“All that I am, or hope to be”

June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 December 2010 January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 April 2011 May 2011 June 2011 July 2011 August 2011 September 2011 October 2011 November 2011 December 2011 January 2012 February 2012 March 2012 April 2012 May 2012 June 2012 July 2012 August 2012 September 2012 October 2012 November 2012 December 2012 January 2013 February 2013 April 2013 May 2013 November 2013 December 2013 February 2014 May 2014 June 2014

I think i slept through the whole movie. I dont know a single happenings.

Tired of thinking.

Sighs. I wish someone was here.

Someone i loved behind everybodys back.
some might suspect
some might know
but important people...
they dont have a clue.

Somtimes i myself wonder how i feel.
Dont try to understand me, you never will no matter how i tell it. Screw it man. Im me you're you. Who knows what everyone went through. Who knows what everyone thought. Maybe i just dont get the point.

But hell, THERE IS NO POINT.

I guess im afraid to tell you whats going on in my life truthfully, because i hate being called some sort of bad name or something like that. Im afraid to get hurt, just a little bit hurt even. Maybe a little pinch DOES seem like a tight slap, maybe a little word DOES seem like a bad sentence. Sighs.

I'm trying so hard to make myself believe that i am strong somehow but yet im still as weak as ever inside. Like for example, i was so down just now... I hid it and asked a friend to call me to make me laugh. Now isnt that a weird way of bottling shits.

So turn the corners of my lips, and i'll smile like everything is PERFECT, like i dont care, LIKE I SHOULD EVER? Argh. I dont know how to handle myself. Sometimes i want to be as selfish but i pity people...things.. fast.

And maybe i AM depending on hate to erase the past, and holding on to my phone still waiting for a reply even though i know it would be the end of the world if an answer drop by.

But till then, i'll listen to my own lyrics, swinging through and fro telling me to keep my bigmouth SHUT.

Time to start afresh and tear apart the disaster page. I have to admit i did not blog for a long time ever since the occurance of some problems between some people but hey, time heals all wounds. So yeah for now i feel very much better than before. I dont give a fuck to much things, trying hard to be selfish a little, so that i get what i sometimes deserve. Though things cant always go the way i'd like it to, there's always another option.

THERE'S ALWAYS ANOTHER OPTION.

And sometimes ignorance is a bliss, sometimes it helps to just rest alone and think, sometimes it helps to just be invisible. Sometimes. Not all the time. But worry not about that. I've found people for myself. Well, however, i kind of pushed aside some of my friends. I instead chose my schoolmates. WHY?

Because they feel what i do. They are going through what i am going through. They learn what i learn, they see almost what i see. Their restrictions and dsicipline is alike to mine. They have limits, like i do now. But the best of all, they understand.

SO. Abandon the rest?
Oh nonono. Never. Once a friend, always one, always cherished and remembered. I may forget who i am once in a while but hey, i'll get back on track as fast as i can. I wont forget you guys out there, who is always there for me, there to console me, help me. I have to be universal now right? If you're my ONLY friends, i'll be very lonely when you're not around. So yeah.

You know, sometimes there's just this little voice in me squeeking away telling me to be a good girl and listen to what im told to do and things like that. Well.
Hello angel, my ears are set on.
And now it's telling me to go watch the TV.

and ooh yeah.
INEEDKIMMIE