“All that I am, or hope to be”

June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 December 2010 January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 April 2011 May 2011 June 2011 July 2011 August 2011 September 2011 October 2011 November 2011 December 2011 January 2012 February 2012 March 2012 April 2012 May 2012 June 2012 July 2012 August 2012 September 2012 October 2012 November 2012 December 2012 January 2013 February 2013 April 2013 May 2013 November 2013 December 2013 February 2014 May 2014 June 2014

i love it when we look into each other's eyes
it gives me that butterfly effect
like a gush of warmth.

and then you'd smile....

some anonymous girl just texted me, exclaiming that i'm stealing her boyfriend.
and she called me rynne. -_- girl, you've got to be mofo kidding me.
me? steal? your? bf? i dont even know who the hell that Fahmi of yours is,
but from what i know, ive got nobody called fahmi that i even talk to.
know yes, talk to, not a chance.

and please la, im attached, hello?

on a lighter note, i faceplanted on the road today.
i felt so 'sexy' -___-

a million hearts around four letters.

i just put down the phone with boyfriend and i think i've been talking cock for the last 15 minutes.

because i wasnt really awake. but now i am but i want to sleep.

=/ sorry love, im sick, im drowsy and i think i talked shit.

i hate dragging myself out of bed, especially since i am sick right now, then proceed to running to the bathroom in dire need of the bowl to puke/shit/almost puke/almost shit, only to find out the toilet is freaking occupied. and to think i sprinted there, whilst being sick. fml, fml.





sick.

before i head downstairs, i'll just update abt yesterday.

met them at wdld int, there were so many people there! but they didn't join us later on. derick asked me if i ever ate this holiday cus i look smaller (this isnt good. im supposed to buff up) and force fed me later. went to settle my work stuff, walked to cine's mac (OMG LA. 2 DAYS STRAIGHT I SAT THERE) and let them eat, then trained to city hall while ilham went through a series of impulsive shopping, leaving him broke now. laughed here and there.

i am sick. why am i sick?
kaknisa if youre reading this i blame you.
=p

derick says i'm like those cartoons with the big head and small bodies.
thanks ah derick. you just certified my head is big.
-_-

pichas up on thurs, after tomorrow with dibs.



zac sing so nice.
=)
calms me!

you'll always be part of me.... blahblah alwayss be my babyyy

wth?

i wna delete facebook.
seeing my boyfriend's profile, pinches the heart like fuck.

im meetng ilham.
photos!

a body-training inspiring email from taufik.

Welcome new division leaders.
Especially to the ladies.
I know society is all the rage about being stick skinny, and here we are, standing in opposition. Starve yourself and you are skinny. But muscles are hard work. Day after day of intense training, to build the strength within. Now we can climb trees, rocks, terrains, without difficulties. Now we can run for miles without breaking a sweat. Now we can fight with strength and skill. For the guys, gals dig our strength. We have protection for them, we can carry them when they are tired, we can fight for them. For the ladies, now you have curves in every area, from calves to hips to arms. This represents strength and fertility, an unconscious attraction to the guys. Furthermore, you will have a less difficult time in labour in the future as you have trained for strength and power. I hope this inspires all of you to train harder for physical appearance and inspire your new in-charge teams. Never give up no matter what. Good luck SGCC team leaders. Steel under skin.

And for me, he put a side note.

Rynn, please gain more muscle mass. You need to buff up even though your strength is compatible. Make sure the scale goes up, not down, or we'll feed you red meat. :D

Oh godddd. I dont eat red meat =/







i feel like weeping.

a mix of disguised anger, lovehate and annoyance.
i guess snuggling up with someone who feels the same shit would be fine now.

curled up, eyebrows still in stress mode, topless, probably cold.
and here i am, smeared mascara and a torn knee.

you still got time meet your friends?
i left because i thought you needed sleep.

thanks, this isnt gonna repeat. next time, im leaving at nine to meet MY friends.

brightside? training tomorrow. meeting ilham tomorrow too.
i pray i sleep well.
well, of course i will.
hot guy whaat with me.



phoneblogging.

hiding all my hopes and dreams away,
in case i ever need em again someday.

can you believe zac NAGGED at me for being home two plus a.m. while my mum said nothing? jalan raya what! you want me to be back at what, eight? then he said/nagged "I CARE, RYNN. YOU'RE A GIRL. PLEASE LA" LIKE FATHER LIKE THAT AH? oh but when i go out with him not coming home isnt a problem aye? zac, zac. funny idiot. my new adopted brother. gahhhh. after that things got stiff and awkward and i seeped into sleep on the sofa.

and i was shocked to death to see a "morning, love" in my inbox when i woke today.
it wasn't from my boyfriend.
what the flying fuck?

knock knock.
who's there?
im here, always.
=)

life is short, paddle hard
(LOL.)





theyre eating so im phoneblogging! (need to save as much cash as possible. for the boyfriend.)
firstly.

I BOUGHT A NEW WATCH yaye.

secondly. taufik asked me, "where do you draw the line? in a relationship"

so heres my answer.

Erm, when he hurts me consciously. When he doesnt spare a thought about me when doing things. When he puts me last. When he flirts around with another girl, what more go further. When he takes away the best of me.

taufik nodded.
then he asked "so what do you do to prevent all that?"

i said " i avoid seeing, i avoid checking, i avoid asking, i avoid knowing."

TO MY HORROR AND SURPRISE, TAUFIK SLAPPED ME HARD ON THE BACK.
I ALMOST PUKED BACK THE ICE LEMON TEA PLEASE.

wahlao. these are measures so as not to get hurt, not to know if he doesnt give shit, or is flirting around, or depresses me. why not right? close one eye, still see evil. close both eyes and nothing else matters. love is supposed to be blind isnt it?

isn't it?

these buffy idiots are like gurus. big, buffy, veiny musculary gurus, which i am very, very, very afraid of.



for the men: 8km run/ 100 pushups / 10 pull ups / at least 50 slanted sit ups / 3xlaps in pool
for the ladies: 8km run / 60 pushups / 5 pull ups / at least 30 slanted sit ups/ 2x laps in pool

im gonna dieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. p.s. slanted sit ups = those 45 degrees sit ups where your leg is up there and your head is down there. so all blood to your head. all must be done within 50 minutes. imagine the tiredness. i so need to revive myself up tonight, tomorrow early morning need to drink loadsa water, eat enough to supply for energy, set enough will to complete.



i somehow cant wait for tomorrow! training, home, change quicklyyyy, then out with adib, taufik and brandon maybe joining! 1ST TIME OUTING WITH THEM PLEASE.

i wonder how theyre like truly outside of training matters.