“All that I am, or hope to be”

June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 December 2010 January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 April 2011 May 2011 June 2011 July 2011 August 2011 September 2011 October 2011 November 2011 December 2011 January 2012 February 2012 March 2012 April 2012 May 2012 June 2012 July 2012 August 2012 September 2012 October 2012 November 2012 December 2012 January 2013 February 2013 April 2013 May 2013 November 2013 December 2013 February 2014 May 2014 June 2014

dont tell me things that might hurt, i'd rather not know,
really, cheat on me, whatever, just don't let me know
i don't need to know, i don't want to know.

i am officially tired.

and bored.
everyone is not free.
the only free person i know is
hakim
and we'll end up rotting face to face AGAIN.

kim, rot wimme?

hey kaknis, my mother wouldn't have minded on whoever i go out with as long as i won't get influenced by whatsoever. though i do sometimes but thats besides the point.



i know what i'm missing,
but i hate myself for missing him.

Guys, this is the last time. I won't put up with such bullshit anymore.
I'm sorry if this aggravates you. You've done a lot for me and i
appreciate it. But this is wrong. You do not own me.

And for you. I hate it so much that my existence diminishes when
you're with your friends. I hate it that you make it seem like
i'm second. i understand that you need your time with your friends.
but you should know me better. you should know how insecure i am
despite this hard front, despite this showing the world i don't give a fuck.
i do, and i do a lot.

It used to be "upset? i'll cheer you up"
now it's "get over it"

is there a maximum time frame for getting over something?
Like has ten and a half months exceeded the time quota for being hurt and afraid and insecure? Hey, truth is, i've never gotten over it.

I lie to myself and tell myself i have.
But i've never been hurt so bad.
And i'm afraid it'll repeat.
Even though you vow and promise it wouldn't.
It's a fear i cannot leave behind.
After what happened, i don't believe in 'true love'.
True love, it's motherfucking blind.
It doesn't bloody exist, it's a lie we tell ourselsves
to help us live on.

I've had enough of lies.
I want to come clean but it'll hurt so many people.
It'll hurt you.
You don't know a thing what's really happening
Behind your back.

And i promised never to tell you.

daddy said don't fall in love now, it will hurt. I know he's only trying to warn me. I know he's been there. And i know never to fall too deep. It'll be hard to get back. What i don't know is, if every relationship is the same. It has to be, in some ways. It begins. It flourishes. It ends. Some cycle.

images.
if only my mind had a delete button.

sorry fique, sorry farel, sorry derrick, sorry issac



my eye still hurts!

i had an awesome awesome night.
we walked for miles.
we lied down nowhere.
we had no sense of direction,
no certain goal or target
no plans

but we had each other
and that is all it takes.

thanks love for the night.
=)
love you loads.



monday and somebody's back!

matt told me to revisit my past.



don't need to stare at me like that right?
what's your mofucking problem, aqillah?

fucked up.
cheat on my friend's feelings.
and my friend's friend.
youre so cheap.



my eye hurts.

today's thursday, which makes tomorrow friday!

LOVE. WHOLE DAY PLEAAAASE.

so, i couldnt hold back much longer. i HAD to spill.

staring at the floor, i told him all.
i let him down.
but instead of him being angry,
he put his arm around me

then he said
"i loved you first."

and now i'm at loss of everything.

hours pass and days creep by, and i'm still living on nothing.

fling.




FRIDAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY~!

Cant wait.

Hakim says:
wait i change my email to iamwithangkong @ live.masjid
RynnReochque says:
HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHHA

(hakim from SP not RP)





i wonder, sometimes, if you're ever better off without me.

i mean, let's be practical.

because of me, you get worried
you will need to miss something,
your days are sucky because
you cant be there for me,
you have to sacrifice your time for me,
you can't meet new girls
you need to spend

... really, sometimes the cons defeat the pros.
like what are the pros now?

someone in this world who loves you this much exists.

my best friend told me that when you love someone, you don't even care how you yourself feel, as long as person's happy.

i wonder if someone out there could ever love you better.
im sure someone would.

remember zacky?

the guy in ns, with the girlfriend.
he told me to be strong.

his girl left him.

i feel so sad.

I can't believe the things that happen to me
I guess that I should have seen a long, long time ago
Letters you write don't help me get through the night
So, I'll just turn out the light
and sleep here all alone

All the love, all the love in the world

He lingers in the night and puts me to sleep, he pulls me up when i am down, pick me up when i fall, tells me i look nice, cheers me up when i cry, he accompanies me when i'm alone, he sings to me when its quiet, he holds my hand when i'm afraid, he keeps me warm when i am cold. He's not an inch away, and every time it's peaceful i can hear him whisper 'i love you' in my ear.

Even though he's nowhere near me, not around me, i can feel him, and he is there. he's always there. always.

he's a contradiction, a paradox, an inconsitency, and he took with him part of my heart.
and i declare no regrets.

i miss you, love, i miss you to the point of tears.








maybe this isnt the best of times, but you know,

i envy my friends who get to see their boyfriends often

SO, i have a thing for this girl called Aqillah. I asked for her number for my dear bestfriend Hakim. I actually RAN for her number. I'm sure she's motherfucking flattered. So anyway, she told Hakim she just got out of a bad relationship. Story unwinds, she's still with her boyfriend. But that nevermind. Pissed for pissing on my friend, but it's pretty manageable. Everyone gets hurt sometimes.



--------- says:
i feel disappointed everytime im with u
i feel everytime ur single
but when i think deeper i forgot for awhile tht u haf a bf

this is sad.
goodmorning people. today is bound to be extremely rotten.

Waking up was a drag. I hated school, i hated mum and dad, i hated the painting on the wall i hated the comforters i hated the sunlight i hated everything. Everday seemed to last forever, and the ache only grew. I lied to myself, telling myself most of the time that it was simply not worth it, he was a waste of time and i should have known better. But i couldn't help it. I felt cheated in every way and the feeling disturbed me. I felt stupid and embarrassed of my stupidity. I was given a warning, yet i failed to recognise it, and kept on living in ignorance. It was cold, it was sordid, and it was lonely.

Until i met him.


Fridays seem to be like visits to heaven. I loved you in every way, and you loved me. I was like a happy butterfly fluttering around. Or a baby bird chirping at its newborn life. Everything seemed colourful, and it was all bright and cheerful. I felt complete, and it all felt real. .Nevermind the week-worth's wait, i was willing. And i was glad because i knew you'd stay, and the way we compromise, i knew it'll all go fine and dandy. Picture perfect. The role model of all relationships. We both changed for the better for each other, and we both worked to go forward. It was all honest and true and life-embracing. I was happy. We were happy.














have you ever wondered how you'd crumble and and slowly die
when you think of the one you love suddenly gone?
gone and never gonna return.
and then you'd wish you had done more.
to show the love for that person.but can't.

sigh, the same shit everyday.
same crummy brain-CLAMPING things to think about in school.
same paths, same things done.

i want excitement.
something completely new.

i think because, when i meet love, it's different and new now, and not meeting him just
makes
everyday boring.
NS = saddening.

lucky my class' the awesome kind.

p.s. i slept in class
p.p.s. i couldnt take it, i went outside class, and continued sleeping.
p.p.p.s. can't sleep now!

i brought salad to school today!
(Y)

today sucks. module sucks. UT sucks. it's bound to be a sucky day.

last night, i fell asleep, but today my boyfriend told me i talked to him on the phone. but i don't remember doing that. think of it! i was unconsciously picking up the phone, unconsciously talking and what not, and worse still, i could actually insist on continue talking despite him telling me to sleep.

and now i don't remember shit.

cool like crazy!

and today is hot like crazy




"if you were my girlfriend, i don't mind being a slave to you" - Naufal.

HAHAHAHAHAHAH REALLY.
HMMMMMMMMMMM.






you said you wanted to be alone.

and then you keep asking me around.
i don't know what to think.
sometimes, i feel like i need to see you.
but then again, i shouldn't have that need.

i wonder if you read this blog.
i wonder if you knew everything all along
since you sometimes guess it too perfectly.

do you? tell me.








"y'see..yr bf dont take advantage babe..he's merely dependin of u for a form of support.becos thats the reason why he chose u and u chose him..that is why u both are in this together..they dont expect u to wait babe..they just need yr support in this..none of us who has sweet girlfriends like u all would wana serve this 2years..its just the call of time babe.
sometimes ya gotta realise why u wanted this relationship in the first place.
this is the first test babe.
many of my friends didnt made it past the first year..i did.and i have 9more months left.
u can makeit too if u cld just shut all he distractions that u have at sch and think about yr bf..who just wants to book out and see u.and spend time with u..
who feels bad that he have to sacrifice anoter week not being there for u for somethin he completely dont wana do..and have no say over it."

Thanks Suhaimi. I hope your gf stays too.







i love how i can make big matters seem puny and meaningless.
infection.
Farel, we made a promise. Pinky promises! So shut it.

I don't feel like doing anything right now.
No, i feel like going overseas. Some other place.
That will be awesomeish.

today, i got married.
today i went for my honeymoon at australia,
and we went to the beach! and the theme park.

around the theme park.

it was pretty sunny and my skin is sensitive to overexposure to sun.
SPF45 ain't no help.

so, if you see me and i'm peeling like a snake, understand that
i just came back from my honeymoon at australia,
and we went to the beach! and the theme park.

pics up soon ;p

"When it rains it reminds me of you. Although you're only going further by the second, I still always walk outside in the rain and kiss it just for you. It never fails me. The rain will always come and I'll always love you. Next time you see a storm on the horizon please don't fear it's just heaven doing me the favor of taking you my kiss. Walk outside and kiss the rain whenever you need me."

dry my eyes.