“All that I am, or hope to be”

June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 December 2010 January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 April 2011 May 2011 June 2011 July 2011 August 2011 September 2011 October 2011 November 2011 December 2011 January 2012 February 2012 March 2012 April 2012 May 2012 June 2012 July 2012 August 2012 September 2012 October 2012 November 2012 December 2012 January 2013 February 2013 April 2013 May 2013 November 2013 December 2013 February 2014 May 2014 June 2014

uhhh. ok.
tmoro would be another figgin day.
ANOTHER DAY OF DESPAIR.

*stands by armor*

OH WHEN WILL THIS EVER ENDDDDDDD.

I NEED MY FRIENDS.
I NEED MY TRUE FRIENDS.
whod' stab me in the front yeah alex?

but i dont have any.
=(((((((

HELLO FUCKED UP DAY!

Whoah. Ok this is it. I cant keep anything anymore.
Its like, fuck, of course i hate being alone,
but fuck ah, do i have a fucking fucked up choice?
No.

WHY
?Oh because im fucking fucked up with the
fucking fucked uppers.
SHEESH.

"Whats wrong with u sial!"
OH WHATS WRONG WITH ME.
EVERYTHING!
HAPPY!?

LAUGH WHEN I DIE, OKAY!

LIKE ALEX SAID;
FAKE FRIENDS STAB U IN THE BACK,
TRUE FRIENDS STAB U IN THE FRONT.

i want biman my bestie back.

Happy Birthday To Asrizal, AND Mandy.
tmorows school.


FUCK FUCK
I HATE THAT PLACE.

Hello you!
[and with this gift, i compose words]

Its been longg since i updated.
WELL.

Here it is. Yesterday after school straight away went home, changed, and to vivo!
To meet alexdevanselinaasrizalsuhaimi. They gerek! I got up with my lesbo partner.
Lols.

Well we drank ah, but it was like nothing.
Alex ah, got drugged thanks to cough syrup.

The drinks, well, we couldnt get it from 7/11 so we had to walk alll the way to cheers at harborfront from vivo.
Ok ah seems near to u, but with alex drugged walking like snails in a teapot, ergggg.

School's nowadays very boring, as boring as can be,
especially when u spend recess time talking to an excercise book, or writing in it.
Like crazy right?

Those FUCKING schoolmates who should know who they are
dont know how i feel and how my grudges accumilate by the second.
They say stuffs to me like i have no feelings. Really they do.
Especially the malay ones. They dont know what theyre doing.
Fucked up im not emo, i wont cry cuz of them.
In fact i feel like killing them. Disturb me AJE. Violent lah sey!
But whatever. They are boring anyway. I dont care lah.

I dont care i dont care i dont care.
Lolslols.


Yesterday at night went to check my throat.
VERY BAD. ohhhh SHIT.

RED AH> SUCKSTOTHECORE.

Well. umm. I gotta go talk to my friend the lame book.
Poor thing ryte? hahahaa.

to keep tight lips.
=X

Im foolish i know.
DONT remind me;

This holiday had been meaningful.
Or prolly just a few days of it or whatever.
Though pressured someway, smiles are always burried under.
I learned a lot of things.
And to hell with those peopel at school.
Those freaks.
TO HELL WITH YOU AND ALL YOUR FRIENDS.

I just hope the new ones would be reliable enough,
caring enough, and so far so good yeah.

My heart aching.
My hands aching.
That guy...

WHY WHY WHY.


i bet you laugh at the thought of me thinking for myself;
i bet you believe that im better of with you than someone else.

was almost the best day i had.

was almost the best gig i had, even though its boring.
I made a friend.

And, lols, i just love them.

oh now i miss them so fucking alot.
MISS MISS MISS.
i didnt say bye to alex devan and gabby.
ahhh.
Miss3.

dammit.
You taught my heart, a sense I never knew I had.



Woke up surprised, i was late yet again.
Though school's out, i considered waking up late, late.

Was blinded, so i felt around for my phone then
headed to comp.

After that, met farhan[mslsec] who lives soooo near.
109. Dats just near. So i went over, met his mom,
put in the songs i wanted into my hp, and then sat
outside with his acoustic guitar. And i noticed he's cute.
And a good friend. Though i hate people staring at my
left hand. They look awwed and amazed. Like they saw
a magic trick up on my wrist. Its irritating.

Then, went off to meet sasa, damn i missed him.
Spent some time together, until he went off.

Then i went home.
And yeah. Alex told me to comment his pic if i loved him.
LOLS.
So i did.

Haaa~ Lucky bitch ah he. I was bored in the first place.
Im lazy to put details here.
If so whatever, refer to my looseleaf.

It means my diary.

FUCK,

the haters, the assholes, the people who hurt,
the shits who lie on purpose, stab on purpose,
drown in greed, create extra attention, commotioners,
the anti-whatever-ers, the whiners, the losers, the unthinkers,
the lamers, the boasters, the uncherishing and the

DEPERATES.

alot of sasa hanging on the walls.

damn life's good.
=)

on sunday, it was a great day.
well.
yeah.

we arrived early, lols, and had to wait a long time for everyone to actually reach there, then we walked off as one to gashaus, lols.

We only got in at around, 5,5.30.
Dammit, wste my precious time.

Hmmm, and, the gig was ok, moshpit was wild, alot of people came,
good band performances, and blablabla.
and oh yea, my sasa bodysurfed. TWICE!
lucky bitch.

When it was around 7 or 8 we were tired, thanks to moshing,
so we rested. On the sofa.
Still can sleep2.

Then we sat outside, crumbling there...

And before that i saw arsyad. and hazri.
one word.
lol.

after sitting outside they wanted to eat.
reache dthe place, i gottago.

so i left.
and sa passed me this super sweet gift.
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarh.
=)

now alot of things are hanging onmy walls.



man i feel new.
and happier =)

i got over him.
and for now.

i dont want to be with anybody related with farhan.
hurts when they talk abt him.
its disturbing hearing abt his.... ***ness.

and um, had a gd day,
tanx to dear keemee.

***=ego

sighssighs.
keemee.
damn.its getting different.
im scared to hate, to be hated, to love.
but not to be loved.

and now i feel abit messy.
i fucking hate farhan.
here i stated the name cuz
its good to let out things, said the theraphist.

THERAPHY. gosh why am i even it? its depressing to just know that word exist in my life. DAMN. and yes, damn. its habit for me to say dat. forcing my mouth to stop, but hell cant.

on friday,
well,
after school went to meet keemee.
we were blurr, both of us. we didnt see each other until right outside the toilet.
i was entering, he was exit-ing. DAMN it was funny.

so, then, went home to change. then went CP.
lols. cute sia he.

then we had some precious time at some precious place.
damn it was nice to actually have a replacement for keemie.
with keemee. he talked. i listened.

i talked. he listened. he knows alot more now. really alot.
all those tragic stories nobody actually heard of.
all those things i managed to scratch off my heart.
those bastards.... those heartbreaks.

now finally someone feels for me, for real,
and not for himself. in return, i do not ignore him,
and i understand him too. lucky me, to finally
reach that statement of pure versatility in heart, mind, and soul.
chey.

sounding theriphic.

i told her abt this, and she was happy, really.
she said she was glad.

and saturday, an hr or so ago,
was okay. boring at first,
then went out with fam.
and ooh yeah the night air at the beach was refreshing.
i played with sand like a little lost poor thing.

haha.

dammit. tell me i dont love you, and i'll smack ur ass for lying.

i hate her for admitting shes my best fren,
and ignoring me,
and ignoring me,
and when i say my frends ignore me here,
she'll taunt and tease me abt dat,
but the truth is,

SHES THAT FREND.
and now dat shes gone her beautifuck better cleverer more into studies friends,
fine, i have my blades, i have my cigs and i have my life.

and i know she'll happen to read dis.
bitch ahh. she doesnt realise man.
dammit i dun think she'll even care.

so, i spoke to kahjie and clara abt this scenario,
not saying her name,
sure enuf, they guessed.

they said its obvious.
because they saw me loning around.
and that person ignoring me.

erghhh.
YA WAD.
go to ur frends la.
dun weri i have mine
=)
sheesh.