All that i am, or hope to be

“All that I am, or hope to be”

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

i'm gonna be late for work -_-

warriors of love

i'm dead beat!
workworkworkwork. $$$ come to me. i wanna treat the ones im close to.
and i'm totally ignoring someone whos such a liar. she can do whatever she wants. bitch about me. whatever. i aint gonna talk to a liar like that. i gave her my sympathy and care and i loved her. but when everything's just a lie... well that's what it is. she's two faced and a liar.

i'm going to work! yaye i'll be seeing Jiayi again at work wheeeeee.
p.s. jiayi's another part timer. she rocks please.

IM AT WORKKK

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

MEHH CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? Jiayi showed me how to go online. and here i am online at work! wee so fun.

i feel dreadful.

random photos at cousin's blog that has me in it (eee so self obsessed)

randomly on each other.

texting someone.

we all happen to be in black! (p.s. i was from work)

father make-up daughter.

there is more, will update soon

workworkwork sleepy zzzzzzz

yknow i used to be alone before i knew you...

Monday, March 29, 2010

yesterday was my dear sis' birthday so we went to ecp to celebrate. without really telling her until the very last minute. we had games, loads of laughter... it was fun! but what was more fulfilling was that everyone (cept afif and the MIA aunt&uncle) was there, and that we all managed to make kaknis' birthday something she'd never forget. Our main aim is to let her know that we are family and, well, this is what family do. We're here no matter what, and we only want the best for you. I'm glad she's happy.

The tiredness though, is unbearable. I went to work first yesterday, then went to ecp. Everything's aching. At work i need to keep on carrying those heavy boxes beside the cupboards to get stock. It's heavy and my back is aching. But who really cares right?

" I know you're happy with someone else. I just wish I could be him. I want to see you smile like you used to with me. Everytime I see you now, you're busy checking your phone like it's a matter of life and death. You're not the same, with your job and your fridays and saturdays occupied. Come back, give me another chance." - adapted from ______'s blog.

who is this for? who is this forrrrrrrrrrr!?

Sunday, March 28, 2010

HAHAHHAHA STUPID COUSINS IMMITATING THEIR NEW MANAGER HAAHAHAHAHHA

work mode

i was so pissed on friday thanks to the director and mimi.
mimi. bitchhhh (if you read this, HAH)
anyway, yesterday had a whole full shift from early 10 am to late 11 pm. thirteen hours rotting away at that bloody counter. but...

thank god at eleven Isaac Farel Derek Dee and Mardee came! They had a shooting or something, and they came for free makeovers. I was so tired standing forever doing their faces to the point that i dragged my chair and sat while doing their faces. They left by two, and i sat there rotten again. Hungry. Thirsty. Because you see, i didn't eat or drink all day. I did attempt to go to Mac to grab something but NOOO as soon as i reached mac somebody from the cashier called me dying phone to come back cus some prissy customer wanted something or another.

SO i came back. Dying. Then a hero comes.

I swear it was unexpected and i was totally shocked. I was so busy serving a customer who bought a ninety dollar blush brush, i didn't realise him pacing back and forth around my counter. Then when i did see him after customers left, i was elated.

Not to mention surprised.

Love came! That made my day and supressed my tiredness. I think i looked pretty idiotic so shocked. Why is he a hero then? WELL, he bought me a drink and snack! That saved my life. I got dizzy when i stood up after squatting looking for items for customers. Talked for a bit,

stole a kiss

and then he left. and straight after, i called Syifa from Origins counter to come and have some water since she was dying of thirst. Then i bent down my counter and ate like i've never eaten before. Or maybe when i was about 11 years old. It was satisfaction, i was rejuvenised! But not much customers came after that to run about for anyway. But still!

Thank you love for being so thoughtful and sweet and thoughtful. Thanks for coming by surprise and making me smile. Really, thanks. Really truly appreciate it. I can still smile right now. It just shows you care and i need that!

Anyway, i managed to sell 2186$ yesterday! ABove target yaye. Money, come in, money.

i'm up early today cus i have to go to work and i just feel the urge to blog. oh another long day.
but im leaving at two...

HAPPY 21st BIRTHDAY KAKNISAAAA.

Friday, March 26, 2010

Farel A says:
Listen to this and don't stop listening for an hour
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-VJcfXdR1X0&feature=related
RynnReochque says:
errrrh.
Farel A says:
oh please scream my name
RynnReochque says:
whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa? you on drugs or sth?
Farel A says:
HEHEH fortunately,,,
RynnReochque says:
o.o WHAT
Farel A says:
High on person
RynnReochque says:
is that even possible?

IS IT?

lol look what i found (not written by me but is for afif)

things to bring:

$$$ for surias and marlbs

1 box lighter (we alwaaaays lose single lighters)

5 paper fans (to fan away the smell from our room)

5 cans of air freshener (the same smell please, else lemon+lavender+vanilla+whatever=shit)

camcorder

battery charger

guts

feeling

actions

synchronized dancing plan

a strong stomach for non-stop laughing

and most importantly

CLOTHES

toothbrush/paste

shampoo, CONDITIONER(confirm tangled hair)

soap

pads(in case pls)

oh, and memories of the people we treasure so we won't stop thinking about them when we're there. out of sight + out of mind = bad.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

KAKNISAAAA DONT BACK OUT BECAUSE OF AFIF PLEASE.

we ALL love somebody in our lives right!
its three days, not three months or bloody years.
i'll miss a weekend with him, which also sort of means no-meeting again for two weeks.
but whats there to lose?

if afif loves that girl SOOO much that the girl comes before everyone including his family even though she broke his heart,
then so be it.
let the dumb and ignorant be eaten alive.

now dont YOU back out because the purpose of the trip would then be forsaken.
we're family
the one, the real ones who gives you food shelter, the ones actually contributing to your living.
that guy didn't give you food or shelter.
that girl didn't give afif food or shelter
hell, even the guy i'm dating doesn't.
we're still relying on family, and all they want in return is for us to be THERE. not our money or our souls or whatever else.

just be there....

p.s. SAD actually stands for seasonal affective disorder.
wtf?

this just cracks me up.

well there was a time when you let me know
what's really going on below
but now you never show that to me do you

What is the future but tomorrow's today?

warriors of love - s.a.d. feat kyara

omg farel you suck for sending me that song

so addictive. somehow.

anyway, i've been out and about only usually for work nowadays. no more wasting time. time is money. (ee i sound so what)

anyway someone told me a very useful advice, when i said i'll never make it to what my high ambition is.

he said : keep chasing your dream, don't stop running.

don't stop running.

don't stop.

ever.

all smiling

because you take me as i am
because you dont expect me to change in any way
because you know the right words to say
because you love me however nerdy or pessimistic or shallow i am
because you are always game for compromise
because you listen to what i have say
because your hand fits well into mine
because your smile can light up my day

Sometimes i think i really do look bloody stupid. =/

... to sis

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

you can gag and poke and blabber and jibberjabber all about him to me.
i'd listen as neutral as possible.
i'd tell you not to forget about him, but everyone's been asking for that.
it must be difficult for you.
i guess, positive side, you know he doesn't hate you.
and he didn't dump you.
that'll hurt more right?
we plan, but its not in our hands totally.

you can talk about him to me, really.
i won't mind one bit, and i won't spill a word.

ive always wanted a sister who'd stick by me.
and so in return. we're not much, there's only nine of us. the other four are still young. you have me an Kakna. Difference is, i have the time. To hear, to understand, unjudgingly, to be there.
i'd love to be there. and what better way to try get over it (since everyone's wanting you to ) than to pour it all out on someone else? right? trust me, it makes you feel loads better to unlock yourself and spill up the contents. you KNOW i'd be more than willing to listen, me being me. i'm sure he wasn't an angel, there must be positives and negatives in him right? well, i'd wanna know too.

i took six whole full months to get over my ex.

and now, well, i might as well be the happiest girl alive. cus you see, i'm blessed with someone else. fate is not in our hands, but we're working to make this last. it's a blessing in disguise. if my ex hadn't dumped me back then i wouldn't have met him. then i'd be spending at least one night in a week crying my eyes out to a mini-accident-turned-tragic-fight. over stupid things, both denying as if it'll cause death, both never giving any compromise. looking back now, i feel stupid.

it was a super tragic relationship. what was i seriously thinking?

there was no freedom, our relationship was fuelled with anger and jealousy, there was no sparks, we fought very often over stupid things, blamed each other a lot... It'll never work out. But it taught me a lesson.

There's always a lesson isnt there? Life's nothing but a series of lessons.
Anyway, point is, you're probably only looking at the positive sides of things. The negatives are hidden, blinded by love. A real relationship shouldn't be like that, right?
Like, you're supposed to see the flaws, and accept them. See the negative and avoid them.
But hey, there was never a book of rules.

spring

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Distant tho I am
Orange, gold, and green
Firing, flaming, colors surround me
I'm always wondering where you are.
Darling shouldn't I be the one
Wondering after all I am the one who is gone
I'm always wondering where you are.
I'm always wondering
I was just wondering. If
I'm the one...who is gone
Who is gone ?

you
disappear too soon

cheeeers

i got me a NEW vaio!

for school.

in the colour....

ironically

green.

-_-

rynn

green

grynn

yknow, people's been fooling around with my name being green a LOT. green isn't even my colour. but the colour is very very light green. green-white. iridescent white-green. pretty nice.

currently nothing to do. thinking of what to get for my cousin on her birthday. i NEED to get her something. she's like my sister please!

silence today. you must be busy. i shall not bother you till you send me a text message first.

...

Monday, March 22, 2010

(ee my face ugly)I FOUND THIS AT MY COUSIN'S BLOG. HAHAHAHAH CAPTION.

yes, my family name is chiry. (chee-ree) don't really understand why though. sounds so happy-birdy kinda thing.

oh that's my aunt by the way. the one who's married with a seven year old kid? the husband and her were lovers since 1987.

sigh, our family lacks eyebrows. DONATION PLEASEEE

hehee

OH BY THE WAY...

for the world to see.

HAHAHAHAHAH

(if theres a picture he doesn't like up there, i'm so dead. hoho)

i LOVE Sasya! From my counter @ RCP. She gave me free stuff from Shu and i am exhilirated. She's awesome please. And her boyfriend is so cute. Like small kid, she talks to me about him. We kick of pretty well!

Went to aunt's place at jurong yesterday. Was okay. I went there after work.
Aunt: Rynn, aren't you tired. you work six days, standing for hours on end in heels, and you still have other things to cope with?
Mum (interrupting) : She's coping really well!

There you go. Mum has spoken.

I guess i'm coping o-k.

Oh p.s., kaknis' birthday this sunday!

Met love on saturday. AFTER TWO BLOODY WEEKS. He probably doesn't know, but i miss him like crazy. I wanted to put superglue between us so we couldn't be an inch apart. But of course. Anyway it was a pleasure to meet him again, and here goes another week.

And about going a notch up, about us? The one we talked briefly about over texts yesterday?

Well, i guess i'm all in for it.
Only, i want it to last.
Like, long.
Like, till death.
Like, forever?

My aunt met my uncle at age fifteen. FIFTEEN. 15. Now she's 31, and so blissfully married with a child aged seven. It's so sweet. I admire them.

***

The other day someone came to my workplace before my lunch break so i had lunch with him. But i didn't want to. After the drinks, we sat and he started jabbing on about one thing or another i was desperately not interested in. Then i broke it off and said i needed the loo. I took my stuff, but i left my tag there. I was in the loo, almost done, and the exit was just a few steps away. To the lift that'll bring me to work. So i was thinking if i should go back to the table, take my tag, listen to him babble on some more, and walk off in time for work in a fashionable manner, or avoid all that and run.

I ran =)

Friday, March 19, 2010

I'M SO TIRED.

dead beat.

work has never been more tiring.

good thing is i always get thousand over for sales.

THATS GOOD okay!

anyway. gotta get ready.

cant wait for saturday <3

Sunday, March 14, 2010

i bet you could see the disappointment in my eyes

but nooo you can't cus you didn't even see me.

-_-''

but it's okay.

anyway, to a certain someone.

i've been thinking, wondering, dreaming even

of that night.

you got some things wrong

i don't like to be held. i don't like to be treated like a baby and be loved and put to sleep.

no, i prefer being the one loving and putting someone to sleep

and treat person as a baby.

eee, maternal instincts. sucks.

but really. and its true you said

i'm always smiling

i think i smile too much.

errr, beginning from shu uemura

customer serving= smile.

so now it's stuck

regardless how i feel

fake.

CANT WAIT for april. cus at the beginning...

it will be AWESOME. we're going on a holiday!

all of us!

cousins!

one room!

call the ambulance cus our room will be on fire.

literally smoky.

HOHO.

can't wait.

EH, P.S. MD ABQARI AFIF BIN OTHMAN(?) PLEAAAAAAAASE GO FOR THIS TRIP.

before we all get married and can't live like how we're living

i know you have a life outside us (so do the rest)

but your sis and two brothers are going! and even our oldest Kannuh is going.

not to mention me, i'm always under my mum's pits. you HAVE to be there

remember the little-r us? the cute past.

we were so closeeeeee. like siblings.

JUST THINK

the five of us

IN A ROOM

*eyebrows*

heh heh.

yes, let's not think about our eff BGR problems during the trip too.

hush-a-bye, don't you cry

go to sleep

my little baby

no direction. not looking forward. at all.

pchas

when North meets East

asked me out the second time, i say

no.

run across the fields, hide behind the trees

swim in the oceans, stare at the stars

no.

i'm sure i'd have a wonderful time

but i'm sorry

can't let you.

i have somebody else to wait for

Saturday, March 13, 2010

you're crying and falling to pieces cus you won't see him for 4 days?

HOHOH try two weeks

or 4 months

or 16.5 years.

eh WOW i can smile from ear to ear again.

THANK GOD you're awesome

im luckyyyy

lovessssssssss

confused

the wind is blowing from all possible directions.

dramatic exaggerations seems right.

i'm stuck.

i'm stuck and confused.

i want to lock myself in my room and never come out.

i want to run in an empty space and never stop.

i want to drop out of breath and let my vision blurr and pass out.

anything. i want to feel anything but this.

sorry lost meaning.

pure

Friday, March 12, 2010

Finally met up with Chico Abu Wan and Yan. funny bunch. YAN, (or whichever of you reading this) PLEAAASEEE hurry make the video! it'll be awesome ^^

it was alright. though, 65% of the time the only thing gushing through my mind is... well.

it's so sickening to keep mentioning.

yesterday went out with ziq. Supposed to work, last minute had enough manpower. Planned a random going-out, ended up with Syai, and then headed to ECP to meet up with Hakim, and then Afiq and friend Aqil. And then just like magic we all became sudden good friends. Sang ourselves silly, took fucked up photos, laughed to the point of madness. We're going out this sat (oh no, work?) plus rey. Awesome kids. Much loves.

Tomorrow (or rather, later) i will be meeting Matt to get my laptop or something and get some things done. Like finally gonna register. I'm such a procrastinator. But anyway, yaye i'm gonna meet my annual buddy.

I kinda miss Farel. And dee. And isaac. And fique (okay not so hehee) GUYS. please let's not all turn our noses up and get stuck with work when we all know you're all well-to-do and whatever money you earn now is for... for... for... well, i don't know. Nothing. Please? Miss you guys like mad.

Next week i will be working full week. I'm gonna be kept super busy. Well, i'd like to. At least i won't rot at home thinking about the one person i shouldn't be thinking about because it'll make things so awful. But i must understand. I'm sure he's only trying to suppress his own emotions, go numb and endure the no-seeing-of-friends-and-family feeling. NINE. MORE. DAYS.

pssst.

random candid barely five seconds.

erghhh i miss you like mad. yknow, it's strange but also awesome that we don't have spitting arguments or cryable fights etc. WHY are you so perfect? i keep telling myself it won't happen, but it's already happening... it's crazy. sometime's i feel i should stop sometimes i feel i can NEVER stop.

i can get winded up and go make up a long sad story or lie such that it'll look credible that i can actually bear not seeing you for so long since many people are commenting (annoyingly) about it and make some fairytale about how you'd teleport into my room just to say hello and i love you and then go back.

or, i can just stay put and tell them we have what they don't. which is why its bearable.

which is what i'm gonna do.

rcq

Thursday, March 11, 2010

me at 2 years old. ^^

dying.

im lying to myself. telling me that i don't need you.
such a mofo lie.
i love you more than life itself.

sometimes i wish you can be around more often so i could keep my mind straight
things go round and round so much.

gahhh.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

hurt.

i'm gonna break free.

frowns

Tuesday, March 09, 2010

i dont know if i wanna carry on with this 'love affair'. it's so scary where it may lead. i get the sleepless nights, i get the paranoid thoughts, i get the missing, i get the butterflies, the promises to keep, the boundaries drawn with other people, the impossibility of other possibilities...

it's scary. it's tiring. i want to withdraw, i just hope i'm not too late.

i don't want to have you alone in my mind. i'm afraid it's not the same to you.

and, maybe, look around. there's so much more without my presence.

i always do things halfway.

keep telling myself whatever happens now can't be real. its just a phase of life where nothing is actually real. it's all just raging hormones and the desire to be loved. i can give, but i don't want to take. this isn't the first time. when am i going to learn?

when am i going to learn? how many people have i hurt again?

ohh. i should really stop.

it's getting to me.

MATTEOOOOOO IM SO SORRY.

friday

i promise.

random

Monday, March 08, 2010

pictures by midnight (i hope) ^^

LONG DAY AHEAD.

i've to go to all places i've worked for shu uemura at (all counters) to claim my commission. WHAT a hassle. but for the sake of commission.

i'm supposed to bathe now, but i want to squeeze in that later tonight there'll be a million photos coming up! ^^ happy.

i'm a happy person today. even though today will suck.

but positive thoughts! i have everything now...

eeee

Sunday, March 07, 2010

HOW COULD YOU SAY HE'S NOTHING SPECIAL?

you're the one who's nothing arsyad.

that's why i dumped you ^^ you sucked big time and you still do.

anyway.

nothing you say or do will break me and him apart

so fuck off.

don't text me ever again, i hate you

i dont care what you wanna do with syeeqah,

just don't text me ever ever ever again

i HATE you. you and your ugly stupid brain

act how big got diploma

by fact from ite

no need to lie for small things. shows that you are ashamed of yourself.

can't even man up and talk properly.

he started the convo so nicely and there you go being an asshole again.

JERK. JERK JERK JERK JERK.

my love agrees you're one to never pay attention to

he tells me i'm stupid for accepting you back then

he's right

i was stupid

i regret ever knowing you.

waste my bloody time.

this will be the last mentioning you.

Saturday, March 06, 2010

i let you go because i had to.

starlight

i am shattered by the night.

but it feels so right, you feel so right.

i seriously lost my mind. look where it got me now. stuck in the same old situation. this will affect tonight. again.

i want you tonight.

but of course that's beyond possible. you're there and i'm here. dizzy. i need to feel your hand again. your warmth. it'll kill me. and if night is the best time for you, then

i will steal the sun, lock it in a cupboard and never take it out again.

when you walked away last night, all i wanted to do was turn back and run to you. you're not him and nobody ever will be you. and the last of me seeing you is like, what, for four seconds, to last for two weeks. in that kind of situation.

i will take the long road, but it leads right back to you.

Thursday, March 04, 2010

close my eyes, and you'll still be here with me

"Well I might come over just to tide me over cause the waiting might kill me if I don't come over.

Why does time move slowly when I'm not with you and the sunrise ,

It comes too soon."

- from _ _ _ _ _

I KEEP POSTING OMG.

i'm glad things between us are better now.

least i get to keep my best friend.

the way to express love is so

well, least to say, limited.

a hand

a hug

a kiss

its never enough.

it's just a small fragment of the true expression.

i wish i knew more. much to learn.

THIS IS A POINT.

A PROBLEM SHARED IS A PROBLEM MULTIPLIED

The worst things to say at the end of one's day is;

might have, could have, should have, but didn't.

you're like a drizzle

you're like a drizzle,

you're partial but you're full,

you're warm but you're cold,

you're sunny but you're gloomy,

you're sticky, meaningless, yet

you're replenishing and amusing.

you're certain of rain but you're not,

you're ongoing but stopping,

you're forever but you're a second,

you inculcate fear,

you inculcate hope,

you create a tremble of emotions in one little raincloud

but i still love you.

dry my eyes so you wont know

dry my eyes so i won't show

P.S. DON'T EVER LOOK BACK.

IM HAPPY WITH THE LIFE IM HAVING NOW.

lol.

Tuesday, March 02, 2010

Yo mama teeth are so yellow she spits butter!

boo x 1000

IF ONLY I HAD THOSE VISUAL GOGGLES THINGIE.

what dyou call it?

the goggles.

that project images when you put them on.

so you see things that are like, virtual reality.

oh what the heck.

i don't understand myself.

but, well, i hope you get the idea.

I WOULDN'T TAKE IT OFF PLEASE.

i'll go for a setting like, some random place

castle, heaven, underground,in the air,

wars, guns, swords, dragons, horses, rainbows and unicorns...

you get the idea.

the alternate reality would be so much better than

this mundane rat-race thing that

we're all going through.

i need some excitement.

i need some sparks.

i need fireworks and electric shocks

and and i dont know, i want to feel something.

look inside you, rynn.

look deep in.

what is it that you really want?

there's something you're not saying.

you're hiding it.

say it.

what do you truly

deeply

honestly

want?

want so bad that

not having it is killing you?

is it a roller coaster?

a new guitar?

a trampoline?

what is it rynn, just what is it?

Love? Hate? Happiness sadness anger?

Say it so we'll all know!

ans: The virtual goggles.

lone

the best goddamn thing that could've ever happened to me would be getting Piqy. The best gift of all.

Besides that i'm blessed with wonderful friends. Who are so busy working now, gosh i miss them like crazy. But most of all, i miss Isaac, i don't know why. I miss his crappy jokes. I miss his weird languages. I miss his dancing around me like an idiot. Making me laugh.

Bet he's the ONLY guy stupid enough to make me laugh.

ZAAAAAAAAC. Don't disappear.

Im gonna ask over the cousins because i'm literally dying here alone. It's hot and stuffy and i've been rolling around the house with piqy for forever. I don't feel like going out. I feel like staying where i am. I feel like rolling around some more, but not with piqy because i know she's irritated by it.

You know, typical love stories have an ending where best friends end up being together. And stories are usually based on reality, right? RIGHT? What if... just what if. Let's imagine.

Me and Farel

Me and Haziq

Me and Matt

Me and Hakim

Me and Isaac

Me and Fique (IMPOSSIBILITY)

Me and RnD (happened -_- broke)

OKAY so far pretty bad.

I can't put myself in that situation it'll be so odd.

They've been the ones who've seen me puke, seen me spanish-dance, seen me nervous, seen me pathetic, seen me laugh voiceless, seen me run away from spiders, seen me fall down the stairs, seen me spin around.

NOT gonna happen, serious. But they know me well. Some know im sensitive-ish, some know im somehow deep down hyperactive-ish, some know things even i don't know about me. Some have a special feeling installed, they know how i feel and come to my rescue. Like a sense. Spider sense. But i hate spiders.

This is so random i'm bored. boo time to bathe.

I WANNA BE SURPRISED

lacking emotions

problemsolving

Monday, March 01, 2010

GOSH i missed the gathering yesterday. It sounds so fun and kecoh, as my mum put it. Today she didn't go to work, a happy and tired mother she is. However the aunties (potential kaypohs) are soooo damn kecoh over my cousin.

Over my cousin and the guy she's dating.

Well, to my opinion it's really up to her. I mean, if she loves the guy... I want to talk to her about this but i dont know how and when. She is my cousin anyway and she's like a sister to me. We all grew up together, used to be damn close. The reason the aunties and uncles are so kecoh is because they care. I guess they also treat her like their daughter, and they don't want to see her suffer.

My mum did mention it doesn't matter what age the person is. What matters is how she's gonna live. I tried to imagine it. Put myself in her shoes. I can't imagine being a mother of two girls close to my age, with a truckload of responsibility.

Lets put the one i love having two kids and is as old as my mum.

I wouldn't care. I'd still love him regardless. But then i'd suffer in the future. But i won't care, because all i would care about is to be with him and try focus on happiness. But what happens after that?

There's nothing left to build. It's all done. Then all i can do is feed the kids, massage his feet when he gets back and cook and clean and iron and wash. Now that is an unearthly sight! I wouldn't like that. What i would like is, to start fresh. Someone as new as me. Then we can begin from scratch, and have all the wonderful memories. From sweet young romances, to a pretty marriage, to a perfect couply honeymoon, to the first pregnancy, the guy speaking to my stomach (THATS SO ALIEN BUT IT'S TRUE RIGHT?) and then our first child. Our first newborn child, and all the sleepless baby-cry-full nights. And all the father-child and mother-child moments. Our first family portrait. Our first child's broken heart. Pee-wee soccer. Our first house.

That'll be worth much more, don't you think?

It wouldn't be as precious if the child didn't belong to you. There'll be a lot of acceptance on the child part, and life will be hard to handle if you have so much. Unless of course if the guy is rich and can get a maid or something. Then all you have to do is sit down on a rockin chair, watch teevee and read magazines.

I want to know why the guy made such a huge impact on my cousin's life. I've learnt about this before. Matters of the heart, so hard to explain , so hard to forget. I remember how long i took to forget Zimmy. It took forever. I mourned for months on end, blaming everything that turns out bad on him. I failed a test? Zimmy's fault. I lost my keys? Zimmy's fault. Everything him. Because to me, nothing is worth without him. I lost interest in everything because everything reminded me of him.

Now when i look back, i realize just how silly i must've been. Very silly, really. He's only just a guy. Many people in the world, and what made him so special? The love blinded all the flaws, made them camouflage into the sweetness of it all. When we love someone we don't see flaws.

But now that i've learnt, i can see the flaws. I can see them, and i accept them. Or better yet, maybe (if im brave, someday), i can actually tell the guy about it and maybe things will change, so the flaw would be something like a lesson, that we can all avoid.

Dear cousin, i hope you see the problems that you are bound to face. But if you love the guy, then by all means. I don't side anyone because i think i know how you feel. It's so hard to let go. Love is such a dangerous thing. Like i said, matters of the heart. It affects everything in your life. I pray the best for you and i really want to know!

ANYWAY, you know a lot of my secrets anyway. Whatever the way you've found my blog. Haha. And you've met him. I trust you and i hope you trust me because I am your cousin anyway, and you know i'd keep these to heart.