All that i am, or hope to be

“All that I am, or hope to be”

Gasps

Friday, September 30, 2005

went out with dinah. as per normal, i'm the slenger one. chis.

we watched corpse bride. FUN. i wanna watch again. well... we bought a drink..

we paid and left the counter. BUT we forgot to take our drink.

-_-

thats how slenger.. me/us are. oh my god.

well it was fun.

great time.

30/09

!!!!!

WHAT IS WRONG WITH EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

e y e s

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

i can see. and not only what you can.

but don't differentiate me from the rest. i'm still me. whenever people change, they don't completely fret about it. its like the sea and the shore. never able to be seperated.

maybe i'm a bit frust. i've tried using ways to end it. i'll start off with an 'erghhh'. sometimes when it goes real bad, i'll smash something. okay it wont break. but my heart would.

but hmm. how can my heart ever break? it is broken.

but the pain is healed.

i don't allow myself. i don't want to go off course. i want to stay in track. say whatever you want. yeah. whats the point. and those ex frenz. u can say watever you want. you're not feeding me. you're not the cause of my happiness. and i'm not going to die without you people. i'm not ordinary. so just shush. i'm born this way. what can i do but accept who i am. i was once suicidal. but not now. i realised that there are ups and downs. if it has been down all the way, i pretend. at least a fake smile still brings joy to others. and seeing joy on others

brings joy to me.

can someone find me now?

my good new person sitting beside me is great. i mean he gets me. he understands. he's just a fren. well, kinda. sometimes he tells me dumb but funny jokes.

thats kind of him to help.

and maybe i dont talk that much these days. to my bro esp. i know he noticed. and all those close to me, if i did anything tt offended you, im sorry.

september. a month of extremities. happy=super happy. sad=super sad. and next, superman will come. chis.

i'm being myself now. im not pretending.

so now i understand. what it means. what everything means. im easily confused, i know. but i still can think. and after a while... i'm master of myself.

[its empty and cold. i'm lonely now, i am, i really am. but what can i do? i tried my best. now its all up to you.]

For my dear

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

In this heart there is a name engraved.
And its yours.
The name of what i love.
In this self, there is your love.
But you don't understand what i mean.
In my smile, there is a cry.
A cry of someone hurt.
In this soul, there is a broken heart.
It makes me cry. How painful.

Tortured. Tired.

Feels like a dream. Feels like heaven.

You're the one i love.
I'm the one stupid.

If i knew we'd end up this way,
i would have put in more effort.
If i knew this would happen,
i would have changed more.

Pain and bleeding my heart is accused.

Im missing you.

And now my whole self is bruised.

I miss you, i miss you.

[so tortured] .

A true Friend

A true friend can fall anywhere. usually its in a person of the same sex, because its easier to open up and get feelings and responses with meaning. and i think ive found one.

she can help me. she cheers me up. she has been with me for some time.and shes great.

i met her just now.

A true partner

as you know i am not single. and my partner in this relationship is another thing that keeps me alive and happy. well in relationships, you have to treat one like a friend, not just as a person for killing time. for whatever person, even a true friend, you have to trust and help the other party. Do not hide things from them. It may cause a slight misunderstanding, which might lead to a bigger misunderstanding.

A real strong somebody
My friend, edah... she is real good. Her birthday is yesterday, on the 26 of sep. And guess what. She didnt get anything for her birthday. Oh my god. She wasn't even sad. i asked if she was sad and she said that there was no need to be sad. At least some friends still remember her. Thats so amazing. shes so.. wow. kool.

__________

tdae was kinda bad. but on the other end, kinda good.

The Big S

S.orry.

not to just simply anybody.

its for my NAT.

S.orry.

about yesterday aiites...

sighs.

[problems at this age. ohmygod.]

farhana im not sorry.

Monday, September 26, 2005

Da dEVils cOMinG, dA anGeLs calLINg. WHo shOulD i foLloW tO EaSe dIs SoRRow says:
alah....die benci aku dari beginning of da yr

what a great big sin. faizal copied and pasted it for me. he was talking to this farhana somebody.. i still wonder..

can i take this any longer? did i say i hate her from the start of the year?
i dont even hate her now.

well well. big sin big sin.

i smiled. i laughed.

well today was pretty bad. kay. very bad...

UNTIL I MET A CUTIE.

ohmy luckily her cheeks where safe with her.

she WAS cute oh my god.

and who is she?

DINAH. damnit. next time i wanna go shopping, i'll bring her along too.
maybe i'll force her to meet my dear.

eheh dinah BEWARE.

great time with her. she cheered me up. well, at least after a real long hard day.

and yeah. Now is flashback time.

Not only about her...

about my dear, dinah, my 'frensz' and my life.

=D

D=

THANK YOU

Sunday, September 25, 2005

I thought that I could always count on you,
I thought that nothing could come between us two.
We said as long as we would stick together,
We’d be alright,
We’d be ok.
But I was stupid
And you broke me down
I’ll never be the same again.
So thank you for showing me,
That best friends can not be trusted,
And thank you for lying to me,
Your friendship the good times we had you can have them back

I wonder why it always has to hurt,
For every lesson that you have to learn.
I won’t forget what you did to me,
How you showed me things,
I wish I’d never seen.
But I was stupid,
And you broke me down,
I’ll never be the same again.

So thank you for showing me,
That best friends can not be trusted,
And thank you for lying to me,
Your friendship,
the good times we had you can have them back .

I'll Never Be

[I smile when i have to]

[I break down when i don't]

[I know i should be strong.]

[But i also know i won't.]

__________________________

I made up my mind. Being alone isn't so hard. I've been alone all this while.. Its just that i pretend that i am not alone, which isn't that good either. Besides, what's the worst that can happen? I know I'll never be strong enough but hey, i can always try.

_______________

'It' was a stupid thing to do,

I wish i could take it back.

But the curtain is being lowered now...

So here ends my final act.

______________

don't take me wrong.
______________

don't think i'm so damn weak.

______________

Don't think i cannot survive without you.

_____________

Even though the end might be bleak.

_____________

[rynn and nat]

Blade.

Friday, September 23, 2005

Well. today is a good day. for you. Because you're gonna read my misery.

my misery.

i dun wish to explain. today is just a super bad day. i even had to cry in public. whats the worst i can ever ever say?

friends to the end. this is the end.

Kick Me Out

Thursday, September 22, 2005

Im in the 'c-freaks' team. I wanna kick myself out.

I dont know about pe'ah.

But its certain now, that tipah and salmah doesnt want me to be in the team.

=)

What can i do but smile?

Im too tired to cry.

Paste a nice, big, fake smile on my face. It isnt hard.

There's two sides of me.

One of love.

And one of hate. And i hate my 'friends'. okay, not friends. They are just some people i communicate with. I mean, at school.

Obviously they dont want me to talk with them. And i knew my whole life they were talking behind my back. nevermind. i dont forgive them. I dont forgive myself. I think i'd rather die. You know why? Because im pure useless. Laugh. HAHA. Forget about me. Im okay with 'lonely'. lonely is my bestest friend. And i want to be with lonely whenever i want to...

Maybe im just mentally disabled.

I talk to myself.
I Laugh.
I cry.
right before i dose off to sleep, in tears.

I wonder why.

Ive been holding this for such a long time and now i finally let it out.

Cheers! Im brave! Like a trodden piece of junk.

I always have to walk behind them and never talk. I cry and they laugh. They can laugh all they like. Its their big mouths.

GIRLS, DONT BOTHER BOUT BLOG. I CREATED AN UNAPPRECIATED JUNK.

where...?

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

he...where is he... where has he been... what happened to him... wats goin on... wats wrong... how is d condition.. how is it gonna be settled... why am i being left out so many times...

why m i so worried about me?

im more werid abt him.very.

but maybe its just me. there might b nothin wrong.

=(

Block Me out

ANOTHER ONE OF THOSE DAYS.

whathefucckkk.

yeah. truly painful.

People dont care, i know.

I tried taking care of their feelings.

Too bad.

*slash me, my love, my heart, my life...*

cheerio.

bloodwritten on 20 sep 05

Honesty rebellors

Monday, September 19, 2005

I've been a fool
I've been a coward
But being with you made me discover..

That trust and honesty is vital in relationships.

Thanx.

Well tiring day today. PE was as boring as ever. Its supposed to be fun, but hell my home, it was like hell my home!!!

JUMPING JACKS oh my god it was so humiliating.

Sure, sure only stupid geeks will follow.

But the teacher was so strict... He'll make us do stupid things if we do not follow.

And that is more humiliating cuz we have to do it ALONE.

And next, we had to throw in the basketballs into their nets.
Whathefuck.

It was painful. I mean, foolish.

What a day. Long day at school...

I hope tomorrow will turn out better than today.

Hey i wonder why, but i miss my dear.

WHY MUST MISERY LIVE ON!!!!!!!!

goodbye.

"hell my home land!" lol.

bloodwritten on 19September2005

::Love::

Sunday, September 18, 2005

Love may come
And love may go
But you never know
When it will hurt
And when it will cure.

Love is like a winded corridor
It's full of mysteries
Many things to explore
A jutted screw might hurt,
Like love, it hurts
But not at every step.

Sometimes you break down
Sometimes you smile
Sometimes you frown
Love may bring you anywhere
To the sky
Or to the ground.

stupid poem.

today is alright.
talked to my dearest dear.

Haven't talked like that.. since forever.

Its easy now, cuz both of us are opening up,
meaning we're easing our super tight limits.

But it shall never go 'there'.

And yeah. When will we meet again?

Sighs sighs.

Love him very much.

Good night.

bloodwritten on 18 september 2005

smile for a while and cry again forever

My Eyes. Are Blind.

She used to smile.

She used to laugh.

But now all that she does...

Is to cry.

What happened to her? She was my best friend. She is my greatest enemy. The whole world hates her. She hates the world. She tries her best to improve. She tries her best to prove, to prove to people that she's just another human.

She screams for help.

But nothing came to her rescue.

She simply hates her life. She pretends everything. She pretends to smile, she pretends to laugh, she pretends to care and she pretends to love. Few beings becomes the pieces of her heart. Once broken, twice shattered, but her heart lives on till today, still seeking help, still unwanted, but still loving and caring for the six in her life.

She died.

She died in the silence, her life was taken aback. But her body, flesh, blood and skin still lives within the darkness, only her spirit is dead. Through her tear filled life, there can be only one conclusion...

She. is me. or is she?

\\_//

Saturday, September 17, 2005

I woke up these three mornings with a sharp pain in my brain. And in midst of it all, i woke up in tears. I dont understand... And besides that, theres this feeling in my throat... like... something stuck down there which makes me hard to swallow... so its really frustating... i feel like killing myself.. because problems after that still comes...

a boy was playing ball... he threw the ball at a bird cage and hit it... and i was right beside where the ball stopped.. the bird cage broke... and then the owner came outside and yelled and screamed at me.. everything happened in a snap. what bad luck. sheesh. whathell is wrong with me!!! Now i'm stuck with interrogations.. Aww i'm tired of everything. Is my world ending........?

This morning i tried breathing and i can't... My uncle and unty didnt notice, thank god... cuz at that moment my eyes widened so much and... ergh...

anyway to my dear.. its ok. im not mad.
gtg loveu.

gtg bye ppl

Emotionless.

Friday, September 16, 2005

Hey dad i'm writing to you, not to tell you that i still
hate you just to ask you how you feel,
and how we fell apart
how this fell apart
are you happy out there in this great wide world?
do you think about your sons? do you miss your little girl?
when you lay your head down how do you sleep at night?
do you even wonder if we're alright?
we're alright...we're alright

it's been a long hard road without you by my side
why weren't you there all the nights that we cried
you broke my mother's heart, you broke your children for life
it's not ok, but we're alright

i remember the days you were a hero in my eyes
but those are just a long lost memory of mine
i spent so many years learning how to survive
now i am writing just to let you know that i'm still alive

the days i spent so cold, so hungry were full of hate
i was so angry the scars run deep inside this body
there's things i'll take to my grave, but i'm ok...i'm ok

it's been a long hard road without you by my side
why weren't you there all the nights that we cried
you broke my mother's heart, you broke your children for life
it's not ok, but we're alright
i remember the days you were a hero in my eyes
but those are just a long lost memory of mine
now i am writing just to let you know that i'm still alive

and sometimes i forgive...yeah this time i'll admit
that i miss you said i miss you

and sometimes, i forgive...yeah this time i'll admit
that i miss you...i miss you...hey dad

sincerely, your daughter.

extracted lyrics. meant for my dad.

Blackmetal

Thursday, September 15, 2005

Okay. So today we were blahblahblahing at 2,15 onwards... And these two 'boys'...

'MATS' i can say...

ask me the most stupid questions on earth.

'are you blackmetal?'

im not a genre.

Im a person.

Im g-othic.

NOT BLACKMETAL.

and theres more..

one said 'im greenmetal, u better watch out'

and the other said 'eh.. im pinkmetal u noe!!!'

HOW DARE THEY INSULT MY TYPE OF GENRE!!!

HOW DARE THEM..

luckily they didnt insult the cult im into...

or...

*slash*

bloodwritten on 15sep05

I was laid up

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

WHy are my entries getting really boring?

i know why.

Because i'm keeping things to myself already.

Good for me. I wont bring any others heart pain no more through my blog.

I'd just bring pain to my heart.

Which is... common.

what i feel is.

Used and useless... and still useless.

cheerio.

Blacks and whites

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

At last his voice finally rang in my dull-filled ears.

I need a cure.

I still need one.

Any offers?

Help me.

Sacrifices

I dont know what else to say.

fuckoff darios'e.
shitto

cheerio.

rynn loves nat.

bloodwritten on 13 sep o5

Yes. I LOST MY MIND

Monday, September 12, 2005

Hello don't you see who you really are and where you came from? Everything seems wrong for every moment and its not the first time. Heart's beating fast like shit and i can't breathe properly, cold beads of sweat starts to trickle down my face while everything they said about me attacked my brain. laugh at me, today its me, tomorrow its you maybe i am that bad, i am a jerk, a stupid person who is crazy, even my relatives and relations says that, what else my friends. they dont understand how i feel inside cuz i dont too. Now living in shame. everything is such an embarrassment. Give me a room which i can stay in alone, without furniture, any other living things, not even AIR cuz it contains some living things, Please give me time give me some space i'm not born perfect. this is not the first time i'm breaking down it keeps happening again and again. isnt today sposed to be better than yesterday? How come the days get worst while my eyes try to see the brighter sides of things. Why must insults be taken by me why do i accept them? They are just... insults. But whenever there's smoke there's fire so whenever there's an insult there's a reason to it. Part of it is usually the truth, only emotions will hide or show the real me. SO WHAT AM I? i'm an emotionally weak jerk who thinks she can help others but is actually a shamefull and extra person in this world i dont belong in. I can try to pretend to be just another person. I can try to forget the past. But would you like to trash your problems in your heart and dump it back into your mind when another problem strucks into your life? Everything's going back to where it came from. And i hope i will too.

ARGH ARGH

THIS IS NOT THE FIRST TIME.

bloodwritten on 12sep05

Tired

I'm back home.. And brought back more bags than i
brought for the trip. But i also brought back many2 pics...
here i go again.

This is the place from top view from the second floor blahblahblah.

Okay, quite nice, i can say... but the beach is
very very dangerous.

So left with the swimming pool... and the

Swimming pool it is.

So here goes next the pics taken at the marriage invitations.
The wedding was on saturday and the 'nikah' was on friday night.

These are the 'makciks'

YOUNG YOU SAY.

Their age ranges between 29-45.

And they look young.

Yeah.

Good for them.

ehe. anyone wants their numbers?
NOWAY. they are married.

Unfortunately...

We got. a bit bored.

VERY bored.

At the wedding.

SO we made faces.

All of us did.

Including auntita

And auntynorita.

Pretty faces... pigs always fly in my family.

okay. here are the weded couple.

Happy...err...life... erm. couple.

They are actually my 'ANAK SEDARE'. err.

I was CAUGHT IN CANDID CAMERA!. oh no.

drinking. ehe. This is about the last meal.

and off we head for home.

Bye

Thursday, September 08, 2005

I'm going.. very very soon. Too soon.

I guess here lies goodbye.

I'm gonna miss everything.

Even though its only for three days...

Nevermind.

I'll come back.

Will i?

That's another thing.

So..

Well bubye.

Jauh di mata dekat di hati..

Cheerio.

to my dear:

Piece of note before i go

You know i love you

Dont miss me

Because i'll miss you too

Don't be sad

I'd be sad too.

So long.

Love you.

Children Cry

Little child
Dry your crying eyes
How can I explain
The fear you feel inside
'Cause you were born
Into this evil world
Where man is killing man
And no one knows just why
What have we become
Just look what we have done
All that we destroyed
You must build again
When the children cry
Let them know we tried
'Cause when the children sing
Then the new world begins

Shutit

Maybe I'm Better Off Dead

.shh.

Gifts.

All the things your girlfriend said to me

Came right through my head

Shot my heart with a gun

No more prices to be paid

Fuck you

You don't belong in this world.

Why do you play with hearts

Its not a toy

Yeah. IM NOT IN LOVE.

Not with you.

So don't you dare ask stupid questions anymore.

Bring me back to where i came from.

Take me back.

I hate you.

TAKE IT AWAY!

_ esp for iqmal.

bloodwritten on 8sep05

Aftermath

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

OKAY so i've been trying to keep this.
__
i miss my dear
__
HE'S MY HEART, MIND AND SOUL
__
HOW CAN I NOT MISS HIM?
__
THE HUMAN BEING OF MY LIFE
__
6 of them exist.
__
Sometimes they are hated.
__
But they are just part of me.
__
Without them...
__
I'm nothing.
__
A piece of me is gone
__
When i'm without them.
__
Any of them.
__
And my dear
__
Is one of them.
__
So?
__
One part of me is gone.

Fuck You Fucking Fucker

We went to pe'ah's and made up a stupid prank.

We went to this website and got a sex maniac to PRANK ON.

and so he came nearby. we spied him.

kinda difficult.

lots and lotsa lies.

we ended up being spied by him.

fuckeee.

HE GOT TO KNOW.

we were not alone.

Like someone told him she was alone going to meet him.

But duh he found out.

Worst still...

GASP

we were in UNIFORM!

what a disgrace.

He was TOO clever.

Shit.

Optimism fades

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

I thought.

That things would get better.

That wounds will heal

And hearts will seal...

But no.

Situation's getting real bad. Im like a criminal! Well, they treat me like one.

The call my name through a loud voice and ask me stupid questions.

So there enborns stupid answers.

And then there's part two.

They don't care.

Can life get any better?

Crazy

No one cares no one likes to share... I guess life's unfair...

What a riot. A big fight is going on and i'm confused.

Very confused.

Is everybody going crazy? Anybody, please tell me...

What is going on? Something is wrong.

What's the big fight about? The big fight is inside.

Everyone is fighting inside them, killing themselves

for will and money.

Money?

That's our first priority?

Everyone is too busy to notice things. Too busy to realise

that things are going upside down.

I guess things are not how they used to be.

No normal families. Parents act like enemies.

Kids feel like it's world war three.

It has begun in our hearts.

Because people nowadays fight not for the love,

but for the ownership.

Money. Yeah its good to have some. But enough is enough.

Why not donate some if there is a lot?

Have you forgotten the kids by the streets, hungry...

And poor.

Some people needs aid for survival. Like the tsunami victims.

They need help. And the whole world contributes to help.

But why only when disasters?

Shouldn't we help in every single moment of our lifetime?

Maybe we are too busy, once again.

But WHY NOT be free? What's with the rush?

Will you die tomorrow?

Well if you do, thats the end.

There's no change to it.

Do the best you can to help.

But do we have the time?

Y E S

Crepuscule

Monday, September 05, 2005

Darkness infuenced my eyes
Critisizing my hope,
Swallowing my lies.

Caliginosity controlled my mind
Bringing my thoughts to ways
I could die.

If only i knew my life would be like this
If only i knew well not to lie
My body will still be mortal
My life would still be mine

Maybe the last time we saw
And now we could see no more
Maybe the last time we asperted
But now we shall not anymore.

As time goes by, passing every second
My heart beats a beat
And gains the heat
Of abusing myself

Because all that is left

Is just darkness.

Time Will Heal The Wounds

Sunday, September 04, 2005

SO PRETTY BURNING

Saturday, September 03, 2005

Whah. So.

BETE NOIRE.

MALEVOLENT.

RANCOR.

ODIUM.

REPUGNANT.

ABHOR.

ABOMINATE.

ANATHEMATIZE.

ANIMOSITIZE.

ANTAGONISM.

DEPRECATE.

DERIDE.

DESPISE.

DETESTATE.

AVERSE.

hate.

sighs.

hate.

sighs

i don't know what to do. where to run. where to seek HELLp. and how to say it all.
just one big blurr of complication is so happening now.

Maybe it's true. Maybe i AM too young. I don't know how to handle things.
Now nobody believes me. My parents don't. All because of one single mistake there.
One single lie. At them. I lie very little but the sin is very big. It never gets easy for me.
I guess i knew it all along. Trying to be perfect now isnt worth it. Im so young and hopeless.

If you all think i'm just like this... well. then its you. I hope nobody sees me cry.
I can help people. I dont help myself. What am i?

Now. what is there for me to do but cry? im way too fucking young to die.
I still cant accept that nobody believes me anymore. How could it get so bad?
Nobody can save me now. I dont think so. Cuz nobody understands whats really happening.
I never told the whole story.

Another break down.

FAIZAL!!!!

Friday, September 02, 2005

Cahaya di mata tak seindah dulu.. gagah semangatmu dikuburi rindu.. mencari yg hilang dan yang lepas masa lalu..
kau sekuntum bunga yang semakin layu...

kalaulah kudapat menyeru waktu dulu, kuhias semula ia untukmu.. kupimpin tanganmu
ke zaman indah syahdu.. tidaklah kau seperti hari ini...

terketar jemarimu melukiskan masa di sejarah yang lalu
kalaulah kudapat menyeru waktu dulu..
kuhias semula ia untukmu..
kupimpin tanganmu ke zaman indah syahdu.
tidaklah kau seperti...

hari ini

ku sambut tanganmu di lembayu senja
lukisan sejarah mengukir kulitmu
mungkinkah terlewat pertemuan kali ina
setelah terpisah

di pintu realiti

faizal gave this note to me.
what does it mean!>!

Angels.

I went to the hill on the way home from night class. Sighs. How mesemerizing. The past paid off to the future. I can always get it out of my mind. But it will never leave. Sighs.

I miss the beach. I miss everything. I miss my cuzzies. Though i know i'm very unpopular amongst them. Sighs. This coming holiday...It could be heaven or it could be hell. Such a long time. Such a short time. Such a fast moment. Such a surprising smile. The warm touches. Sighs.

Here goes my compo.

_________________________________________________________

The warm sunlight embraced us as we headed straight to the beach. Besides the song of lovely heart-calming waves, the soothing whisper of the winds played around in our listening ears. My family sunk on the soft sand a slight bit, before we finally agreed to camp out there for the night. The three tents were definitely not big enough for us twenty, so we rented a chalet right at the shore instead.

We pithced our tents outside the two chalets. At that time, it was

in the afternoon. When all the hassle came to a rest, the Sun was starting to set already. The youngsters, eight of us, sat by a huge rock pillar, watching the Sun set. The whole scene was yellow and orange, and everything was warm and relaxing.

While we were enjoying the beautiful scenery on the steep rock pillar,

a tragedy occured. The youngest of us youngsters fell forward into the sea. Although it wasn't deep, the little girl struggled for her life. Qis did not know how to swim.

The rest of us were panic-risen, and two ran to fetch the adults. Qis' head hit one of the

rocks on the rock pillar as she was struggling for breath and trying to cling onto the rocks.

Soon enough, as expected, she was unconcious.

The heavenly place became a certain gehenna at that moment. None of us knew what to do.

The adults tried their best to help poor Qis. She woke up with a halt

and coughed out the water which entered her lungs. She cried painfully when she saw

so many bruises on her tiny, isolated body.

My cousins came to her aid and showed her the bruises they got while trying

to save her from drowning. It was approximately 8.00 in the evening. The older kids went to the beach again, trying to look for something to kill boredom. It was pretty fun, walking around, each with either and oil lamp or a torchlight.

We dug the sand, and even played by the sea. AT NIGHT. It was dangerous,

yet precautions were last on our list if we wanted to have fun. How can we have fun when we have so many things to be careful of? Might as well just stay in one place and play the boring brain-killer games instead.

Well overall, the holiday was not bad at all. We had a great time,

away from the hussle and hasty place we came from. For once in a while, it is

great pleasure to go to such places in big groups, because once you're there, you never know what excitement fate will bring you to...

___________________

Stupid something. I know. I don't know what to write. okay. i get it. My vocab is low. yes. Lots of room for improvement. But the situations is so boring:

-Went for a holiday

-Someone drowned

-What happened next

-Feelings about the holiday

Boring isnt it? Like. SIalah. Well. I sure am going to study. I AM I AM I AM.

Nevermind. If it takes me to be called a damn 'nerd' at school, i don't care because i'll be happy in my situation. Isn't it. Well. gdbye.

.RyNn.loves.NAt.

now, does he...?

Waste Some Time With U

Thursday, September 01, 2005

Alright. Maybe this will be a bit Funny. But this has got to do with the used's song blue and yellow.

WHat happened burnt a hole through my heart. Faizal went over and told me something that hurts so much. But then he told me something else. Something so important. Something.

I totally shocked myself. I mean. Wow. How amazing it feels just to live again. I shut up when he said that. I should have said something but i said enough, by the way my words were faded, rather waste some time doing myself.

WHat i mean is. He told me what happened to him. At first. And in the end. It totally changed my life. Wasting time with him is kind of fun. I mean, he is a good bro. And he gives stupid covered-up advices, but at least they still work. Thanx bro. Thanx.

Okay. Its dark. Dark just under the light. And im sitting. Straight. Like i always do. its easier to dance this way. Lol.

But then. I wanna say something.

well you're never gonna find it if you're looking for it

won't come your way.

What Happened to Us

I thought it was too good to be true

I found somebody who understands me

Someone who would help me to get through

And fill an emptiness i had inside me

But you kept inside and I just denied

Some things that we should have both said

I knew it was too good to be true

Cause i'm the only one who understands me

What happened to us

We used to be so perfect, now we're lost and lonely

What happened to us

And deep inside I wonder, did i lose my only?

Remember they thought we were too young

To really know what it takes to make it

But we had survived off what we have done

So we could show them all that they're mistaken

But who could have known the lies that would grow

Until we could see right through them

Remember they knew we were too young

We still don't know what it takes to make it

What happened to us

We used to be so perfect, now we're lost and lonely

What happened to us

And deep inside I wonder, did i lose my only one?

We could have made it work, we could have found a way,

We should have done our best to see another day

But we kept it all inside until it was too late

And now we're both alone, the consequence we pay

For throwing it all away, for throwing it all away...

What happened to us

We used to be so perfect, now we're lost and lonely

What happened to us

And deep inside I wonder, did i lose my only?