“All that I am, or hope to be”

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Rynn: Why don't you do it then? HAHA
Isaac: KISS MA ASS
Rynn: do me a favor and promise to do something for me
Isaac: K promise what
Rynn: im busy right now, so kiss your ass for me will ya thanks much loves
Isaac: CANNOT REACH. i can reach the hairs there though ;)
Rynn: OMG. YOU DAMN DISGUSTING.



i want time to stay still.

khai's trance music.
the mild murmur of discussions from the class
random laughter
i feel safe, comfortable in...
well, in my ex's sweater -_-
(it IS comfortable, and it's a girl's sweater, and it's zara, so i kept it)
i lost my heart for the second time.
yes, i lost my heart yesterday
(by heart i mean heart charm)
and i took a new one and fixed it in
TO LOSE IT AGAIN.
something bad is going to happen,
these hearts are luck charms.
so maybe i shouldn't believe.
but i want to. i want to believe
something bad is going to happen.
i want time to stay still,
don't want to see anyone,
don't want to know anyone else,
don't want to talk, don't want to think.
i don't even want to see you.
i want to be at this comfort zone
being myself, swinging my feet,
swaying from left to right in this
swivel chair.
strange, for once,
i am not looking forward to seeing you.
i want to be amongst people i can
laugh with. people i can cry with
people i can show my truest inner-self to.
no need to control my laughter,
no need to watch what i say
no need to look cool or pretty or expensive
no need to care what anyone will think of me

i want it all simple, i love this moment




"then the bitter bit. my parents fought, and i had to get my own cake on my own birthday. so i was given cash. i chose the cake, bought it, brought it home, lit it, sang to myself, blew it, cut it and distributed the pieces to family. but the sourness on their faces wasn't great. though there was the good thought of him to replenish and disintergrate the thoughts that kills me inside out."

02July2007, from blog post.

from syq's blog;
i wanna do this sounds fun!
letters(virtually) to;

Day 1 — Your Best Friend
Day 2 — Your Crush
Day 3 — Your parents
Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)
Day 5 — Your dreams
Day 6 — A stranger
Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the most
Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — Someone from your childhood
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror







"hey i love you"

on short notice.

it was white, it was white gold,
with intricate detailings,
and three black stones.

proof of the existence of your devotion,
or so i assume.
and if i had accepted,
proof that i've given myself to you.
strange, a ring, resembling ownership.
such small thing, such big meaning.

tempting, but not so.
you shouldn't have.

i could feel the blood rush to my face,
could feel everyone suddenly becoming quiet,
can never forget dee's wide open mouth.

im so sorry.

its not a good thing.
but its not exactly a bad thing either.
im ill.




ffffffffffarel and isaac will be back tomorrow!

LIKE FINAL
FUCKING
LY

i await their arrival! miss em, somehow.
gathering @ night? tomorrow? with the rest? my place?
can?

i came to class dripping wet, and now i am cold and i need a hug and it's cold and i'm still dripping wet.





i'd like to send you a text, but i don't want to bother you, i know you're busy.

"hey, i love you."

somebody look at me, hello i think i fucking exist?

I come undone, oh yes I do

Just think of all the thoughts wasted on you.

i just smiled at something i shouldn't be happy about.

i have a boyfriend.
......... i have a boyfriend.
and he loves me and i love him
of course i love him
uhhuh, i love him.

i just smiled at something i shouldn't be happy about.
(still hits me like a gunshot)

i was feeling down.
then dinie said "don't make me force you a headstand"
"headstand for what fuck?"
"at least your frown will look like a smile"

i smiled instantly.

then we walked, and everywhere we went he was waving to friends
(not in school)
he went to secondary school in woodlands, so he knew plenty of woodlanders
and i was like "sad sia, you know so many people in woodlands. i stay here yet know no soul"
and then he ran 10 metres away from me.

"Hi rynn! Where you going?"
"what?"
"well now you know someone."

i laughed like an idiot.
stupid guy, knows just WHAT to do to make me laugh.
i don't think i'll ever cry in front of him.

"rynn are you sleepy? you look sleepy."

i nod.
inside im screaming NO IM NOT SLEEPY,
I WANT TO CRY, IM NOT SLEEPY.

they say no boy is worth a girl's tears, and the one who is will never make the girl cry.

i know someone who'd do that.
never make me cry.

but right now, i can feel my eyes welling up.
i see waty gesture me a funny move.

i force a smile.

strange how people seriously can't see through me
i must be good
good at acting

a day without sunshine.
i'd tell you what a day without sunshine is like.
a day without sunshine is like, you know.
night.

it's a love-hate relationship.
like you know.
he loves me, i hate him.
=)



know what i noticed?

the two really valuable mourn-able exs i've had,
both started with Hs.
Hakim
Hazim.

..........and im with someone with a H too HOHO
neh, im just bored in class.









i tossed around, and i saw your face.


to be continued.

SO, i was with Zack and Mikey all morning since 2am. They're so funny i swear. We went nowhere and did practically nothing real yet it's one of the best funs i've had yet. I laughed till i had cramps and couldn't bend. That bad. I guess, especially, it's just Mikey's face and Zack's voice. And their gayness. But they're oh so awesome.

I'm supposed to sleep but i can't.
=/








Cause are you such a dreamer?
Put yourself in my shoes
Careful what you wish for love

I'm missing something,
not to blame
But don't you worry,
this will pass
It's only cause my mind's
been spinning
No control,
I've lost my head
All of this is just beginning
Not enough,
it's never enough
I'll only want to keep on dreaming



i want you to know how much it hurts,
the throbbing in my chest,
a beaten, battered empty heart,
the longing of, when apart
i want you to know how much it hurts,
but i just can't say, okay?

same old routine, pretend i'm fine
it always worked.

wait, can't wait, wait for nothing
always for nothing

morning will come

i just found a friend.

After my group presented about 3.10 pm, i headed out of class (chiao) with Dinie and went to the library. We took the guitar, played some songs. Then we jumped to the piano. He. Was. Epicly. Awesome. I love how he played! He was super good. Then we headed back to class, and wanted to watch movies. So i went to his empty dark messy class and we watched Jeniffer's body and Final Destination. We sang and drew and laughed. Walked to mrt as he had to go to work. If not, i think we'd both be still there watching shows. He's one of the few people I can totally do nothing with and enjoy every minute of it. Funny guy. Laughter was prolonged. Things are looking up.

Hello, new buddy.

Isaac Irnellie says:
never meet uh-piezes uh alwaes so free
Rynn Reochque says:
uh piezes uh? hahahahahha

so, i got black.

erghhh.
pros?
now's world cup season,
south africa.

i can lie and say i support world cup so
now im like



african.



happy second month, love.

love you more than ever.

wtf.

"Eleven plus Two" and "Twelve plus One" both equal 13 and both have 13 letters. In fact they both have THE SAME 13 letters

we're not made of gold,
we are made of flesh,
of bones and heart and soul
we are many times more precious
than gold,
priceless, to say the least.
so stop saying that
we are made of gold
gold is nothing but a yellow
piece of metal.




SHIT TODAY IS ENTERPRISE AND HERE I AM
IN SUPER UNDRESS-EDNESS.

WTF SPAG AND SHORTS FOR ENTERPRISE?
IM SO DEAD.

THE ART OF FLYING. CHAPTER ONE;
RULE OF THUMB
- Be ready to fall.




justin beaver HAHA wth?



i cant believe this.
i cant believe you're all still bugging me
for contacts of people
for an event
that does not include me.

four good fuckin words.

what. the. flying. fuck.



you're here to fill up empty spaces,
so why are there more holes now?





is it okay to jump off a cliff?
or rather, building?

and live, of course.

sigh, school is so tiring. we're all so tired.
watched karate kid with waty baby and khai.
was funny! IT WAS FUNNY because they made it funny.

hakim didn't come along.
BECAUSE HE'S IN ECO TRAIL! ECO FUCKING TRAIL.

hahahaha.
but strange, i feel strange around him
because i dreamt about him.
IT WAS SO WEIRD.
but okay.

haa time to concentrate




i saw you with her did you try to hide away

my fault im too careless
i gave you one too many pills

well heres a good man and a pretty young girl
trying to play together somehow

its the good times that we share and the bad times that we have

well its been a long slow collision
so i need some fine wine and you
you need to be nicer
for the good times and the bad times
that we'll have

maybe you never held me in those lonely times,
maybe you never told me you're happy with me,
all these little things, it matters
wish you took the time.

i want to leave you because i'm insecure,
does that make any sense?

"she will ask for the truth, but she'll never believe me. funny girl. but i love how she's so independant. sometimes i want her to depend on me more. so i can be mr.fantastic superhero and come to her rescue. but she's always fine. hhah, rynn, rynn." -from farel's private blog.



it's been 214 days.

And I still feel like i've just fallen for you.
But i feel alone.

I wish you were around more, and i wish i wouldn't wake from horrible nightmares so much. I hate hurt and you should know better. Sometimes i wonder what i actually want. From you. Yesterday i woke up early from a nightmare, again, and took a stroll by the beach alone. I ruminated over everything you did for me. And i realised, there's so much, in such a short time frame. I know i haven't been the best. I owe you, big time. Sometimes, i get so pissed at you, or i suddenly throw off a mood, because i miss you. I miss you and i hate missing you because there's simply nothing i can do about it. Most of the time, i fight it off, but in times of need... But i can't say you didn't try. It's never been your fault.

I thank my parents for the holiday. It was great. We went canoeing on the first day, snorkling on the next and we explored a huge dark super scary ghostly intimidating tiring cave. I am ten times more tanned, but it's okay. I was taught a lot. I was taught how to dive into the middle of the sea without being afraid, i was taught to enjoy myself and not give a toss about anything, i was taught to see the beauty of nature, i was taught to appreciate. I had a good time, but deep down, i was aching to go home.

AND now that i'm home, i'm actually aching to go back.
The place. Was marvellously beautiful.
I need to go back. It's a true getaway.
Pics up soon.



the hardest part of leaving was

piqy.
my little baby.

can't wait to see her tomorrow.

i envy my friends with the millions of pics with their bf/gf!
they must meet sooo very often
and i did ask too how often they meet
~ average 2-3 times a week.

wow.

=/



i took a large piece of paper
and a thick black marker pen
wrote something, and pasted it above my bed
so everyday when i wake up
i'll see it.

"I WAS GONNA"

this is so that i would be inspired to do things
i want to do.
so there is no need to say
'i was gonna' when i die.

even thought that's a long way
from now.

i met haziq for a bit today.
see, i knew meeting him is a fuel to happiness.
can't wait for tomorrow.



she's the girl i used to like. i only liked two girls before.
what? she and who?
my ex.
oh you dont like me!? sad max
no i dont like you
BOOOOO.
i love you
HAHA OMG SO SWEET SIA.
true what!
haha aww.

where i'll be staying.

Thanks Nazz, Khai, Haziq, Fique & Love especially for hearing me out.




fucking sad right now.

i'll just sink into the closest people now.
the rest, byebye.

Doses of Ziq makes me happy
We met yesterday and i swear i laughed too much.

But then there are things that can make me laugh
Even in the downest of moments.
Like Sahidah's "see view"
and love's muke angin
and haziq's so many things
and farel's ripped at the wrong place jeans
and hakim's sunshine smile
and shamin's world laug

haha ok enough i'll laugh.

meeting ziq AGAIN today. yest's pics up soon.



youre a part time lover and a full time friend



To show potential. Something you don't see.
Nobody's seen the best of me, except for
my family, who often encourage me to show it.

go sis, you know you'll make it, my brother says.
im not the best, i'll say back.
Because that's what it is. I'm never the best at anything.


"Don't you know? Don't you know Rynn, you could break my heart a million times and go for a thousand other guys out there, leave me stranded in this cage every other day, and i would still love you?"

Thanks frel. I just wish it were easy to love you back.
Love isn't an easy word. Not to me. But, you know i do.
Somewhere, somehow. As a friend of course.



it's not that we don't care about you.
tell me, if you knew i'd be eaten by crocodiles,
would you sit there and watch, with popcorn in your hand?
if you'd do that, you're a true asshole.
but i'm sure you wouldn't do that, right?

really, most of us care. don't say we don't.

laughing even in our discontent.
two more weeks.

nothing in this world worth fighting for

this upcoming week, i will not rot again! haziq's had his holidays, = 100% haziq-filled days. He's one of the few people i can sit and do nothing with and not feel bored. Very very few people have that specialty. And that just rocks because i won't feel bored anymore. I'm tired today, and i feel like sleeping all the way. But i'm too excited to sleep. Excited for tomorrow. Morning to night! Oh i can't wait.

you're worth fighting for