All that i am, or hope to be

“All that I am, or hope to be”

f-f-f-f-alling

Thursday, June 30, 2005

falling with the sun...

WAIT. dun say get up. cuz i cant. got gluue.

haha.

k r crapzz. just fixed up a new modem... gd ryte? finally i can use internet...or bad.
so i can actually ease my mind a bit... switched places juz now... haisyoh.
very the leceh taoo...

still feels like the first time...
i want to be alone
juz 4 a while...

sighs. i MAY be smiling. i MAY be laughing.
but hey im still not healed. shush.
maybe im crazy but i cant slow down
maybe im crazy
but at least im still around.

k r. finish. nx time i update smore.

-lovemyDEAR-

First=Worst

Monday, June 27, 2005

First day of sch... at least, for the new semester...

it is damn fcking hurtful siaaa.....
got chased.
long story. ergh
and yeah its so damn boring...

and i met wif some old past frenz
well....................................................... that was on e wae home

very very different. and they r like 'i dun care' types now...

what happened? after i left they r like ergh redi..

they used to be frenly ppl
they arent now... and it gives me a guilty overall feeling somehow
and im still asleep...
still drenched in my pain...
still in the holiday mood.
1 month had gone so fast... and yet the present is like so sloww...

sighs... well my dear ishhh stress.
partly of me. awwww.............. nemind, dun stress on me...
i'll handle my stupid problem...

hmm im still feeling a slight bit sick...
still down with fluuu
but not high fever.. i think..
and i survived without d doctor!
arh until now. i duno wads goin to happen later r..
i hope its nothing to do with any damn desease.

arh oklah im going out soon....
going to somewhere *undisclosed* with my mum
and soo... oklah.
finish. niting else i'd type it down later...

if any frenz/my dear come across this post,
well u may call me anitime.

[still loving you -dear-]

Im a sin

Sunday, June 26, 2005

Every single thing i do is wrong

Im sorry people.

I know i hurt you all so much.

Kill me if you want to.

Im a big sin

Im sorry...

im so so sory

i dont mean to hurt anybody

im just frustrated at myself

you all are not wrong... not sinful

i am.

same lah!

Saturday, June 25, 2005

wah juz discovered smth..

me and my dear got

sooo much in common...

so damn much...

is it juz co incidence?

or is it fate?

love him lots.

AIZ

he is the 1 million timer
i hate him to e max
hes like taggin on to my tagboard
haha let the fun begin

he's ALONE i am not,
he's STUPID i can beat him,
he's OUT OF HIS MIND i can make him in. haha.

k r. i dun like him. i dun love him.
i love sum1 else. -=taufik=-

oklah. bbye.

[cold][afraid]

Friday, June 24, 2005

Just now me and my friends; the freaks
went out.. we went to rizuan's house to kacau...
my neighbour, i shall not name who, likes this rizuan
so we like wanna knock on rizuan's door and run...
den i'm the "brave" one i go and press the bell
while the other three already standby at the stairs to run...
i press but no sound but we still run.. as if we saw a stupid ghost..
wahaha... hah "M butt".... OKOK i tynk this is getting nowhere.
Aniwae my dear's situation is really... ergh
i dunoe wad to say. cuz its just a warning...
check out his blog if you want to know.
url: http://blood-roses.blogspot.com
i feel so.... haish scared abt this. i tynk.
and aniwae just now i saw an old somebody which i hate...
i didnt tell my friends but den... haishhh
aniwae... i feel like talking to someone aand express evrythinggg...
i kind of need a warm feeling cuz i'm like cold and lost and
haiz ...

[Cold memories wrap around my soul
dark arms embrace my heart
the countdown is breaking to an end
and i have no place to go
nothing to run to... noone to be with...
i feel left behind... while my mind gush through
all the past memories...
all are just plain cold feelings
while my only sun is... setting...
I MISS MY LIFE.
WHY DID I DIE?
I WANT TO RE-LIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]

aaaaaaaaaargggggghhhhhhhhhhhh
im losing my mind.

im giving up on everything.
WHY?
because im too messed up.
you never listen.. too bad.
i'll be moving on.
BUT
i wont forget u were d one tt was wrong...
i have to get away.
no point thinking abt yesterday.
if only i can run away from all yesterdays
and tomorrows
i told you everything i want and need
but i was being forgotten.
u will never be frogiven.
GET IT?

if u dont. shut up.

[-i still love u dear-]

relationships

Thursday, June 23, 2005

this damn guy... he likes me...but i've got no feelings for him(faihzal)
and anyways, i love taufik...not this guy.
and so this guy,faihzal, want to disturb..he want to miss call my hp.. then my mum will
confiscate it cuz its irritating..along with my modem so no internet.. shit arh shit.
haiz i dont noe who can help me.. .faihzal, he's just a friend. but taufik isn't.. he's not juz a fren he's someone i love.. then this guy (faihzal) go and destroy peace. haiz. shit him. i already hate him. lost arh he... i dun like means i dun like arh!

[haiz. niwaes,
taufik, dear, if
you are reading this..
well..
dun take it to heart k...
love u]

Two and a half

For sometime i had been quite sick.

Heh, sick in the brain, pain in the ass.

Got it from.. erm i forgot.nevermind.

Aniwaes .he. is somewhere i don't know. or i might know...

he said he was thinking.about.... i dunooe... or might,.

i wish i do

but if it's something i shouldn't know

or he won't let me know den i won't interfere...

sighs school just now boring like 1 type my partner slept sia.

i want to but dun dare. teacher sharp eyed.hee.

aniwaes.... i feel kind of sleepy.but i dunwanna go to sleep.

3 more days till school reopens.go to sch just because i have to.and to meet frenz. =D

hmm...

for some reason now i feel quite..erm.. uneasy. really.

but why? something isnt right i think...

ah shitttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt it arh.

sighs d end.

-loveudear-

Sighs

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

I'm home sick like hell
and my so called 'friends'
are enjoying themselves out there
without even me knowing about it
or even at least tell me arh..
well im bored.
so many posts at 1 time.
cuz im bored arhhh.
haiz i wish for 1 wish
for my birthday...
but i can't say it here
ask me personally if you want to know...

sighs i feel like pushing every single furniture
in this room OUT and den see the empty space
of the room. like my heart. empty.
may i'd add some blood onto the whitish walls
an abstract, i guess..
but thats quite impossible
isn't it? hmm..

hmm ok arh. dunoe wad else to write about...

-lvunat.- hee

Reasons

Endings are never happy

Bliss and love and care

Are fake and empty

Why must love make me

this way....

Empty rooms and empty hearts

Bleed for you from every part

I have been losing from the start

BECAUSE YOU CHEATED

Nothing wonderful exist in my world

You destroyed it all, you killed my life

I live alive but die in lies

And for the last time,

I try to strike for the knife.

An evil wish for an evil smile

A last kiss for the lost soul

It's me alone and here i die

In the painful heart of the cold.

For the last time..

Here i lie bleeding

Tears set me free

I want to re-live smiling

Hold me. like you would never let me go.

-=hell alive=-

Newborn

Today. Is the first day i am going to start whispering my damn life
to this blog thing. Just a reminder,
if you wish to tag onto the tagboard, please use normal english
or singlish. People of many races would be visiting my blog
(i think) so don't make them all confused...

I'm one sick girl today.

I don't think i'll be going to school tomorrow.

'MALASH'

anywae im like heating up. i breathe out hot air. not so

hot lar but still hotable.

just now at school people had to get a half-time break because

of not bringing certain specifical items.

Well, luckily not me.

Aniwae something bloody happened today.

Some blood...

erm. nevermind. =D

HEY DON'T FORGET TO TAG KAY!

BTW... my links are useless. don't go. waste time only.

LOVE U NAT!!!