“All that I am, or hope to be”

June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 December 2010 January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 April 2011 May 2011 June 2011 July 2011 August 2011 September 2011 October 2011 November 2011 December 2011 January 2012 February 2012 March 2012 April 2012 May 2012 June 2012 July 2012 August 2012 September 2012 October 2012 November 2012 December 2012 January 2013 February 2013 April 2013 May 2013 November 2013 December 2013 February 2014 May 2014 June 2014

i'm straining everything. i want somebody to come and let me lie on their laps and rock me and run his fingers down my hair and tell me everything will be alright. no, this actually happened before and i want it to happen again. only... a different person perhaps? there's so many restrictions now.

i remember, unwell and half-dead, and you were there, holding me safe, telling me stories i can cry to when i remind myself of them. gosh do i miss those days. what happened to us? seriously. you were the bestestest friend possible. you dropped by because you 'felt' something was wrong. what happened? you're still my best friend now and i am exploding with things to tell you. but you're just so busy and gone. drinking all the time.

sometimes i feel so lonely i want to cry. loudly. like scream at the top of my lungs. and pray somebody comes to the rescue. sometimes i want to babble on about the tiniest detail but then nobody would like to listen anymore. to the point i'm not even bothered to speak of whatever i've been meaning to speak of. i envy my friend's romances. i envy their fulfilled wishes and good times. i envy their happiness, but at the same time i'm happy for them.

ahhh, i wanna run away. i wanna be lonely ALONE and lost and desperate and unloved and missing and i'll love every second of it. cus it feels sort of the same despite being around people.

can't wait for haziq tomorrow. pfft.

had a pretty good day got to finally meet apisz again after 25612638390484567487484648398330329 eternities. Yes folks, that bad. ^^
Went round ion for a bit, then headed to city hall, had some light drinks, sat at riverwalk with some others, took a super long almost 2-hour bus ride home. and i owe him an itouch __ but i shall get him one uh.

money for nothing and the cheques for free

M(ex boyfriend): Valentine's day i would bring you out and we'll go on a date and eat expensive food catch a good show and maybe something more. Can i?
Rynn: Well sounds like i'd have a lovely time but i'm sorry, i just can't let you.

HE ACTUALLY TALKED TO ME. Oh my fucking gosh. After so long and so much troubles and dumpings and shits. No is the answer! ^^ i just know where it's all going to. I know where it'll all lead to and end up with. And then the same shit will repeat like an annual movie. Released at around the same time of year. This year will be part 2. But part 2 will NEVER happen.

i repeat, NEVER. byeee.

just let the matter rest.

imagine the breeze of the sea air in the middle of an exotic island with chilled coconut and umbrellas and sunbeds and the swishing sounds of the ocean. the smell of salt lingering the warmth of the sun. all relaxed like the typical words of psychologists.

let me rest.

why were you both arguing ??
let me guess
RynnReochque says:
i need to sneeze omg omg omg
its not coming out shit
okay anw. WHATS YOUR GUESS
Muhammad says:
cause you took he sanitary pad ??
*her
or she took yours ??
RynnReochque says:
NO LOL LOL LOL NOO
hahahaha
Muhammad says:
hmm
she used ur bra ??
RynnReochque says:
cannot fit lorrr
her boobs so big
Muhammad says:
thts y u angry right cause she tore ur bra when she was using it ?
RynnReochque says:
HAHAHAHAHAHA
Muhammad says:
kk. i shall stop with my perangai for now tht is



Went to work, was pretty late. Dressed like i was 20 or plus. Was damn irritated when some bus driver questioned me after i tapped the typical underage-student-tap thing. Had fun at work, went for lunch/dinner and then the whole largeass clan came. waited for new friends Hafiz and Amirul, but they took too long, so Haziq, Hairi, BOB(lol. Hafiz #2) and friend and me went home. Hairi stayed in P.Ris so he took bus 21, while the rest of us took 966 to woodlands.

Crapped away in the bus. Haziq dropped at Marsiling, leaving me (woodlands), HafizBOB(bukit gombak, he actually took to woodlands!) and Bob's friend. Bob's friend alighted at woodlands interchange with us and left for his bus. Then hafizBob ever so kindly (first time meet know! he thought i was japanese wtfwtf) sent me home!

I dont know why he's bob but they teased him as bob. So anyway bob sent me home yaye so kind right! WALK some more. And he stays in Bukit Gombak please. Virgos are (Y) ^^. [haziq is a virgo. usually haziq sends me off]

got home to ultimate pissedness and i don't wanna talk about it regardless to who-fuckin-ever.

did you think about what i said last night, knowing you, you probably didn't. i can picture your face on the other side, completely oblivious. did you really feel like this love is real? i wish i could join you.i wish you put effort in trying to make this new, i wish we were strangers, in all the excitement we'd fall in love~

i am gonna be grand-looking and all busy-woman-ish today. HOHO i'll take pichas!

=)

im in love with your love
im in love with your face
im in love with almost everything
that you say
im in love with you~

i am exhausted and should prolly have an early night. straight days of training to get that big money i want need and love.

pooped out and i miss my baby. (omg i sound so typical __)

Job is awesome please? Matt i dont know how you dont like it. I mean, sure challenges and the system is pretty crap butbutbut the colleagues are awesome! After the breif training ended at 5, haziq and i and some three other random new-people-also actually went out together. For the first time of meeting. By the end of the day of loads of laughter over cards and food and lame ideas and CashStudio and pasarmalam we still didn't remember each other's name. But now we do yaye new friends are always lovessss.

I'll remember your love
I'll remember your face
When it's over and done
It won't quite be the same without you
I'll remember you.

i remember, cramped in a single bed beside you. you were asleep. drunk-ish. or high.

million times(lie) in the night you tossed and turned, but when you turned to me,
you'd sort of give a little stretch, plant me a kiss, put your right arm(and leg)
over me unconsciously loving me
despite your deep sleep
and i'd smile and now i can't stop thinking
about how much i miss you
and how pathetic i somehow sound, replaying
memories.
craving, pining, yearning your presence like how we need oxygen after holding our breaths underwater and finally emerging on the surface.

but it's okay.
i'll hold my breath a little longer.
because being light-headed out of air, in love, feels pretty meritorious.
and awesome.

caurosed with you voice,
lost in debauchery of happiness.

Its not like i dont love you or anything, but that's not a way to put it. I've heard his side of the story and i don't think he's solely at fault. Furthermore. I think, straight off saying, bravely, that you're lying.

Your boobs not bleeding milk. Your physical being perfectly at standstill, and you're perfectly fine. The 60-day bleed? none. 5-month premature baby. With a birth certificate. And without him involved in a police case? Plus your parents totally in the dark. I've been there, for god sake and it wasn't even 5 full fuckin' months. And the chaos was beyond comprehension. I'm growing extremely skeptical. Extremely. I've talked to few of my friends about this and they're all really skeptical. They mentioned it being impossible, and calling me daft for ever believing such an unsustaining-beyond-imaginable-lie kind of lie. But i don't know. In any case, for now, i want not to be involved. But oh pity the guy. Everyone's so pissed at him when he didn't really have much to blame for, if you get what i mean. Come clean, babe. It'll make things much simpler.

What if the mother wants to see grandchild? What if we all want to see child. What if anyone called on the law or whatever department that keeps records on births and whatever related. I'd rather you not get into that kind of shit. I am actually worried for you. Seriously. The whole world will crash and crumble over you. Yet i can never emphasize just how much i really do love you. I really do.

And for that i hope the truth is to be revealed. Because i've did my googling like a geek and asked so many people around. And it's best for you to come clean.

I shall disclose your name and keep it private. but if you feel affected you can talk to me about it. i know this is like so bitchy of me but i really do love you and for him, i don't want the poor soul to suffer. the boy did dump you after some sex but not immediately and he didnt abandon you so be nice.



its a hot and sticky day. i dyed my hair black black black.

yaye to black. i look like ghost and my hair somehow turned mofo straight. this goes so well with red lips.

oh love.

I shall update about what i've been doing. Yesterday spent 200 good bucks on four pathetic pieces of clothing. Went shopping with Haziq, then lepak-ed with Fana at night. Waited forever for the msg for me to call love. Omg weird change of lifestyle; i hardly talk on the phone for hours on end. But fcos, he's in NS and we can't meet so often.

Me and Ziq have sworn over our hearts to work. WE ARE GONNA WORK. We must. Everyday is the same thing for both of us. We'll meet up and do stupid things (not that it's not fun, letting the inner child out is so fuckin fun). Yesterday had a fair amount of laughter and fun. Thank you Ziq for bearing with my picky and long hours of shopping and thank you for shopping with me and having your money disappear too from the shops when i made you buy things for yourself and going into girl's departments and look at me and judge how the clothes are on me like a good friend/bodyguard. Best friend right right ^^. Thank god love knows you.

I cannot help but brag about him please he's so perfect can bear with my incessant babble my low girl-friend high boy-friend rates my job my family my annoyingness all. MY BASTARD-NESS YES?







i fuckin love this. watch it. dont need the song i dont like the song.

"we can be friends" is so cliche. No, let's look at the truth. "We can be friends", in this term means we shall never talk to each other again, it ends here right now, a deep dive into the atlantic ocean during winter. Naked.

But that's not what it is. It is not that at all. In fact, i never intended much more than friends in the first place. And back then i really only wanted to be friends. Good, sincere ones. Like me and Haziq or me and Farel or Matt. I don't know how we came to, but we got along well. But that's all it is. We got along well. I refused to believe in love back then. Maybe you tried, i didn't see. I don't know how it really happened now, the one i love, but i don't care. I really do love him and i'm sure it breaks your heart to know.

This is so public.

It's not that i dislike things about you. You're nice. You're hardworking. You're likeable. There is nothing wrong in you. Perfectly normal human being. To me, you're all perfectly normal human beings.

Just that, he's not a normal human being. and no, he isn't an alien or some other lifeform or whatever. He has something more, to me, that i can never comprehend. something not normal. Something you might have thought i had with or for you.

Im still so sorry. Im still so so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I never meant anything at all. I just don't love you that way. Now things are gonna be so awkward it's gonna be so hard to talk again.

boo.

Waiting for the day
When I'd take your hand
And sing you songs
Then maybe you would say
Come lay with me love me
And I would surely stay

one moment could change your life forever.

family and i were in our respective rooms when the doorbell rang. we peeped through the hole, but there was noone there. dad bravely opened the door. what lay outside were two roses, each with a note.

one said "for the girl i love", the other said "for my best friend".

Both were addressed to me, but anonymously signed off. I wonder who did such a sweet thing, in the middle of the night, at my doorstep, in the middle of nowhere. Please claim your prize (a thank you). But alas, a thank you is all it is because i love someone else omg how many times must i repeat this. He's not here right now, but i will wait for him. And i guess it is true when you love somebody, friendship HAS to happen. How can you love someone you don't have a bond of friendship with? It'll be too blind, and blindness is confusing.

Everyone(including me!) says love hurts, but that isn't true. Loneliness hurts. Rejection hurts. Losing someone hurts. Envy hurts. Everyone gets these things confused with love, but in reality love is the only thing in this world that covers up all pain and makes someone feel wonderful again. Love is the only thing in this world that does not hurt.

i feel like telling the world. i dont care what everyone thinks or say now. i really do love you.

OMG YOU JUST CALLED. so late. do sleep well... and goodnight to all.




cuts like a knife.

I can't be with you. No, let's get things straight. You were right. I love someone else.
No, i take that back. I don't love someone else. I'm in love with someone else. Miraculously. And i'm proud of it. Because i think he's in love with me, too. I know, now you're thinking love is such a shit thing.

It is.
correction, it was. it might be, again. but i dont care. i wanna swim in the moment. But this doesn't mean i'm not sorry, or i dont care about you or your feelings. I do. And your words, in fact, every other person's words, echo in my head like there is an endless stream of nothingness in there. I keep imagining you saying them physically, your voice like a broken record.

Much despair over a selfish bitch like me, is no need, love.

i met Apisz today! for a few unenoughed minutes.
ok lie. hours.
but still.

pfftt

if what i heard was true, then i dont know what else to say.

maybe i was shit towards you but as what we had before as such good friends i wouldnt think youd say all that.

but if you did.

thanks ah.

the second, third, the fourth and fifth and sixth, a never ending series of heartaches. go away.

go and never return
go and never ever look back, i dont want you here
you know you want to
you know i hate you and you hate me . you say you love but your love is just a mask. it's all fake, so fake and i know i'll end up hurt again.. so just go. you're gonna make everything so horrible, as if it's not shit enough.





























no, come back...

i'm sick and i don't feel like anything. parents are going out later and i want someone; anyone at all to just come drop by and save my soul. somebody please.

Still sick, love? Yes. So fuckin sick. Now what do i do tonight. WHAT DO I DO TONIGHT.



Portgas D Iskk. says:
hahahaha yea u're right
so why arent u being attached to someone?
ahaha what kinda of question is that. but yeah im curious

RynnReochque says:
hahahah i dont know
nobody asked
for attachment
so... haha.

Portgas D Iskk. says:
hahaha really??
aww
but thats weird

RynnReochque says:
how come weird?

Portgas D Iskk. says:
ntahh? cos nobody asked u?

RynnReochque says:
nobodyyyy

Portgas D Iskk. says:
hahahaha bedekkkk!

RynnReochque says:
really!!!!!!!!!!!
nobody
as in ask me out got uh

OH MY GOD. i just realised this please. nobody DID ask me. -_-

M, please. No fuck's way will i ever steal your precious boyfriend. I have better things to do and better guys to date. Comeon this is so childish. Why are you so insecure. He asked me out because we live practically a stone's throw away. Only to get coffee. Plus you're schooling. Can't your boyfriend have friends then? No worries. I know he's hot and all but i don't care. I respect that you're with him and i shall only commit to friendship with your precious. Trust me. When in my entire life did i ever steal anyone's boyfriend. Never.

ANYWAY FIQQQQQQEHHHH msg-ed me last night. Oh my god ive not seen you since forever fiq! Didn't know you read this crap sane template of mine. Anyway, thanks. I've been thinking. Your words have big impact though they're just out of a text message. Bet it costs you 5 cents.

I shall love again.

I shall scream loudly and loudly-er for the world to know.







Dated March10, 2009, Tuesday.
[happy birthday jiayu.

ok now the real post.

flashy paranoid thoughts are taking over my brain. literally, my sight keeps freezing at awful images that do not belong. i need a bloody shoulder.

however bloody it is.

oh, shucks, please, tell me this isn't happening. the one time i truly deeply care and dedicate myself to a person, and he is in mortal danger. or, might be.

dengue! noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.

dont say im melodramatic. i am. but, bloody hell, fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck mosquitoes. hate them pesky bloodsuckers. see? my vocab status deteriorated because of them nasty little insects. so small, yet so dangerous.

but that's not the matter. i need to see him. i might die of depression or some other illness.. but again, thats not the matter. who can i turn to now? who can i be gladest to meet?
who will hold my hand and embrace me and kiss me ever so softly and keep me sane? who's gonna text me every night to wish me goodnight, who's going to meet me every friday? who's gonna keep me going through the day, make me willing to wake up? who's gonna give me that will to carry on despite all these crumbling shits toppling onto my head? who is gonna love me like he did?
i dont care if i'm gonna scrape up all my skin or lose my eyes or voice or whatever else that matters. i need him more than all this unimportant things. oh please, please live.

i know this all sounds very fucking selfish. but i very fucking love him and i cant take this much pain. i cant talk to anyone about anything anymore. ive been hiding everything from everyone. but not this time.

IMAGINE, if it really happens, and he becomes some ghost, always around wherever i go... i can't see him, but i can feel his presence. but i cant touch him, i cant hear him, i cant feel his hands again, i cant feel his heartbeat, i cant everything you can do to a person. i'd die.

argh, i dont care. go ahead and burn everything down. i'll do anything, while he's still around. even if he lives through this all, i'll still do anything. everything. oh god, please please, help me. i have nobody right now. nobody except him. =(

ZIMMMYYYYY please liveeee!!!!!!!!!!

God, might i ask, how many more challenges? I'm falling over...]

OH MY GOD. Was i that pathetic. Apparently so. This shall never ever ever ever ever repeat. I shall never never never never ever dedicate myself like that. Because, one minor breakdown = one massive breakdown of me. I don't care if you call me a cynic because i am and i am proud to be. I was so weak. I bet he wasn't even sick, that little liar. But the point of reposting this is to show how i truly honestly loved someone and how i shall never do it again. It hurts so bad. See, 'hurt' doesn't have a past tense. Because hurt always hurts and never passes, it continues to hurt and hurt and hurt until you're so hurt you're numb and feel no more pain.

[These are the times you press your forehead to your window, trying to see. You stare blankly, hopefully an answer crosses your eyes, so you could see it all. A week of doing so, and the answers took me into another dimension. Where everything moves synchronizedly slow. Sucking souls. I am not alone, but i realise it's better not to know.

These are the times you light your cigarette and feel the warm air wrap around your lungs. Forcing a smile to crease up upon your face. An exhale brings you back on earth. Another inhalation brings you closer to comfort... but never there.

These are the times you fall from a never ending sky and reach out, too weak to scream, strength left to hold on, but nothing to grasp, and nowhere to land. You just keep falling, enjoying the fear of what you'll meet along the way.

These are the times where your vision is slow, clear, but slow, and everyone's moving lips devastate you, your tears like a sin to them. Nothing fits but everything seems so right. Fighting hard, when you've already lost. Still fighting.

I wish somebody understood. ]
Dated 28 June, 2009, Sunday.

twelve mofo days after the break-up.

I was so weak weak weak. I'm not gonna do this. Based on analysis on my own character, i tend to get weak over people i love. Based on that same knowledge, I tend to give in even if i try to avoid. So now i need ultimate strength to avoid repetition. I wonder where i went wrong. I wonder then and i wonder now.

I guess that's what keeps me away. The questionmark hovering over where the halo should be.

I'm running away from love because I'm afraid i'll repeat the same mistakes, mistakes i don't even know about. Something must have gone wrong somewhere, right? It takes two hands to clap. But there is no fuckin way am i turning back to zimmy even if i had the chance. he's sucha coward please.

Well, as times go by maybe somebody will invent a cure for it all. A good working cure, like a medicine.


//edited; when i look back and saw this, i suddenly felt unsure again. i was in a dream. was it real? aye aye.

{I remember, the smell of your skin, i remember all your movements, i remember your breathing, i remember everything. i didn't think i'll ever open up since... i never thought anyone would be capable to undo what's done, make it seem like it never happened. i never thought i'd end up smiling inside out with a worry-free, comfortably warm feeling. i feel i don't even need to shop, or drink, or smoke, or eat or sleep because i'm so occupied and content, it's enough to satisfy. i wish i could say it all to you how i really truly feel. i wish i could explain just how much you made so much change for me in such a little time. i dont mind my mum rambling on and on about rarely seeing me anymore nowadays. i don't mind if i get caught or whatever. and if this is a crime, then i'm willing to be prisoned for life. hear that? i don't give dedication to just anybody. people will find it so hard to get to my heart. i don't know how you did it, and why you even did, but you did it with much patience and success. it feels so right, if only i could hand you just a fragment of my fragile little beating heart so you'd feel just at least a little of what i do. it's so hard, yet you make it so easy. i'll walk away with nothing, light, water, oxygen, if you are with me. physically impossible but i would. with a clear head i'm saying this for once and for all, something i've been caught dead trying to avoid, something i didn't want and felt negatively towards, something i dread and despise and do not believe in, something i refuse to admit before; i love, no, i'm in love, with you. i beg you not to break this, cus' it'll never come again. }

^^ i had a good day! lepak-ed at satelite spot at night with Ziqqeh and Apisz, talked somes, played cards somes, walked ALOT. Mum was blabbering cus she says i'm out too often, what nots with Friday and Sat's Afif's chalet. So when we've sent Apisz to bustop, me and haziq practically ran to my block.. THANK YOU best friend for willing to run with me just to send me home. you rock the life out of me! see, im so blessed.

record time: 20 minutes from admiralty to home. FAR OKAY! once home, Matt called, a concerned friend ! Hoho thanks Matt for calling. My free-call-guy SHARGH is supposed to call but when he did i wasn't free. Boo. BOO. I shall stay home the rest of this week, so people who asked me out, sorry. come over instead^^



the cost of making only the maker knows
valueless if bought, but sometimes traded
a poor man may give one as easily as a king
when one is broken pain and deceit are assured.

what is it?
^^

from ripe
to rotten
to real,
too late.
should i lie down
or stand up
or walk around again
my eyes finally wide open up
my eyes finally wide open shut
to find the foundt,
of sound
that hears the touch of my tears
smells the taste of all our waste
could feed the others
but we smother each other with the nectar and pucker the sour
the sugar sweet weather
blows through our trees
swims through our sees
flies to the last of breath we left
on this earth.

its a long lonely journey

matt said im fragile the other day.

gosh matt youre so right.

i want to sleep and never ever ever ever wake up. whatever the nightmare is there. at least, alternate reality is way better. syeeqah, cheer up youre my role model of strength.

dont let him shoot you. armors up.

wish i could tell you how much i need you
i dont know which is worst, to learn or not to know.
please don't listen to what i'm gonna tell you
look into my eyes and know that
i simply had to give up
but i didn't let go without struggle
you know i still love you
its just one of those things.

Leave me alone

Get out of my face. I'm tired of love, feeling so misplaced. time for you to go

'Cause I know I'm better off on my own

Leave me alone

FUCK. NOW SHAAARGH GOT IPHONE TOO.

omg i have the sudden feeling of extremely missing the HKs.

I'm at work ^^


tomorrow. tomorrow. tomorrow. i don't feel too excited though, mother's been in an awful mood lately, things tend to get ugly. things, including tomorrow. i've got a long day, i pray she won't call me halfway and tell me to get home because another member of the family is in hospital. yes folks, two of them are, and i find it more than annoying. not because they're admitted, but because mother gets cranky and unconsolable. you just feel like flicking your fingers on her forehead.

mehh. why am i doing this? tomorrow would be just a day. just another day. and whatever happens, that's all it is. a happening. once it's over, once tomorrow is over, that's it. another one long week of waiting and then another tomorrow. and another long week of waiting, and another and another. i need a schedule. no, im not saying i don't look forward, im just trying to cease the excitement.







i guess i'm not that good anymore.

i want my phone to ring. i want some people to drop by unexpectedly and surprise me like they used to. i want my used-to-be best friend at least minding me as a friend, no need for old times. he didn't even congratulate, or ask about me. but that nevermind. thank you for the memories. i want to sneak out in the middle of the night and run into the arms of a person i care for. i want to sing my lungs out, i want to run wild, i want to hold hands and spin around, i want to cry on a shoulder and not that fucking pillow, i want to go out and i never want to return. i want everything i love to be with me so i feel secure and safe and away from any fucking traumatic harm. i want to go dizzy and stay that way. i want to be in love.



i didn't study until the very last minute for o levels, and expected an extremely disappointing result. 2009 was a very very disgraceful year full of black ugly darkness and it was so full of shit so i expected a full of shit thing this year too. Fortunately i am saved by the average-ness of it all.

anyway, thanks Matt, you are awesome <333 for sending and fetching me from results and bearing with my incessant babble of nervousness. you. are. truly. awesome.

thanks to everyone for the support and love. i love you all.

mehhh. i am so bored.




im on numb mode i tell you. do not feel. do not express.

im so not looking forward for results please. but anyway.






i know i should update photos. people are waiting. here, and facebook. i havent even updated my turkey pics on fb nor have i updated the ranger pics super overdue. it's so annoying that whenever i feel good to upload, the internet asses up or lags. i hate it so.just hold on kay. i promise pit photos!

wake up, love.



this one is so fuckin' cute.




Met Apisz<3 ! Yesterday. We didn't do much, but it was still awesome. Caught Avatar on 3D (omg im so proud because tickets were selling out fast). Our seat location pretty much sucked because the exit sign light blurrified the view. But otehrwise it was a good show! Afterwards we walked around, then sat at starbucks.

I think quite a sum of money was spent yesterday, even though we didn't really buy anything. But then, when i think back, i'll give it all away.

He sent me home, then we bid farewell at the usual place where i say goodbye to everyone who sends me home.

Thanks for the day,love . Now: torture for another week.



i am so bored at work so i am gonna pour out events of yesterday now. Lets see.

I met Haziq in the early evening. We went to a playground and they had this spinning thing. We sat on each side (very small, can capacate 2 people max) and spun till haziq needed to puke, which thank god he didn't. We then headed for Sweetalk to get drinks, since it was scorching. Haziq bought some vanilla thing, and the colour was pale whitish like...

Lol. and the worst part? It spilled over his shirt, and looked so obscene. I laughed more than 15 minutes. Afterwards we walked to some 169 bustop, stopping halfway due to heavy rain and played cards. We were heading for SP! HAHA. No, not Singapore Poly. More like Sembawang Park. We continued walking when the rain was less and took the bus. Afterwards, once there, we went to the playground (little kids sia) and got on the swings. It was a sand-based playground, and the rain just ended. So wherever you step on the get on the swing was sand originally, but because of the rain it was an awfully deeper-than-my-ankles puddle. Equals to wetness. So very very wet. Then me and Haziq went by the ultra-pathetic beach. Went to toilet, washed our feet then walked somewhere and sat down for lights. We lastick-ed (or whatever the spelling) using stones, had fun! Then piggybacked halfway to bustop. IT WAS SO FUNNY. Haziq wanted to put me down nicely on a park bench but when he put me down he went down with me. = he sat on me HAHA omg it was so funny. We played with cats then headed to Sunplaza for dinner at mac's.

Me and haziq can officially stay in the same house. We're like hobos with nowhere to go doing stupid things laughing all day non stop like as if theres not a single worry to us. After dinner we headed to my place, took some stuff then went back out. Eventually after aimlessly wandering around we went to the field.

Yes, that traditional place i always bring people to at night. The bike race-track. i don't know why i like it there. It's just so spacious and the sky is like so free of buildings. Anyway the both of us decided to lie down and stare at the sky.

We were excited. Looking at stars. Which, were actually satellites.


headed home pretty early since it was just the two of us. but it waspretty okay, we both enjoyed our day laughing like mad assholes. haziq says i'm a secret energetic, usually i look normal but upon more observation i'm so loud and annoying and jumpy. Thanks for bearing with me for a day,son. I know im annoying.

All the best with _ (if youre still going out with her today) ! =)

im at work and im bored.

meeting apisz later ^^

look:
Hep Mutluluğun Doruğundayken Gülmektense, Bazen Sırf Hayata Gıcıklık Olsun Diye Gülümseyeceksin says:
hi
This day was once again destroyed
I want to love someone enough so that I love myself and I've never say I want to worship
Do you want to know someone like me
I like you darling, will you get

I AM SO CONFUSED SIA. WATCHA SAY?








YESTERDAY WAS AWESOME YET NOT SO AWESOME.

(random sia)
! am happy and high and in heaven. i hope he's all well where he is now. with a huge bunch of other guys.














_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ --insert name where appropiate

There is always someone for everyone. It's like everyone is born as a half, and the fellow soulmate makes up a whole when they unite. Sure, the jigsaw may not be perfect fit, but at least it fits. There is true love somewhere, and there is someone for everyone, really. Time will bring you to her, you will get a hand to hold, and a smile to wake up to everyday. Everyone does not deserve to be alone, no matter how bad they are. Because being alone leaves you so incomplete, nothing is served fruitful. You need friends. You need family. At a point of time, you'll need love.

See, everybody will find a girl. A girl who will love you and care and cherish you. I am not her. Someone will come, trust me, and do not be sad.

I wish you well.

when turkish and malay try to communicate -_-


Hep Mutluluğun Doruğundayken Gülmektense, Bazen Sırf Hayata Gıcıklık Olsun Diye Gülümseyeceksin says:
Why do you thank that
already a beautiful girl
How long are you my dear internet

Hep Mutluluğun Doruğundayken Gülmektense, Bazen Sırf Hayata Gıcıklık Olsun Diye Gülümseyeceksin just sent you a nudge.

RynnReochque says:
how long?

pictures are like the cover of a book. they represent the whol story. the whole memory.





end.




3rd update in 10 mins pls. i copied this from syq's at FB. haaaahaha. awesome right.

dont wanna wake up alone anymore.







this vid is so awesome.

had the reunion pit on 2nd jan. it was awesome! pics will be up soon. Haziq(my beloved son) came over to get some stuff (I HAD TO CARRY SO MANY), and then we took 912 to sahidah's to help her with the 8kg chicken. we started early, at around 2 we were already on our way there because our pit was so far from parkway. So half of us: Rey, Farhana, Zauwin, Afiq and Sahidah went off to ECP first by car, rey's sis driving (THANK GOD, WE HAD SO MANY THINGS), while the other not exactly half; haziq, me, nabil and herman, took the bus there and walked. WALKED. imagine, from macdonalds at east coast all the way to the sailing club place thing. lucky 3/4 way rey's sis fetched us. we planned to get bikes but it was too $$$. So anyway the four of us plus farhana sardined our way in the back of the car. Aint that cute.

We tried starting the pit but it was so windy we took like over an hour using deoderant and what nots. When we succeeded we cooked like damn bloody happily. Then some old mates Sharizal (gee.) and Hafiz and Shahiran came so we tried to entertain. Sadly so, i refused to do that job though i know i'm pretty good at it (chey), so i decided to be butter girl and butter anything possible.

Then as the day grew older we started with some games when the 6E people came down. Miss Erlin came with he son and husband, and we talked a bit, gave her some food... My and haziq went off far far away for winstons. after she left more came blahblah everyone was dying soon after all tired, but we had rules to whoever slept had to be charcoaled. I on the other hand, super dizzy, so got some paracetemol(panadol) from the 6E girl(forgot name) and tried to survive drowsiness.

Then at one Apisz came with his friends, they had some food then left. (NERVOUS SIA YKNOWYKNOW but then finally!) that point of time i was super sleepy dizzy blahblah so we went to the tent (MY TENT) to sleep. But we didnt, (stop the thinking) we talked while the others played some truth and dare. I managed a 40 minute sleep though. By morning the boys crammed into the tent and slept. All with awesome pretty faces.

Those that overnighted were very unexpected. Like herman and farhana, they planned to go home but stayed in the end. Thats just awesome pls.

Watched the sunrise (AS IF) and laughed over 'touch me'. It was good uh.

Many events happened while i was in the tent (BIKE 'ACCIDENT') and nudity and gay trannies kissing. But it was alright. I got to talk with apisz! worth more right right!

We headed to parkway for breakfast after afiq, huss nabs and shaqil left. had a struggle finding a place to eat, so went to kfc. a minah served them food, i ordered coffee. i'm gonna kill that orange-haired minah because she gave me COLD coffee. tell me how to swallow! the cup still can say extremely hot sia. im so mad.

after breakfast we went to bustop to say go home. Apisz had to take another bus, considering where he stayed, so said byebye ( *insert sad face) and took our bus to woodlands. Sat at the back, laughed madly with haziq while the other slept mouth-open. (HAHA) once at woodlands, we all seperated for our own buses. Haziq sent me home cus' i had a lot to carry. Thank you so much haziq you're an awesome son, mumma loves you!

Thanks to all for coming <3333 , and for thanks sooo much apisz<333 for mixing with 16-year-olds and our annoyingness. I hope i really didn't smell.