“All that I am, or hope to be”

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anyone up for a field-run with me? =p







Warning: Video may cause discomfort and is not suitable for minors.



i gagged.

talked with chico till about 3 something. i need. sleep.


ergh, eff glitzy romance.

ex-haus-ted!

we did it again! hahaha (by it, i don't mean anything dirty)
went to RP, AGAIN, met the normal few + Nurul&Nadja? idk, and SYQ if you're reading this, they're from your school =)

anyway we didn't stay out too late, all high and flying with the grasses *wink*. i was beat when i got home, so i slept, till now.

yesterday was prom night it was boring waste my make up! but then Karen gave me her tongue and i swear,

it is so addictive. there was this gushing excitement HAHA i sound so gay.

it was a very warm humid day. (what an ending)



at 1 am in the bloody morning i went down to meet matt.
yes, matt, we went to a nice windy mosquito infested field(i got bitten on the face -_-)
and we sat on the floor, we lied down, sang,wahh good days good days. laughed ALOT and i lost to a game! damn you Matt damn you.

anyway, its nice to see him after a year or idk how long of MIA-ing but still msn-ing. so there we sat, me all stiff, because i was wearing something on me, so my back was like at 90degree angles at all times. funny day!

got home around 5, then just died on the sofa, till now.

i got pretty pretty bags and my ulcer in the eye is reduced already. anyway, thanks matt for the hohos ^^

APISZ, GET WELL, GET WELL, FOR WHEN YOU'RE SICK I'M SICK TOO, LIKE, YKNOW.

hahaha.

I HAVE ANOTHER EYELID ULCER, AND IT IS THE SHITTIEST. ^^






Half the rangers, Haziq Rey and Sahidah came over today, mission was to make cookies. We made soft cookies, not the cripsy hard ones. Meanwhile we laughed our asses off over stupid silly things.




Hakim says:
im tired
bored?
g GON
RynnReochque says:
CANG
AHAHAHAH
Hakim says:
LOL

Beckoning the fall says:
ehh so how u & gf?
RynnReochque says:
liddat la!
Beckoning the fall says:
like what!
RynnReochque says:
ala same laa.
with girl also heartache guy also heartache.
typical kinda r.ship pinches.
Beckoning the fall says:
why sehy?
RynnReochque says:
i dont think she thinks its serious
Beckoning the fall says:
u guys had sex yet?
RynnReochque says:
FUCK HAHAHAH NOWAY!!!
lol
lol
lol
Beckoning the fall says:
HAHAHHAHAHAHAHA JK!
just that
ur two faces
look like ud commit to
errh lesbianisma
hahahehe
RynnReochque says:
ANYHOW ONLY.
crap lah zac!
Beckoning the fall says:
I-saac!
RynnReochque says:
i sacks falling (inside joke)
Isaac Dunman says:
f. =______="

and i could have you for life.



seriously, i don't wanna talk about how you totally crushed me. and like, sometimes i wanna say things, but then there really isn't a difference, said or not, cus in the end i know i'll be here.

and don't think i'm not referring to you, cus i know you read this.

man is work boring or what? there's completely nothing for me to do right now, so i'm just sitting down waiting for money to flow in. it's soooo boringgg.

okay yest met chico yan wan and zarrin. again.

im going out again today and monday and tuesday and wednesday(two objectives) and friday.
very tiring i swear. but i guess i like it.

ONLY, NO MORE DRINKS. =)



i wanna be alone. i wanna be trapped in warm silence, sweetly deafening, beautifully dark. i wanna be gone. away. i wanna swim in self pity and drag and drag and brood and sulk like i always do. but who cares. who cares what i want or need or am dying for. but as always, the blame for everything wrong goes back to one person.

oh who else. zimmy! because if we were still together i wouldnt do all this. i'll be out there eye to eye with him and laughing. maybe he did cheat after all. though i kinda doubt. anyway if he hadnt left me i wouldn't be this. and maybe then i'd still believe in love. then maybe i'll be able to understand. then maybe i'd have a dream and an ambition. then maybe i wouldn't be here now.

but hey, time to wake up aye. all this dont exist. not to me.

not anymore.

RynnReochque says:
errr ok whtvr that is
hahaha im a stranger to bk
syaztwo. says:
baby, i've decided
i'm too fucking hungry that i'm gonna brave the rain and get that burger
like, right now
hahah
RynnReochque says:
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA
syaztwo. says:
so i'll be back shortly
RynnReochque says:
hahaha
syaztwo. says:
see you
RynnReochque says:
okay
syaztwo. says:
muacks
RynnReochque says:
take care in th rain
lovess
syaztwo. says:
i will
lovess

i couldn't sleep.


Amanda: hi rynn. me and my friends having flea market at homeclub this coming saturday from 11am till 9pm. do bring alllllllllll your gfs along ok! prices from $5 onwards! brand from f21 and topshop available. do come by please. thanks!

girls, head there tomorrow aites!

"Go green rather than drink and get wasted"- Apisz





you know i love you, truly like a girlfriend of my very own, cept i'm not a boy and we're not lesbian. see you for ice cream hunney, i love you i love you.


orange ranger! PLEASE meet up soon so we can celebrate! truly hope you'd have a good time during your birthday, like you usually do! Miss you loads, much lovess!

FROZEN BY THE SUN

dedicated to..__________________

me: she looks like a tranny.
brother: of course.
me: what?
brother: so does every other boy in the world, to you.
me: HAHA.
brother: really man. set your eyes on a real man please.
me: real men don't exist.
brother: -_-
me: AHAHAHAHA.

to z:

How can you fall from a
wound like that dear?
Don't mind, it's a common reaction
And you tell me everything is alright,
you don't mind
How can you feel when
you're wounded like that dear?
Don't mind, it's a common reaction
And you tell me everything is alright
And you don't mind
Waste my time

i. will. not. drink. anymore.



enough's enough, HEAR THAT PEOPLE?



and farel, if you host another booze party, count me out, sorry. i can't take too much, it's just making me crumble.



i'm peeling the dried skin from the edges of my fingernails, i'm biting my fingers and scraping my tongue. my brain feels like it's gonna explode, and i have an ulcer down my throat.



gosh i feel so retarded.

"The goals you set today may be loftier than your abilities. It's not that you lack what it takes; it's just that you are tired of being the voice of reason and you're ready to reach for the stars. Just keep in mind that overstepping your bounds now can lead to unnecessary disappointment. It's better in the long run to be as realistic as possible than to set yourself up for failure."

IS THIS TRUE OR WHAT.

rynn, are you,

SICK OF LOVE

OR LOVESICK?
love doesn't exist. but we keep believing.

sometimes i try to be there for friends but they dont want me around when i disappear they tell me i've forgotten them when im near they ignore me when im gone they look for me when i call they wont answer me and if i do the same i get a frozen shoulder i think i tried too hard to be nice sometimes i feel like exploding sometimes the drinks and the smoky air dont help sometimes i want to scream but nobody will listen they all only like me when i'm up and high and happy they push me aside when i'm crying when i needed someone they're never there when they have problems the same time as i do im willing to listen but they never ask about me they never know the reason behind everything i do they only know its wrong and i shouldnt be doing it they dont know why dont know why dont know why

AND THE WORST PART IS?

hope, love, and life's just bullshit.


sometimes, the perfect phrase for everything is the happily simple "fuck it."



you think i'd leave your side baby
you know me better than that
you think i'd leave you down
when you're down on your knees
i wouldn't do that

i'd tell you youre right when you want
and if only you could see into me

when you're cold,
i'll be there, hold you tight to me

baby when you're on the outside
and you can't get in
i will show you
you're so much better than you know
when you're lost
and you're alone
you can't get back again
i will find you
darling i will bring you home

and if you want to cry
i am here to dry your eyes
and in no time
you'll be fine

when you're cold
i'll be there
hold you tight to me
when you're low
i'll be there
by your side baby

the reason for all this?
DEE.
OR
NURMARDEANA AKMIRLA

CUS, i was on video call with her,
we both just woke up, i played her a song, she said she's cover me for not coming to work forever if i recorded it and put it up. so here i am.
but then, it's horrible, so dee kinda wins. well, at least i've got my back covered.
oh anyway. don't die listening. and the pictures are random because i just can't be bothered. (p.s.; sleepy voice.)

(CLOSED)

mehh i'm tired and hungover. still. worst in fact, after real bad service. gosh. im so mean.
anyway some pics from yest. featuring weed-out faces and uglified me.

baby.



i look so very unwilling here.



fa's blog

put your itunes on shuffle, write name/artist and then what the song reminds you of.

1)Killing Me Softly - Alicia Keys

I don't know, this song reminds of strong vocals and Farel cus' he knows the piano notes for this song. Also reminds me of when i first started singing back in 2005 and my voice was in ruins.

2)Golly Sandra- Eisley

Upbeat, reminds me of a picnic on a very bright day with Dee and friends. Song lyrics also makes me think of my mumma, saying things to me, only i'm not Sandra.

3)Death to Birth - Michael Pitts

Depressing song. The ultimate song when you're down and want to go deeper in. Reminds me of the time when i just broke up with Zimmy, going "my eyes finally wide open up, my eyes finally wide open shut".

4)Tenessee - The Wreckers (MICHELLE BRANCH!!!)

Faz. I sent him this song and afterwards he kept telling me how much he liked it. Keeps me in mind of the wonderful holidays in NZ and the happily lonely moments. Reminds me of sweeping waves and starry skies.

5)Snuff- Slipknot

ASRIZAAAAAL cus he sent me this song. This song goes back to year 2008 June and 2009 March when i didn't really talk to Fa and Pau cus of a fight i dont know what about. Oh yeah, about them not spending enough time with me. Man, thank god that's over.

6)Without You - Mariah Carey

The song i perspired to whilst singing. And the song i kept singing ever since 16June09.

7)I'm not Your Boyfriend Baby - 30h!3

Loved the song once, tried to make a vid of it once while fooling around with the Ninies(GOSH IMY GUYS) haha wth.

8)Sex and Drugs - Hypercrush

EEE mat/minah. =)

9)Hot Chick - Uffie

Icky sticky bitches and slutty whores and fucked up bastard men who only have sex on their mind eyeing some whore on the dancefloor dancing like she don't know how to.

10)Straight Hate- We Came With Broken Teeth

OMG deafening song. Reminds me of the good ol' gig days! Haha and the moshpit will be so full and messy and everyone sweating and doing some dance which i forgot the name(2steps, windmills).Punching the air and jumping and what nots. Some girl who fell on the floor and got trampled over. somebody floating over the crowds. haha

11)Hotel California-Eagles

LOL reminds me of car journeys worth 8 hours to the end of Malaysia, those one-lane roads, the sunny, humid air, crashing waves over at Pahang via Mersing, windy cleanliness, the homesick-yet-excited feeling. Also reminds me of Fasha. She loved this song and learnt it on the guitar till her fingers peeled.

12)Get What You Want- Operator Please

Reminds me of Fa and Pau cus we used to sing this like idiots.

13)Prada Armada- Iamerror

So far one of the coolest songs heard that totally has no meaning.

14)Lucky- Jason Mraz& Colbie Caillat

HAHA a song me and zim sang when we walked everywhere and tried singing with guitar but failed miserably. and really, he's not my best friend, and i was dead unlucky.

15)Friday Night- Lilly Allen

Reminds me of the nights whenever some friend hosts a party at his/her place with tons of booze and people having sex (not me) in every room possible, the spilt ketchup on the carpets. "Another drink and im ready for action".

16)Don't Cry Out - Shiny Toy Guns

=( THE FEMALE VOX LEFT THE BAND. BOOO! Reminds me how good bands can have issues.

17)I Like To Fuck - Hot Rod ft Tila Tequila

Mehh. Reminds me, again of some guy wanting to fuck any other girl on the street.

18)Fallin' Apart- Tesla

Good song. Reminds me of days when nothing is right. Moodless, boring, irritating days. Especially the day where once i was doing something nice for nothing and got cornered and practically killed. person knows.

19)It's Raining Outside- Soko

Love. Which is bullshit to me now. Super sweet song, one you'd sing to someone you love, when you're sad or disappointed with said person. If you have one.(which i dont)

20)I Will Always Love You- Connie Talbot

She sang the cover! A bloody cute girl. Song reminds me of everyone i hold dear and the words i plan to say to leave politely. And anyone out there who deserves this.

" If i should stay, i would only be in your way. So i'll go, but i know, i'll think of you, every step of the way..
And i wish you joy, and happiness. But above all this, i wish you love.
And i will always love you.."




sometimes the idea of a twisted rope isnt too bad.

HAHAHAHAHAH I JUST FEEL ITS JUST SO FUNNY.

me: what does your shit look like?
syazwan hunney:i dunno how to explain. its black in the shape of a tortoise.

POOR TORTOISES. YOU ARE A SIMILAR SAMPLE OF SYAZWAN'S SHIT
HAAHAHAH

You know when you're all drunk, and you are halfway to sobreity, and you're full of guilt but empty otherwise?

times like this call for reminisence.

which of course, hurt likes mad, but hey, all in good time.

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picked me up at 7.20, got to henderson wave, met up with dee issac and martyn, them got drunk, farel couldnt drive, dee knocked out, issac and farel started fighting over who knows what language they used, martyn kept laughing, i was afraid, i left by cab. i left them.

i left them.

couldnt stay and watch. im home, in bed, dying, hyperventilating-ish and in need of a good puke.
oh somebody help


heart ache.

where's everybody?

Happy 16th Birthday Herman
(green ranger)

Chico, Daiyan & Zarrin came over after school today. I SWEAR IT WAS HILARIOUS.

here's ol' "shy" chico, with very happy indeed Yan.



you're like life.
and then the alcohol kicks in, and i forget about you, momentarily distracted, by the alcohol.
but when sobreity kicks in and the alcohol's effects has ran out, it's like im shaken awake.
and then i realise you're no longer around. like grasping for something dear in pitch black darkness. nothing comes to your grip but you keep trying because you loved it so much.
even if it has been, 5 months of grasping.

I can't say i didn't try. Metaphorically, i've been like drinking and drinking and drinking and getting drunk, but i keep waking up and remembering you, and feel the loss, so i try drinking again but it hurts so much. (metaphorically. i dont drink like this. alcohol= "replacements")

Noone can possibly replace you. They're just temporary, when i realise they're not you, it hurts soooo much. Where did you go, where did you go?

I miss mondays. You'd skip school, and i'd rush to AMK mrt to meet you, and then we'd ride home, you'd wait for me to change, and then we'd go somewhere. I remember the field, we held hands and spun round and round and round and didn't give a toss about anything else. Nothing mattered because we had each other. And at that same field, where you cried because i said i wanted to leave you. And, i remember once when i was too tired to walk, and you said you'd fly me there, and you actually flapped your hands, looking like you really are trying to fly.

I remember the first night we met. It was love at first sight, for both of us.

What happened. All the time spent, all the problems overcame, all the solutions and the hugs and the movies and the long talks and the kisses and the eye-to-eye-connection and the laughter and the gifts and the beaches and the smiles and the hands and the promises and the tears and the love.

and the love.
end the love.

i miss you.
Oh nothing can replace, just nothing.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY NUR DINAH FARHANAH!

FINALLY 18! can get beers and cigarettes and drive and ride uh!
haha. =) hope it'll be wonderful, Dinah, being LEGAL now.

\\\ 11 november.

From the very first picture, when she was a mere 3 month old kitten, small, perfect fit for her pillow, a year ago dated 18 november 2008;