“All that I am, or hope to be”

June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 December 2010 January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 April 2011 May 2011 June 2011 July 2011 August 2011 September 2011 October 2011 November 2011 December 2011 January 2012 February 2012 March 2012 April 2012 May 2012 June 2012 July 2012 August 2012 September 2012 October 2012 November 2012 December 2012 January 2013 February 2013 April 2013 May 2013 November 2013 December 2013 February 2014 May 2014 June 2014

i miss you, oh yea i do. this year's raye...

OH SO SAD. prolly the saddest.

as u know my mum side is so broken.
so we didnt meet up.
so sad.
and when we did go to mum's side,
when all the guests are gone
just the grandparents and aunt and uncle and one little one
who lives in dat house,
MAN THEY CRIED LIKE HELL.

its so sad.
this yr raye. boring. but the boringness.
is just sad. so sad.
SO SO SAD.

uhhhs. so i pretended i was okay.
i didnt cry at all today.
but hell deep down..
its so sad. [repeated phrase; lol]

and i'm gg to NZ next next next week.
there 4 just 1 week.
while d rest stay.
2 yrs.
gawd.

somebody pinch me i must be awake.




i dun wanna be
i dun ever wanna be the one
i dun ever wanna be someone to u
i dun ever wanna exist in ur world anymore
i dun ever wanna be. U. URS.

u wrap ur words around me. maybe its true. u wont know how i feel, ever, and u used me, and i know u're still trying... no way. somehow i want to go, but somehow i cant too. its all unfair isn't it. so unfair. but what am i to declare, what am i to be able to speak out. nobody really gave me the chance to spill everything; but i know nobody gets to spill everything too. trying to be non-self-centered. now all i cant think about is you. and to see someone embrace u...

oh whatever. fucking asshole.

trying to sweet talk around me does no difference. i dont melt that way. and i wont ever. im thinking too much about you. oh wait; sorry; i dont think, no brains remember?
the reason why im so naive, so gullible; THIS. THIS THIS THIS THIS.

ure just burning out too quickly. no i understand. now i see the picture.

NOW, ITS ALL

MAKING

PERFECT SENSE.

im so disguested.
disgusted. erghhhs. and yes im starting to hate that
little guy again. he's like,
haha, setan u noe?
those little things on ur left shoulder
telling u to do whats wrong.

oh wells. so tired to layan this kinda people.
lame arses.
like i mean, there's a certain limit.
to where u can invade into MY LIFE,
and of who u are to me.
and for that little devil,
he's like, nothing, dont mention even a friend,
hes still as lame as ever. and i doubt
he *grew*.in both ways.

hmmms.
i didnt go to school todae. farking lazy uhhs.
but badness shows its..badness. uhh.
i needed to pack stuff for NZ. gawsh.
i dun wanna leave u guys.
people like now the ex amksians
and shamin. and myra. and all the rest thats involved;
that actually make me happy.

my lifes great now. except for the packing parts.
uhuh. im occupied with friends and all these... THINGS.

"i knew it wasn't right but of course i tried to keep my heart inside of my chest but that fell through."
and oh yes. u are a killer.

todae, i kinda lamely brought my cammy to school.
so the resulst!!!
[like friends should. =)]

2 pics; farhana's cuteness.

the cute one and the freaky one.


the me and the shamin.


gosh todae was not that bad. with shamin, and dilah, myra and farhana!

but i wished u had just said something.
some thingS
bout yest.

PLS. wake me up before i cn never escape.
[man dat sounds funny+weird.]

=)

i ended up with my pri sch frends.
cuz roy cudnt make it.

OHWELLS.
hmmm.
what does a kiss mean?
does it stand for love;
or satisfaction?

im just so confused.
sombedy.
help.

urghs.


YOU. wont get too far for me.!!! WARGH. hahaa.
now, now its so easy to let you go. I SWEAR.
but first, I WANNA BURN U DOWN, SO BADLY.
and THE BEST THING IS.
u cant touch me, cuz u're a boy and i'm a girl.

cant seem to be mesmerised by the hell things
u say. this is yet one happy moment in my life.
yes, im happy u're gone. cheers.

i love i love to get this far, i'm gonna make things
better for me and worst for u. ok i'm not gonna do dat,
it'll come naturally i guess. well no hopes.

smile people.
oh and oohs. gonna meet royy-- today.
haha. sorry roy, if its like, spreading.
and yeah, my whole family, excluding me,
having diorhea. if dats how its spelled, haha.

im a murderer, i wanna kill u, i wanna kill u,

now, going out of almost everyone's life, is like, MY JOB.
and ooh yes. nice nice farhan've been waiting for me, lols



safe to say it's the end. but hell

no its not even the starting yet.

im haunted by this whisper,

and somehow u're my hero,

but my dear hero, i feel so used, because u saved me for a reason,

and u put me as a spare, i feel so extra-ed, wake me, please,

must be a beautiful nightmare....

[i dreamt of suhairi. he was related to me. and we met. and he gave me a kiss on the cheek -that meant goodbye.][and i also dreamt i died. lols.]

im so used. AGAIN.
uhhh. why are u so DUMB, rynn!


now its just like blood pumping into every part of me.
everything is so rushed. so mixed.
theres nowhere to move; im trapped
theres no directions to follow; im lost
cant believe what im going through
cant keep up to this pace.
somebody freeze and stop this war
fighting, crying, dying...
perspiring from the coldness, im shivering
like theres nothing left i can do
i know u wont get all the feelings.
all these colours... add up to make BLACK.
and there goes that piece of darkness.
that piece which left me blind.
....so blind.
and one little purity, at a corner.
which is definitely disappearing.




israfil; me; me n bro; me n bro.

dont say you love me if you dont.
i know u dont.
i know u love her.
i just know it.
im nothing to you.

sorry for being nothing.
sorry for not being gd enuff.
sorry for even caring about u.

u dont love me i know it.
dont say u love me if u dont.
u dont love me.
i know u dont love me.

U DONT LOVE ME
STOP SAYING YOU DO
STOP SAYING 'I LOVE U'.

dont say u love me
dont say u love me
U DONT LOVE ME
STOP SAYING U LOVE ME

STOP SAYING U LOVE ME!!!

i saw u choke while trying to say 'i love u' to me.


[pic of me and dinah. kissing her goodbye. (IM NOT EMO)]

yesterday dinah came over.
well, syq cudnt make it, so yeah, next time k gal.
errr. i fell asleep when she came over. haha.
bastard sia, luckily for just a lil while. we watched shutter halfway,
because my comp died. uhhm.

errr,
today, im sposed to turn up for the senior's last assembly,
but im not, because my temp
is 39.5,
and theres somebody i dont really like there.
dun wanna get SICKER.
=X

sorry seniors.

[sorry's a goodbye, i might be flying off, somewheres not home]

didnt last long really.

quite ok. hist and dnt sucks. core sucker.
tmoro maths.
maths.

MATHS!.

wah liao.
im gonna miss my beloved beloved seniors.
well, when they're gone.
out of sch but not life.

eh, my dad myte be getting a job in NZ, so if my mum insist we follow...
well yeah whatever.

sounds great, the place, near a lake, a mountain, few residents, cool, no HAZE, waterfall...
woosh. pretty gardens will little flowers, the tiniest ones under rocks, the redest of roses...
i wanna go there.
but i wanna stay too.

and i cant stay.
yet i cant leave.

oh well.


me n bro talib. and ariff and roy.

man im gonna miss my bro and ariff and roy.
haha. why do i talk so, robotic.
theyre the fun ppl i stick with in school.
sadly, due to being sec four they have to leave this year.
i hope to ite, n not dropouts.
nahh, they'll make it.
and im sure gonna miss them.

emo pics. -_-
haaa.
well, thats all for now.
for now.
and oh yes, im gonna miss my bro, and ariff and roy, NOT ME.
i mean im in one of the pics, LOL.

hmm.
recently.
been a bit cockup in the brain.
system down. HAH. exams exams.
i hate geog. i hate maths. i hate science.
no i dont hate those subjects,
i just hate being tested for them.

really.
im so lost in where i am ryte now.
haha. lame lah.
cant tell everything right.
well thats it then

bye. bloggie, sorry for neglection.

sighs. what a day. what a day. thank you dearly for your time. i'll be back soon, the real me. or at least i'll try. dont look at me that way. i wont ever ever be the same again. this is the end. i still love you. i swear. i always will. and i wont mess things up, really. go ahead. to bro talib, thank u too... i hope things get fixed up for u. and ariff. and justin. and. roy.


in deep thoughts.

i give up on u. sorry if i dont reply ur sms-es. because i give up on u.
what does dear, and darling, and love, stands for, when its something
just being said? interpreting wrongly, im so injustified.

the evil eye. poison smile.

im alright, im fine. but im not too. thanks to you.
now how to handle the fact, the truth, when all i have is an empty sheet of paper.

oh shucks.

fly fly goes my last chance.
i was at the edge, one grab and i'll have u all mine
and yet
the most STUPIDEST thing EVER happened.
whats that stupid thing?
NOTHING! NOTHING HAPPENED.

to some people named rynn,
wake up, and go brush ur teeth
so that the mint-thing would wake u up-per.

ERRR. MAN im lame.

bound-ed to all the spaces and empty times.
yet.

he's mine.
not.


Well, Mr. McQuinn has been away since Saturday in Nevada, on a trip with school. I've been receiving periodic updates via e-mail. This picture is of his friend Cauley and him in one of the hotels on the strip.

He hasn't won his fortune yet, I'm told, but has been sucking back the Mai Tais with great abandon. Ah, dear. What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas...

UPDATE: Apparently this is the two of them in front of the MGM Grand Lions. How foolish of me to have missed this! (Of course...not having been to Vegas myself...anyway, whatevs.)this is the two of them in front of the MGM Grand Lions. How foolish of me to have missed this! (Of course...not having been to Vegas myself...anyway, whatevs.)

it came.

n i rushed for it.
couldnt get it.
tried.
no.

cant get it.
no avail.

let it pass.
let it thru.
let it go.

just another feeling felt.

why call me urs when u dun even want me

HMMMM. what can i say.
i got every package i need now.

now to just sort them out a little bit.
im not down, no, and this time i wont be pushed by them words
of those which u tagged at my tagboard that should be bringing me great pressure.

however harsh stuffs are taken lightly now. i mean what does it matter.
i can just de-lete them stuffs anyway.
haaa. and anyway i have better people to 'layan' than
them stupidities.

wahh, just nw, at sch, saw that idiot, LOOKING DOWN, and felt like slapping him HARD.
thank GOD shamin stopped me.
but anyway, he was with his soldiers, so i shoudlnt have done anything "violent" anyways.

feeling kinda numb, didnt sleep for 2 nights.
why did they create windows with great views anyway?
and whats with binoculars? without these i'd prolly be sound asleep
those nights.
but hell they exist.
-_-

these few days been a bit off-track of TIME, and only TIME,
nothing else. so yeah, time,

u are my greatest enemy
yet i need you most.

and oh yes,
i got over it! HAHA.