“All that I am, or hope to be”

June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 December 2010 January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 April 2011 May 2011 June 2011 July 2011 August 2011 September 2011 October 2011 November 2011 December 2011 January 2012 February 2012 March 2012 April 2012 May 2012 June 2012 July 2012 August 2012 September 2012 October 2012 November 2012 December 2012 January 2013 February 2013 April 2013 May 2013 November 2013 December 2013 February 2014 May 2014 June 2014

stared my hearts out while walking down the corner in the deserted streets with my heart in my hands...

Unsafe but secure. Happy but unhappy too. Then i saw SOMEBODY.

My heart, which was on my hands, was screaming "DONT WALK IN MY DIRECTION MATSS" but unfortunately the inhygenic matreps who obviously didnt have a heart nor ears,ignored my heart's desire at its full self content. Wadd sia.

They outnumbered one me, and surrounded me for one stupid reason, which didnt work. "NUMBER."

arh fuck. i walk away, they chase sia. Those ppl with penknives... just like me. I stripped my penknife and ran as fast. They ran pretty slow so when i reached my blk they were about 20metres away.

Hmm well today was great. Funny sia, his friends. but okayla cool la cool. Haish, they dozzed themselves with that blue laughing gas thingie and at first it was pretty funny but in the end it was PAINFUL.

Soon enough i had to go home my curfew had to end soon so i took a bus with him. Slept in the bus, tired, still tired now. well it was SOO cold in the bus. In the bus i was pretty emo, dont know why, i just kept crying and crying. Really no reason.

Well after that at wdld we went to this blk nearby and sat there for a while. Then we parted. Today wasn't perfect, but it was sweet.

Just dont include the part of that idiotic p.e. tcher, who said i HAD to go for p.e even with my heel full of blood and holes and plasters. i stepped on a stack of staples in the morning, how fateful. haah gotta rest, too tired...

hey im not weird. i really saw it.

emortal.

hello friends.

"its abt me isnt it?" he said. hello, has it been abt anybody else? no. yea u. dont b broken. n dont call asking abt this. i wonder when the good part will come..

IT HURTS IT TRULY HURTS.

Im no good at words all im good at is on feeling and saying i feel nothing because im no good at words and cant express things properly.

Why do i still seethe, its a sin, and a lie too. Habbit. Guess thats it, huh.

I feel like an old spare tyre at the back of a 4wheeldrive car. Those jeeps. And the tyres being used never rot like i do. I get all dusty and worn out by whatever that lay on me, cats, small insects.

Those people. Suck la go use me.

-Before he left he told me not to feel sad.

Yeah sure. Question is,
-HOW? When nothing.

Absolutely nothing can help u escape. Only u can but u dont want to. So how rynn how? You're my ONLY hope rynn. Better get back to life.

WHy do i talk to myself. WHy am i not like other people who think happy happy happy sunshine bright bright bright hearts hearts pink pigs flying and rainbows? What part of me went wrong? Its like an upturned puzzle, puzzling the puzzle.

"one tear won't kill" he said.

it already killed me.

ITS HURTING U, ITS KILLING ME

yeah, for the information of everyone who bypasses this idiotic thing i made over and over again.

ugly ppl dont deserve to be wanted.

SO THERE.

get out of my life.

cant u see how hideous i am? inside out sia.

so, fuck off...

like i did. pls.

I have not something that you do.

I have not found a life. Or rather i don't have one. Its not a life, its a routine with options that repeats. Sighs, really tired, and yes, maths. Flunging it soon. If there is such a word.

Simplified my "SCARY" blog. I want at least one more visitor. I hate it when they just enter my blog and exit because they think it's scary. truthfully. NOTHING is. Except for death. And god.

I feel so insecure. Sposed to meet him tday. Sorry cant... Real sorry. Sighs. Sheesh, rynn u suck ppls heart.

Guilty me. Guilty rynn. Rynn is guilty.

IM trapped and this time nobody in this fucking world can help. so goodbye.

freaks.

BLEAK.

Today was perfectly bleak. Looks like swallowing should be IN the ZONE again.

OOOOOhh sound SOo familiar. I'm fooling myself. Gosh. Now wheres that blue thing. I've got a plan. a real good plan.

But i KNOW those normalities would just think i'm just as dumb ad i was before. Sighs sighs

hate this. hate that.

love one.and only one.

I walked around seeing visions of happiness in a full reality of faking and misjudgement. Sighs, only you can give the breath of life on me... I feel so dead without you. How could love be so thoughtless, so cruel.. when all that i did was for you? Im breaking over two over you. I break in two and if a piece of you dies............................. But youre far... The sun standing inbetween black and white. The hope that grows and grows inside my heart... I break in two over you... I will break in two for you.

no, syg, the last few posts releasing whatever was inside wasn't a bit about you. NOTHING abt you at all. Its about my dumbassed friends who actually do read this blog too.

Everyone except for you. Except for my syg. The one little hope i treasure so much.

But i'm sure nobody can accept the charges. Its all the same though. One other rainy day i would be betrayed again. Or rather, i get betrayed everyday. Im such a ragdoll.

And of course, misunderstanding, IS EVERYWHERE.

but i understand nobody can help about that
so what am i to do now? Sit and wail? No. Im goinna keep msging my syg until he reply. Even if it takes forever.

ARGH. I'm sick and tired. SICK AND TIRED OF LIFE. I'm ONLY twelve going thirteen and im sick and tired of life. Oh my gosh, rynn are you out of your mind?

No, im peeling myself from my fake skin.

No company. No friends. No nothing. No calls. No msges. No smiles. No nothing. No everything. Might as well let it happen.

Im tempted. That blue thing is waiting. My fingers are twitching. My eyes are watering. i need to do it. But i dont want it to seem like suicide. Let it be simply transparent. Let people think its just the time for me to go.

I don't want to stay. theres nothing for me to stay for. Everything is bad bad bad. Dont ask me. ASK ME AND I'LL DIE Immediately.

fcuk all the "best friends" in my life. You only pretend. I did the talking, you did the faking. I faked myself to fake you. Im a fake.

And im gonna find out how much it hurts to die.

Abandoned my friends. Or so called. I can't believe i spent a perfect friday with two jerks who totally don't care about me. What they care is to have fun. They left me waiting outside till i couldn't take it and went home.

But theres a worse part of me. Which is the real one. I am an idiot. I just simply get used easily. I simply get worn out and hurt by a small glitch. And true what my mum says, im sensitive inside, but sheilded outside. I didn't get it, as i was happy at that moment. But not now.

I ALWAYS try to help. Because i always know it would fall back on me. Maybe too little. Maybe none. I appreciate everything you do. Really. But do you even care what i do to you? You don't REMEMBER and you don't CHERISH ME. You don't love me. Or at least not really.

You only love me at certain times. What tragic ending.

OH LOOK. She's been used again. I'm not NOT not naive. I'm GULLIBLE. STUPID.

but most of all used.

even people i don't know are aiming to use me. What the heck. I'm like a flower, really it reminds me.

Small>Blooms>Wilts>Withers>dies.



a short story with a tragic ending.
i saw it with my own eyes. just like out of a movie.


she ran across the street for the arms of her boyfriend who already has another girlfriend.
and she died in a car crash. OH GOSH. i saw it all... just like amovie.

man.

it was.... showing the so fakingly truth. and when ppl get scared their true image shallows to the edge. and so i just kept quiet. and stared. half confused. half scared. half wronged.

get my advice here.

DONT BELIEVE THE TRUTH. BE IN YOUR OWN WORLD.

cuz the truth ALWAYS hurt.

yeah, my homework and notes or PILING... PILING! i wonder if i ever have ime to dig up the hills of paper to do it. OH SHUCKS.

my dear beloved...
before i go i need to tell you
that ive always wanted you
but i know my image inside out
will never fit with yours.

too bad you're beautiful...

emortal

well i dont need any help. Its people.

Strange how i actually represent, volunteer myself to help others where i don't have a cure.

same goes to all the others. They always want to help, to listen. Nobody wants to be cruel. Well at least, most of the people try to land a listening ear and a shoulder. But they never seem to help. Some do, most don't. What a judgement i made, you say.

Well rynn, its true.
Whenever i'm down i always go to you.
You try to help and i know you care.
But the truth is you're never ever there.

Thats some poem i recited to myself few secs ago. Sighs, im sure some people feel the same.

In the end the one who helps you is yourself. In the end everything you do is for yourself. In the end the cycle falls back on you.

Everything you do to people really do fall back on you. And it also reflects how hard you find the best for yourself. How hard you search and rummage life for you. You dedicate your life for somebody you love, and it only means dedicating it for yourself.

Sometimes i wonder, do i live alone... am i just a test? Or are other people real? Are these challenges just me?

Sighs. Its SOOO strange. SOOO weird. But i'll get to the answer.

____________


I miss school. I miss syg. I miss angel.

This is the same repeated mistake. By hook or by crook, i gotta go to school tomorrow. BY HOOK OR BY CROOK.

Unless if, emergency cant go. Man. I miss going out with him after school.

I miss even going out after school. OHMYGOSH, i miss school so much. i miss ncc. I miss my 'frens'.

Sighs, my childhood, will never be forgotten. And with you bloggie, life is quite written down...

and i like it. you do too right? right!

things, well, things are going to change.

shame on me. i trusted way too much.. maybe my friends are right.

im too naive, too natural, to easy going... too easy to be used.

Well things will go strict now. now. now. and forever.

I don't know why and i dont know how but anyways i want to share this thing i heardfully pictured, it was told by Alone and Misery. Decide if it you should read it or not, it's for the sake of killing time anyways.

It all happened in the northen side of Singapore, bright and nice and comfortable... Not so warm, just the kind of day you like. No rain, either. Well it was such a small incident..So slight, i guess nobody would bother. She was busy pushing herself higher on the swing, challlenging her little sister who, i have to admit, is really much faster and higher than her. Then, the little sister asked her older sister a question..

"sister, when is mummy coming home, she has been overseas for more than two years now..."

The older sister, much to the disapproval of the question being asked, shook her head and said she didn't know. She was only ten then, and she didn't know if it was right to tell her sister that she thinks their mother had died.

Then at that very woman, a beautiful woman in white and a red scarf carrying a little baby and standing beside a man and a little child sat down by a nearby bench, so near to the swing. Immediately, the younger sibling on the swing jumped off, dropped on the floor, picked herself up and ran to that woman, both arms spread out. The woman handed the baby to the man, crying and stretching her arms wide too.

"MuM!!! i miss you" the younger sibling said as they hugged.

The older sibling on the swing was wondering, who the hell that woman was. Could never be her mother, her mother looked, smelt, felt different. She recalled her mother not beautiful but sweet and kind, and had velvety skin and perfect brown eyes. But everything just wasn't alike.

The woman brought all the four kids and the man up to her house, which was, the siblings'. The older sibling stared at the picture of the past, the perfect person she once loved... Has she returned so different and unlikely? And why didn't she remember about her, she seemed to sort of know that she knew she wasn't their mother.

She recalled being fed and pampered, and now everything was going to change. Especially with a new stepdad and new stepsiblings.

years passed and the existence of the older sibling seemed to be very slight to the family. The broken, family, with hidden secrets. Then at one moment when the older sibling fought with the younger sibling, everything changed.

The 'mother', who obviously loved the younger sibling more, actually told off the oldest sibling out of the house. Well by then the older sibling was 15. And so she went away, still holding the past steady with her.

That was when everything was confessed. Everything that still remains a secret to the older sibling.

Yes, their real mother really had died. That was when the younger sibling regretted EVERYTHING. Everything was too late.

Then one bright day, not too warm but bright... No rain either, the younger sibling went downstairs..

And swinged herself high... But not as high as the swing beside the one she was on.

END.

Sighs, witnesses...


Witnesses.


dumb la. ure wasting ur time.

Woke up, arghH! my eye!

Well I DREAMT everything all over again, from the holiday to the sauna to the jacuzzi to my room to my bed... and everything else.

really, its sooooo fab, mag, magnif! Oh well, but sighs, too bad it was only a dream, Too bad the real thing passed off. And now i'm trying to concentrate on HOMEWORKS. Sighs, rynn rynn. WHy are you YOU and not me? Why am i ME and not you rynn?

I really wish im u. Because i forget who i am when im eluded by certain stuffs. Or actually, all stuffs. "TOBART rynn, TOBART". Scary+funny, dat dream. haiyo. Today i wanna rot in front of the TV. This is a looong holiday for me, real loong. Haas, good la.

Thank you friends. Thank u syg. Thank u angel. Thank u mum. Thank u bro. Thank u dad. Thank you everyone.

And theres this part of me, that never goes away, saying...

Rynn, fuck u, go to hell. I hate you no matter what, but thanks anyway.

Uhh, heck, love one, love all.

SIGHS. am i really not one a person? I wonder.

.................im losing.

I can't remember when it was good
moments of happiness elude
maybe I just misunderstood
all of the love we left behind
watching the flash backs intertwine
memories I will never find
so I'll love whatever you become
and forget the reckless things we've done
I think our lives have just begun
I think our lives have just begun

staying awake to chase a dream
tasting the air you're breathing in
I hope I won't forget a thing
promise to hold you close and pray
watching the fantasies decay
nothing will ever stay the same

all of the love we left behind
watching the flash backs intertwine
memories I will never find

memories I will never find...........

Well... Hmm loooong stories to tell, self. Well lemme start with today's.

Morning, went to the doctor... Got my eye checked out. It happens to be an infection, not a bite. Well then the doc said if it gets worst, i'll have to cut it out. Hmm, ouchies. Then i was home,sick. THEN, my syg came. We sat at this blk nearby to mine. We were all wet by the rain but warm and comfy against each other, Nice huh. Then sometime later dinah came. And then we went to my house.. It was fun, my room, my bed, my guitar, my computer, my seat, syg, angel, nat, dinah, rynn and me... Kecoh-ed in the room...

I feel like im fluttering like a butterfly, heaven can never be so heavenly. Then hell striked its evilness when dinah had to go home by force. Then my father came home, and i was like, AHHH, anyway dinah, sorry for troubles kay. My father didnt send us anywhere... Well then we took the bus to causeway point and met my mum. My mum blanjerd them at BK, but i didnt eat, i was sick anyway. And sighs, syg and angel are accepted by my parents. Nice huh.

Well it was good. Then we waved syg and angel off when they went off by taxi. Me and mum went to causeway pt, wanted to get my REAL spects. Unfortunately it would only arrive at the end of the month. hmm. Then we went home. The minute i reached home, i flattened on my bed and recalled everything... My room, my bed,my guitar, my computer, my seat, syg, angel, nat, dinah, rynn and me... Everything.

Nice yeah. And ooh yeah, dinah if u r lectured later, pls, im sorry.

Well the holiday was nice... Ate a lot, perspired alot, sports alot.. SAUNA alot. It was nice, really. But the best was the sauna, me and my kaksdare stripped inside, and guess what, she envied me. Try not to ask. Swiss garden was nice. Real nice. Another heaven. Except for the smells in the rooms. Farts sia, everywhere. Luckily i didnt ass-ed out air, phew.

Hmm, everything feels like heaven lately. Sighs, well, after this, i wanna lie down on my bed, and rehearse every memory again and again. from the sauna to the pool to the jacuzzi...

To my room, my bed........ and all the rest.

.Emortal.

i want a new gooe. i want a new electric gooe.

"your head in your hands, and this is my cue, if three words could heal you i'll only speak two"

I'm pretty bored right here. And yeah, four blue eyelids are perfectly nice, and cool and fragile and metallic looking.

Sighs why do i feel so shattered and kiddy and useless and ragdolled. Man my mood swings, they differ from black and white sia.

I wonder if anybody else out there is like me. Like, always up or always down. (CLEAN)

Haha. i just read something MORE than humourous. "Hari2 ade masalah mcm nak mati ar"
MAN that really squeezed the laughing gazz out of my bursts of laughter. (CLEAN)

Hmm. I reaaaaly got no topic. Nothing, absolutely nothing to talk about right now.

Better start jumping

"Trying to kill the time. You'll always have my support. In your life, people you've hurt, friends that you lied to"

Emortal

i just woke up from an open-eyed dream, or rather sad nightmare.

A girl.A guy. The guy and the girl were lovers at ages twelve and 14 respectively and loved each other greatly. For them, they were both the 100% perfect people they've ever met with. They really, really loved each other.

But as the world go by and time passes, they grew further apart. So far away, they hardly know each other. And one day when the guy was finally about 28, he was walking down this peaceful and lonely street. He passed a girl, not exactly a girl though, pretty much a woman. Not pretty, and as much as he loves beautiful eyes, the woman had none of a piece of beauty. Perhaps she didn't even have eyes. Her body was particularly dry, and her peeling skin was disturbing.

Then as i was the third person within the sad tale, i felt the guy's thoughts saying that woman was 100% perfect for him. And deep within i knew the woman felt the 'casual not handsome' man 100% perfect, too.

However in the heart of this tale none of them knew they had met and fell in love before. They were the young lovers years before. Sad isn't it? At the end of the dream, they both died, barried accidently side by side in a 100% perfect place, both died single, and didn't really have a life.

Sighs. I hope this tale never was true. Or rather, never will be true.

Really, think about it thrice and it'll turn out sadistic. Well enough. Gotta brag about my free coke.

"she asked if it hurts to die. it hurts more to stay alive, we know. But anyway she found out how much it hurts to die. so therefore she killed somebody... me."

Emortal

Good news. I'm only half bored. Oh my god isn't that fab? Mag? Magnif... I'm not so bored! I can live! I'm listening to jumpy punkrock songs, making my day jumping with them. Ok that is so embarrassing.

And right, why am i so kind? I mean, like, forgiving. I already forgave PUKE. My goodness. What am i? This isn't easy. Why do i forgive my uncle? Why do i forgive my aunt? No, i don't forgive my aunt. Okay so that's mean. Nice and mean. But isn't it good to forgive?

NO not that idiotic aunt. My gosh, shes a million faced hypocrite. I will forgive her once she steps out of the family and go far far away. Then my family will definitely be in. But then my other aunt will hate us even more. Argh, what can i say? I hate all of em.

They ALL suck. But heck. What part do they have in my life for my tomorrows? I'm definitely sticking with my normal me myself and i thing. Me myself and my syg. Sighs, he sacrificed his liffe.

I'm smiling right here, don't try, don't strain, don't feel any pain, i'm smiling and smiling some more, so don't try and strain and feel any pain for me to smile again.

Well................................ Hmm. My guetar. I call it Gooe. Hey give me a topic.

And i'll fuck my fingers down on the keyboard to whole and broaden it.

Ah kay. I'm trying to get school out of my mind. I'm trying to get all the shits out of my mind. Wanna be clean again. Wanna clear out. Eh, i can't believe my dad also understood how i felt sia. He said he can help me make an excuse. Man! Sometimes the good can't get any better. But it can. It will. I hope...

HMMM. stupid sia my keyboard. Slanted. Some times the M dusnt really appear. Shit it. I'll press ur keys, u key-ey keyboard. Ala im topicless.

Wait till i have a topic, okay self? I'll write again soon. If i live la.

BBYE

I'm not schooling today. I have reasons, don't worry. Two specific reasons.

First of all, i'm a bit sick, cramped, pained, tired.

And the other is long. Well i've been keeping myself too occupied, like too active. Everyday after school u'll find me soewhere, anywhere but home. Then when i reach home, i'll be asleep. Tired, pissed, happy, sad, angry, whatever. Well so this is the time out. The rest from over-stress. My MUM actually understood. She said i was so busy these days, she didn't want to talk much to me, because everytime i reach home i'll look all tired and worn out. She gave me today to clear up whatever mess i have in my head (lotsa mess in there, need to sort it out) and i'm tryinna refresh my page. My brain.

Yesterday i met him, ahh, broke free. I'm so glad i got the chance, really missed him. As in, miss him like hell miss miss type. Now i'm relieved. Man this is refreshing.

I met him at his place, and it was niice. I mean, it was, good. Like, fun and the feeling of "AT LASSST!"

Smiled again. He's so cute.

Well tomorrow will be another weekend. So... that means 3 days a weekend, perfect! Gotta start planning. Heh, by the time when i create another post, i'll be frantically bored. No no, that's not gonna happen. Well it might. I'm not gonna make it happen.

Hmm. In the evening i'm going for a jog up the hill. Yeah. I skipped ncc, i skipped swimming... everything. Sick la. i mean, for today 1. so there.

Love u mum. (this wont last long.)
Love u nat.

Love u rynn.

It all started during one NCC time where i met a hideous insider, who looked so perfectly nice outside. Then ever since everything became as rotten as ever. Really, i mean it. It's like, everything never fits in.

The jigsaw puzzle is all the way round. I did it the wrong way. Now it'll take ages to be fixed back. I feel like giving up. Maybe i did. Yeah i did. But then again. Who cares right? Nobody. Then why should i?

I' not going to be saved. One thing lies after another. My brain is so occupied i feel like poking it myself before it actually bursts naturally. And even electronic things are killing me. Really.

What else the self-operated HUMANS? man, i really deserve to die right now. Maybe i should.

And whoever wishes to call me, during weekdays, don't BOTHER to pick up the phone after TEN PM. I'm closed. I hate answering late night calls that will ruin everything.

But then again everything IS ruined. Well i guess then, it'll just ruin the ruined things. Tomorrow i have to report in number 4. It's so shite, its fab, mag, magnif. SOMEBODY SAVE ME.

I KNOW nobody would. Well somebody could but he could not either. He can, but he's tooooo busy, and i cant blame anyone on that..can i? [So there, rynn, go die alone.]

Maybe perhaps myself, for taking everything so sensitive-ly. Man. I need that penknife. Dont tell me not to cut. I tell u not to smoke or not to fight and u will just ignore. SO WILL I. If i want to die u cant tell me not to can u? It's my life, so get the fuck out of it, everyone.

EVERYTHING. Just everything. IS now what i hate. And to think of being alone. Yes, let me be alone in this.

One moment i was soooo couraged and strong and self assured. And the next, i break down.

What a cycle. I'm soooo sick and tired of it, i feel like i'm too sick and too tired. Really, can i die now god? NOW and not later and not tomorrow's never tomorrow? GOD! man. Fucking hell.

Few more minutes for the phone to ring, and i'm shuttingmy phone and smashing it into tinie winie ruined little broken pieces, LIKE ME.

I'm so sorry i'm like this.

Cope with it, or not cope with it and GO. whoever u r.

BORED. *FRANTIC WAVES*

HELP!

I feel BURNT down to ashes. No, really. Enotionally and physically burnt. And swept away. But nevermind. When the cool rain wash away the never ending flame, i can pickup the ashes back, and then i'd be a whole. But it's so imposible... Certain parts would end up empty... WELL, i'll worry about that never tomorrow, right self? Right!

Hmm, today, i'm staying home, reading some textbooks, for some tests coming up soon. I'm sucha good gal yea. Cus, all this while, i never even once did pay a tinie winie bit of attention in class. I'm always busy mending myself, or smsing or whatever craps. But when i study, i'll never be able to concentrate. Gotta try. Even if i have to strain like i did..on.. you know.

And i want no more. Gimme a break. I wish everything would freeze, EXCEPT FOR ME AND HIM... Imagine. We got all the time we wantttt...... Sometimes, i wish, you know, i don't.. but i want to... Oh man, let's just avoid this topic. And we can continue on it tomorrow's tomorrow's never tomorrow. Now to practise on the gue-tar.

emortal

"small, simple, safe price
rise the wake and carry me with all of my regrets
this is not a small cut that scabs, and dries, and flakes, and heals
and i am not afraid to die
i'm not afraid to bleed, and fuck, and fight
i want the pain of payment
what's left, but a section of pigmy size cuts
much like a slew of a thousand unwanted fucks
would you be my little cut
would you be my thousand fucks
and make mark leaving space for the guilt to be liquid
to fill, and spill over, and under my thoughts
my sad, sorry, selfish cry out to the cutter
i'm cutting trying to picture your black broken heart
love is not like anything
especially a fucking knife"

this is so history imma check out some books. and i know that every happiness i feel will end up with a sad, selfish, meaningless painful tear. But i'm still under control. yeah.

right? Right!

i'm soO self-assured. i'm so glad this only falls on me and nobody else. well i hope. i pray so. i reaallllly reaaly wish so. and i'd do aything to help anyone, right self? right!

emortal