“All that I am, or hope to be”

June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 December 2010 January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 April 2011 May 2011 June 2011 July 2011 August 2011 September 2011 October 2011 November 2011 December 2011 January 2012 February 2012 March 2012 April 2012 May 2012 June 2012 July 2012 August 2012 September 2012 October 2012 November 2012 December 2012 January 2013 February 2013 April 2013 May 2013 November 2013 December 2013 February 2014 May 2014 June 2014

i get sick; i dont attend school, i miss out,
slackened, get scoldings, get pulled to counselor,
get bombarded by alot alot of work,
get stressed resulting in getting sick,
and the round repeats.

i hate my life.
someone end it for me.
sheesh.

been going thru surmounting pressure lately.
not to exaggerate, but almost everything is just flowing
like rain from drain to drain and finally gets lost
into the disposal area; the sea.

and then here i am scattering everything
in rage to look for my lost objects; my lost hard work; my lost friends and my lost love. and yet after dodging thru every wave and obstacle i've not yet came to what i'm here for. i've been lost, and i always will be. my schoolmates are treating me like bitchfuck. addressing to my batch people. express batch. they leave me staggering, drfiting to wherever they go, like a dog following its owner. i dont deserve this. but thank you for some, and for most seniors, for giving the attention i never could've asked for.

scuttling through time i hardly have any fucking time for my own, ive been soo busy lately i think i forgot who i really am. i completely lost it, and im trying hard to get back on track. i need support, i need cheers and laughter and joy and someone being there whenever i needed them.
of course there are friends, deep-love-and-care for me, but somehow they have their own love life, own relationship problems and stuff like that. i cant be so dependant, and i need someone of my own too.

i dont want a guy who'd drag me to bed, i want someone who i can sit and talk to while watching the sun rise and set. someone i can waste time with. someone who'd help me get straight, someone who i can ask help for for school and home work and problems. someone who i can respect, who can respect me, who listens and talks, who is un-rude and sound, wise and reasonable. i'll wait till i give up, and soon u'll all realise someone new has arrived, left, and i get all pulled down again.

and about studies, i'm at the downs, i guess i really dont have time for much things. im so tired these few days. but i guess life's all about straightening up time, blues and yellows and management. and before i end anything, i guess i'll just have one more stick.
=p

back from the gig.

OH SOOO TIRED.
and and and i met fred
=)

went there with dinah and alif.
and den go gashaus.
stayed outside.
met like 2 frend ONLY.
den the xcore ppl come.
with farhan and mandy!
ew.

and den went in, blablabla, went out.
with fred go kedai.
and then and then.
=))

and went back, sat outside.
haha, got ba bite on my left arm and BOY IT HURTS.

it tore my jacket!
thanks to this guy i forgot his name.
too manyla.
shaz wore pink.0_0
haha lah he.

and met andrew, and maman! like ive never met someone i finally did.
hahas.
and den like dat like dat
made frends, blablabla.

got scolded for reaching hm at 9 instead of 7!
HAHA.
ok l;a tiredla.

i loveula.
and muacks to dinah.
love her LOADS.

maybe its because...
but maybe not too.
sighs.

i want my sunshine!
and i cried bcos of... him... again.

wtf seh why did i recall him all of a sudden.
hes so sickening. so heartbreaking.

i smoked too much today.
farhanah darling im sorry.
thanks erin,sharul,radin,kamarul,hakim,zaki and and and hakimsec5.
and im sorry i smoked so much.
thanks u ppl for helping me straighten up abit.
u guys; i didnt expect u guys to be so caring.
haaas. <3

sighs.
i feel so emptified.
i want what i want.
but i cant it.
cant get him.

....truth is
never will.
he told me himself.
i wont.
ABSORB THIS RYNN U BITCHFUCK U WONT



louis and his brother[sortof] came!
and ahhhhh hes SOOOO effing hot uh.
*giler2*
haha. kidding lah. and he can play the guitar quite well.
ahh. can say he cn play any instruments uh.
like my house got this dumb shakey2 thing.
he can play dat! omgahh~
cool lah he. and his bro's cute uh, so pendiam.
or is he just shy. lols. had a good day.

BUT FUCK.
i cant access the internet hwk. oh to hell with dat.
ummm, im tired.
wanna sleep. bye blog.
i love u.

so again today no school.
good lah good.
bro<3 came.

well, one of em lah.
errr. so i miss u.
so u dont care. u dont have feelings.
ala later i update la kay?

got one guitarist here behind me.
effing hot.
lols


yesterday nagged my mum for a levi's pair of jeans.
so in the end i lost like 50bucks. oh kechingkeching.

so school sucks. like very suckish.
until im so sucked up by it, I SUCK.
got warnings for alot of stuffs,
contact lense, skirt, showm hair.
uhhhh.

and anyway today schedule;
gonna sleeeeep until someone asks me out.

and life's changed ever since... so long ago...
alot has differed and shifted around.
im not the old me anymore.
and as i go through dodging all these obstacles
ive finally found the true meaning of what
its all about.

and overall, i find myself growing happier.
i hope this isnt just an illusion.
ohwells.

okay till then. muacks.


ALONE AGAIN! oh at lastnessnism.
though i know this wouldnt last, and though i know im so lonely i can die,
i have friends and i shall always know that MORE.
loves, to all those.

cuz my x timer-ed, so the oppurtinity to break free came, oh what else.
BANG.
im not sad.
just disappointed it didnt last and stuff like dat.
shouldve knwn. he was so obvious.

well life, or rather school, is so tiring i almost died halfway.
one more tiring day to come and go.

oh choking on frust and crappiness.
im coughing like a mad coughing me.

AHHHHH. I NEED MY BED.

.....and i still remember his look.
so decieving. dat stare.
so killing.
ergh