneblogging)
not looking forward to today, i dont know who to trust.
all fucking hypocrites. ergh.



im not sure whats wrong but its probably your fault.



the sad story of me.

Nazz Raidon says:
hmm.. no problem.
i've been waiting to just be close friends with u.
tapi, dah ader guy kan . so, yeah.
pull back in the first place.
RynnReochque says:
thats what everyone thinks.
my bf doesnt mind, as long as i know my boundaries
tkkn got bf cnnt have friends.



for three straight days,
ive been playing role of leader
WHYYY do teammates ask if one thing is
acceptable or not to me?
im more clueless than anything please.
besides.
my minds gone off...

i dont want to be a pretty girl,
i want to be more than a pretty girl.
and not in terms of appearance.

"i'm not THAT bad!
im half bad only"

PHYSICS? MASAIIII

black BMW and the sound of DRZ
unmistakable.
farel came even though i told him not to.
zac knocked the door. the rest were downstairs.
after months in jail,
he only had one question for me.
...
"ready?"

sigh.

on a lighter note
mardee cut her hair boy-short!
she looks... well.
mardeeish.
i'm gonna have more shoulders to be there for me now! yaye.

going out with dibs today.

remember me.





Researchers have long been aware that fewer smokers get Alzheimer's and Parkinson's diseases than non-smokers. Up to April l992, of the 17 studies on Alzheimer's and smoking which had been published in peer-reviewed journals, 13 reported a reduced risk for smokers and only four found no difference between smokers and non-smokers. Similar findings have been published on the effect of smoking and Parkinson's disease.
In an article in The Times of London (9/7/93), Dr. James Le Fanu provided an examination of the research on smoking and its apparent protective effect for certain diseases. Dr. Le Fanu stated unequivocally: "Smokers have a 50 per cent reduced risk of developing Alzheimer's--and the more smoked the greater the protection." He also noted that emerging research points to a similar effect of smoking on Parkinson's disease.

sai awn mao
what a name. hahahaha

imagine the drama. i know i wouldn't get to resist.
i know my eyes will tear and i'll be weak as water again.
fuck, my, life.

dkny perfume.
armani watch.
worn, torn levi's.
plain white bread&butter tee.
i can see you already,
i wish i never will again.

DEEP SIGH.