“All that I am, or hope to be”

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I was high on a 40degrees fever last night.
Thought of fasting today. Didnt cuz in the morning[sahur] i couldnt even breathe.
COULDNT EVEN BREATHE IMAGINE THAT.
For four days straight i couldnt eat without throwing up,
i couldnt sleep without pills,
i couldnt even walk properly. Imagine me as drunk.

So this morning i woke up SOOOO DAMN HAPPY. Firstly cus fifi was coming!
AND i felt waaaay better! I felt so replenished. Tomorrow im going to school already.
Isnt that just great. Oh gosh.

And then comes saturday. =)

damn i miss my fifi,
my schmates,
my laughter,
their laughter, town,
gigs and everything else.

just u everything wait till exams over. i'll be wilder than an animal.
rawr. =_=

secrets better left unspoken,
dreams are slowly put to bed,
rumors sirred and reawoken

Im going to be absent for two days. As in till tmorow. And if i dont get well i will have to go for a blood test. Im suspected to have dengue. OMG. Thats so scary okay. My temperaure when i went to the doctor last night was 39.7. I was practically shaking.

Yesterday in school i bet nobody really believe i was sick. WELL look now, its so severe... Now u people see. Sheesh. Tmorow fifi will be coming over to take care of me. WOW RIGHT! Hes so sweet okay.

If i am well i will be meeting up with ikhwan on friday. I HOPE i would be well enough.

ahh.
[if i try to get away, how long until im feee, and if i dont come back here...]
will you remember me?


"Here we go, one last time. Tear me apart, leaving me empty inside. A cold long night, a forced goodbye. You stole my hope, and left me to die. Chasing shadows of the dreams you kept inside. Some day I'll finally break free, from everything and everyone. I hope you're there to see that I don't need you or your sympathy. Fuck your, simplistic bliss, behind your beauty, hid selfishness. So spare me, the pretty smiles, it's not worth, worth my while."

Hello! =)
A lot of fifi activities has taken over me? And not to say ive been catching up with Shamin, Remee and Farihin. Kinda close.

Today's the first fasting day, but i didnt fast because i had MENSES. See how forward and straight i am..

Otherwise, without their companies, you wont know just how incredibly alone i am... I mean, ever since i broke up with... well... things changed a lot... and the bands... everything... broke... matters afloat like molecules, actively looking for a rest in its hyperactivity, knowing well nothing.

Today i didnt really go anywhere. But thanks to fifi for the company physicallymentally =)

AHHHHH IM SO TIRED. Tomorrow got P.E.! running fasting running fasting.
now that would drain the energy and make me less stress right! RIGHT SHAMIN? WE'LL PANT AND PANT AND WHEEZE AND DROP DEAD AND BE HAPPY THAT WE DROPPED DEAD.

=_= better tell farihin things and msg remee and dun let me get started with fifi.<3

yesterday went out again. things happened.
fifi managed to hold my hand and sneak pecks here and there. it was quite an okayable day. but i was 30mins late for home. so yeah im dead. simply dead.

till now im dead.
been dreaming i was dead anyway. though the good time i shall cherish.

thursday was a day spent with siq and siq only? lol. it was funny. tiring. and i dun know what else to say about that day.
we went old mental hospital. walked there. it was sooo far away lah!
and we camwhored like crazy!

the place was scary here and there, bats and mosquitoes roamed everywhere...
BUT IT WAS SO GEREK!

wahlao. i wanna go again. monday here i come.


"Dies irae, dies illa
Lacrymosa qua resurget ex favilla
Quantus tremor est futurus
Iudicantus, homo reus ergo parce"

Everyday its hot in one part and cold in the other. This weather, UNOTLERABLE!
I feel like sometimes the soil is so soggy and drippy i might just seep and sink into it and appear on the other side of the world.

And sometimes its so hot i feel lie my hair is burning.

Oh talk about burning. I burnt my whole self in the toilet. THE HEATER WAS ON AND I DIDNT KNOW. Pathetic lah. Taik.

Im so bored lah. Fifi said he might be coming over but i bet he's still
sleeping snoring away like heaven is right in his dreams.

Ohman im so bored. SO EFFING BORED.
i shud reeeeli hit the piles of homework but i think one piece of paper
is way too heavy for my brain to handle. lol. im dumb~

ohwell lets hope news of happiness arrives as soon as i say EH.

Yesterday went out for kimmie's bday.
happy bdae kimmie!

i didnt get him anything though.
anyways.

after that met siq, and den headed to taka to meet my fifi and agus and fred and afi and afi bro and momok and all the others.
=p
shy lah. was in a dress lah sey.

and den we went to fareast and waited for dear remee.
CAME ALL THE WAY just because we were there.
OHMG. i salute him lah.

den sat at the outside kfc and talked and talked and laughed and laughed.
simple, but i enjoyed it.
it may be just a waste of time, but it builds social bonds...
and earns friends.

theres always a reason for something, you know?
and sometimes i feel like theres a reason why im updating this post..

ala i dun care la.

"dude, skip selfishity and think carefully why others are selfish towards u"

ive never felt this way before..

yesterday went out with my date, WEE and friends.
had a good time until, well someone showed up.

and urgh. the mats... cbness.feelings

the pain is getting strong, it's getting stronger than me.
i threw it all away when i lied to you.
i cant bring you back.
so distant you've become, its haunting me.

and ive done wrong, but could you forgive me?

oh oh yeahs.
RIGHT NOW EVERYTHING IS MAKING PERFECT SENSE ALREADY.